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Letter to OW

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bluelightshine posted 8/1/2014 03:18 AM

I'm really struggling lately and I keep coming to this whole thing in my head, how the OW never got to hear what I really wanted to say to her. It can be unbalancing when I'm triggering.

I'm hoping by posting it here, this will stop going around and around in my head. Things haven't felt as stable lately. It might be because A season is around the corner.

I won't be sending this to her. In my darkest moments though so many things are tempting.


There are so many things I could call you but I won't. I know you feel like you were lied to. Just imagine how I feel. From your pinterest I would say you kinda do. So how does it feel to know that now you did to another woman just what was done to you? You know how you hate the other woman that broke up your marriage, well I feel that for you and more. How could you knowing what it was like, do that to another person, family? My children suffered no less than yours. Remember DD's panic attacks? They only happened at your house. You helped scar innocent children and an innocent woman. You helped destroy an family. I wonder if you feel everything on your pinterest page only applies to the woman that broke your marriage? Everything you wrote there applies to you. Only a messed up brain feels that there is one set of rules for other people and a different set of rules for themselves. CAN WE SAY NARCISSISTIC? Yes I would have to say messed up.

How could you say that you are a better mother than me? You don't know me. I know that you let a man you only knew for 6 weeks move into your home with your children. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU????? Yes I know you dated in JR HIGH SCHOOL and then didn't talk for how long? YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM, YOU KNEW HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You sexted with a married man and told your self he was telling the truth about his wife and went on to try and demonize me? After the same shit happened to you? DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING BRAIN? I can't believe the lengths you went to, to try and prove me a bad person. You went through my bank account!!!!!!! Then got mad cause I bought books and games for my children and I? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!!!!!!!! Plus you don't know what agreements MY HUSBAND and I had. You don't know all the details. YOU REALLY THOUGHT HE TOLD YOU EVERYTHING????? I THINK YOU JUST WANTED HIS MONEY!!!!!! PLUS CAN PROVE YOU SPENT A GOOD AMOUNT OF IT!!!!! MORE THAN MY BOOKS AND GAMES !!!!!!

Well you lied to him also didn't you? You never told him your last husband had just months ago cheated on you and left for another woman. DID YOU??? You never showed him your pinterest or your bitterness and hate. Is that why you hated me? DID YOU TREAT ME LIKE YOU WANTED TO TREAT THE OTHER WOMAN???? I wasn't the home wrecker, I WAS INNOCENT!!!! NEVER DID A DAMN THING TO YOU AND ONLY EVER HELPED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you take your anger out on someone who really didn't deserve it????? WHO IS ABUSIVE NOW!!!! The whole thing is a fucking joke, that caused so much pain for a lot of people and loss. CAN YOU RETURN WHAT YOU HAVE TAKEN??????????????? NO YOU CAN'T!! DID YOU THINK OF ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU!!!!!You didn't did you? You didn't think of my kids, you didn't think of me, you didn't think of your own kids and I'm sorry but thats just despicable to me. You didn't think of you either. WHAT GOOD DID YOU REALLY SEE COMING OUT OF THIS?

Were you ever really planning on having threesomes with him? You tell a man that and believe him when he says I LOVE YOU? You believe him when you only have known him 2 weeks? How old are you? 35- 36? I think you might have regressed to JR.HIGH. At least I hope, otherwise thats just sad. Guess what, he left for this better life that he believed he was going to get with tons of sex with different people. You told him that was possible. You told him you were bisexual and a dominatrix, yet never proved or showed it. Unless calling him master was supposed to be kinky, you have it wrong though. Dominatrixes don't call others master. He didn't really like it by the way. I bet you could kinda tell by his performance. Yes I know all about that too, and it was NEVER that bad with me.

By the way he cheated on you too. Even the same day you had sex together. Like I said what you posted on pinterest is true for you too. I do have to thank you for some things though. Thank you for showing him what its like to live with someone who truly is manipulative, not imagined. Thank you for showing him that without love, life sucks. Thank you for showing your true colors, the truth always shines through. Thank you for showing him to appreciate what you got, not want what you don't have. You never compared, it was all an illusion made out of both of your lies. It didn't work for the rest of us in reality.Your fairytale is over, I wonder if you realized that you were the evil queen all along? No more moons or wolfs for you. By the way I have never cheated or knowingly helped someone cheat, in my life and never will. So what you have posted on pinterest does not apply to me!!

P.S. I have a lot of pics of you, naked and more....... But you really don't need to worry I will not do anything with them. I mean it too. Not my style so to speak. You should be thanking your higher powers I have morals. You don't have to worry in that dept. I won't post you on though) or do anything that will make your life harder. I think you will do that all on your own. Don't need my help, now do we? FIX YOUR SHIT!!!!!

OakStreet posted 8/1/2014 03:51 AM


Glad you got that off your chest!

But, please don't send that letter. Others will tell you that it accomplished nothing.

But now, since I'm up at this hour, I think I'll go write my own letter!

devasted30 posted 8/1/2014 05:31 AM

Great letter. Way to stick it to her. But, do not send it ever. It sounds to me like she is a lying self centred individual who would probably not even be fazed by it.

overandone posted 8/1/2014 06:44 AM

I'm probably in the minority here, as I did send an e-mail to OW, also shown to her H and my H a week or so after d-day and felt much better for it. If I'd left it a bit longer I would have thought of more to say, but that one will suffice. I told her exactly what I thought of her (and my H), how angry I was and basically to keep out of my way if she knew what was good for her. Worked a treat, I really needed to get stuff out of my system.

Only comment I'd make about your letter if you do decide to send it is go easy on the capital letters and puntuation marks as they distract a bit from what you're saying. Otherwise great!

JLyn1128 posted 8/1/2014 08:51 AM

I sent a letter to OW, but mainly because she sent one to me. Her letter (actually two, one addressed to him by name and one addressed to me by the names she likes to call me that I can't even print here)was full of vulgarity and venom intended to make both of us feel like crap and full of ALL CAP parts and a lot of exclamation points. So, I did write her one. Mine was calm and collected, no name calling, no anger displayed. Just the frustration in having to deal with her again. I felt I had to write it because in her letter to me she said how she took pleasure in being with him knowing I didn't know anything and that he CHOSE her again. I had to tell her that the fact that he was with me, again, was proof that he CHOSE me...but that wasn't what was important. I then proceeded to lay out why grown up relationships are better than those carried out in secret and it was unfair to her and her daughter to not want more out of life. I took the "motherly advice" route. It inflamed her more and unleashed a barrage of ugly texts to me, but that was it. I got out what I had to say......but, as I said, she started it. I finished it.

bluelightshine posted 8/1/2014 18:18 PM

Thanks for all the comments. Yeah, I agree my rage writing kinda showed through with the exclamation points and capitals. It was kinda releasing though.
Maybe a punching bag would be even more releasing.

I sometimes wonder if I should have said all this to her and more. If it would have helped me. On the other hand I do not want to invite psycho drama back into our lives.

My Wh and I are much happier with her gone. She and my Wh caused mass destruction and exited, after my WH told her that he couldn't win custody of our kids living with her cause she was a bad mother. So funny because all the crap they were talking about me. Course this was after a couple of months of Wh planning to get rid of her. They had a "rocky relationship", complete with suicide threats on both sides.

Also I think she will just love the attention and feed off the drama. I really doubt it would make her think. She has as far as I know left us alone but part of that might be fear. According to the lawyer my WH saw we can go after her legally. Some of the things she did don't seem to sit well with the law. Even the cops told us to take her to court. Funny cause she was always threatening to sue people too. Girl is just full of irony.

I think I'm not done venting yet. I keep hoping I'll be over it but it hasn't happened yet.
I want to be over it but its like a pool of bitter that just wants to trickle out.

steadfast1973 posted 8/2/2014 13:21 PM

My letter has a lot of name calling. Lol. I refer to myself using the names she called me. I even signed it, "that fat bitch who stole his last name". (Yes, she referred to me as that in an email. As if he had no choice...) I've written a few. Never sent any.

bluelightshine posted 8/2/2014 16:38 PM

I didn't write any names but I sure do think them. I had to delete some parts of the letter, just cause I said I wouldn't.

I didn't know you could steal a last name. If you are so powerful that you can make someone give you their last name, you would think she would be smart and just run in the other direction. I personally would be scared of someone that could be able to sway others in such a way.

scared&stronger posted 8/2/2014 18:27 PM

I too replied and signed it.....


bluelightshine posted 8/2/2014 19:14 PM

I think this fits for any BS who was called or called themselves a bitch by/to the OP or WS
I can't seem to paste the pic right so I just copied the saying.


Being a Bitch means
I stand up for myself and my beliefs
I stand up for those I Love
I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way
I won't compromise whats in my heart
I live my life My way
I won't allow anyone to step on me
I refuse to tolerate injustice
It means I have the courage &
strength to allow myself to be me
So try and stomp me, douse my inner flame
Squash every ounce of beauty I hold within
You won't succeed
And if that makes me a BITCH, so be it
I embrace the title and I'm proud to be a

[This message edited by bluelightshine at 7:21 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]

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