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Topic: Letting go of the OM's #...

BreezyBear
♀ 44281
Member # 44281

Posted: 5:09 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014

Why am I finding it so hard to rid myself of OM and his contact #'s??? Our A lasted a month and yet I find myself thinking about what we did/texts/conversations ++ and I can't bring myself to get rid of his contact #'s off my phone. My A ended abruptly when he sent a text saying good-bye and that he needed to work on his relationship with his wife. It's like there was no closure for me and I never texted him again after he texted that goodbye..I was so mad and hurt that he was so abrupt...is this why I can't bring myself to erase his contacts?? Any insight would be helpful.

Me: WW (PA's), 32
Him: BH, 37
No children.
confessed JULY 2014/working towards R

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: BreezyBear

Aubrie
♀ 33886
Member # 33886

Posted: 5:15 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014

Deleting his number is deleting the Link to the ego kibbles. That's all he is. A boost. An escape.

The closure thing is a myth. I broke NC a month from Dday in an attempt to get it. No can do. Only created more questions and doubts.

Bottom line, it didn't matter. He was a warm body. He could have been anyone. The issues were within myself.

Ditch the drug Girlfriend. He's not worth it.

This is the hall of mirrors. Where you will face yourself. Buckle up.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

Posts: 7895 | Registered: Nov 2011

PenitentMan
♂ 43174
Member # 43174

Posted: 5:15 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014

What kind of closure would you want? "I'm sorry for helping you betray your spouse if you're sorry you helped me betray mine? So here's a hug and take care of yourself?" Would that help? I think you're focusing on the wrong person. It's like a drug. Having a nice goodbye all wrapped up like a Christmas present isn't going to change anything and might even make things worse as far as sending you back to square one for detaching from them. It's over. Delete the number. Someone bump Maia's withdrawal survival guide...

Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: Since 2001

Posts: 552 | Registered: Apr 2014

ExWayward
♂ 44295
Member # 44295

Posted: 5:29 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014

WS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:34 PM, July 31st (Thursday)]

Me: exWH/madhatter
Married to exWW 7/10/84
Her first DD: 12/24/87
My revenge affairs DD: 3/15/88 through 12/07/89
Divorced 11/14/90

Ex WW cheated on me. I retaliated by becoming a cheating monster with numerous women.

Posts: 22 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Arizona

ImSorry11
♀ 43517
Member # 43517

Posted: 5:30 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014

You were mad and hurt that your AP was so abrupt in ending the affair? Imagine how your BH feels. Imagine how your AP's BW feels. I get it. Believe me I get it. I went through withdrawal from my AP. I broke no contact a month after DDay and I only felt a million times worse. There isn't closure with these types of things.

Are you and your BH in MC? Are you in IC? I got on ADs and threw myself into my IC sessions. Anytime my thoughts wander I try to refocus them on my BH or even a happy memory of me and my spouse. This road isn't easy. About his contact info, just get rid of it. Have your BH do it if needed. My BH grabbed my phone and blocked AP. He did the same with all my email accounts. It has to be done. Good luck Breezy. Keep posting. We are here for you.

Me: WW 33
Him: BH 37
DDay 5/23/14, 4 month EA/PA
Married 8 years Together 12
3 Beautiful Kiddos

Posts: 54 | Registered: May 2014

BreezyBear
♀ 44281
Member # 44281

Posted: 5:50 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014

Each one of you is right..thanks for the advice...I DID IT...I did it, I let go. I do need to get myself into counseling..time to start doing what I need to do. I have no idea why it took me so long to let go of his #'s.. I am out of the A one month now already and have had NO contact.. thank you all. I never in a million years thought this would be so emotional, if I only knew the ramifications beforehand:( Our betrayed spouses..breaks my heart what we did to them:(

Me: WW (PA's), 32
Him: BH, 37
No children.
confessed JULY 2014/working towards R

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: BreezyBear

Alyssamd24
♀ 39005
Member # 39005

Posted: 6:49 PM, July 31st (Thursday), 2014

Make sure when you deleted it you really deleted it....like others have said, block it if you can....same with email and anything else.

My XAP and i would constantly say we were going to go NC and then would break down and contact the other again....i was so bad I would block him on FB only to unblock him instantly....looking back I am ashamed of how pathetic and needy I was.

Like you I also never got my "closure" and focused on that longer than I should have.....I wanted so badly to contact him and have that last conversation (it wouldnt have been a nice one...just a final fuck you) but realize now its like others have said....it was a myth and wouldnt have solved anything.

But what if I fall?
Oh Darling, but what if you fly?

Posts: 1269 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Massachusetts

Topic Posts: 7

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