So then why do I feel so terrible. I just can't relax. I feel like at any moment the bottom is going to fall out. I guess I just don't feel emotionally safe.
I have started triggering again really bad, to the point of breaking out in tears almost daily. I look at my husband and want to poke him in the eye. We had to stop our MC due to lose of insurance. Wish we could afford it as self pay, but he is expensive!! So now we hardly talk at all. It feels like my feelings are changing towards my WH. I'm still going through the motions of R, but it doesn't seem like we are moving forward.
We just signed a year lease and now I feel almost like I am trapped, like I have to stay with him. He has done so much for me over the last three weeks, just damn near everything I have asked of him. Even came home with flowers for me one night, just out of the blue. Yet, I don't feel like he really wants me. Like he is going through the motions also just to appease me. So confusing. We still have sex ( found out he had extremely low testosterone levels, now fixed) but it seems it's all about him now. I don't withhold or refuse, I just don't enjoy it at all. Nothing feels intimate or close, just like a duty.
Is this normal? Is it just a phase of R? We are now 10 months post dday. Any help is greatly appreciated.
[This message edited by devasted30 at 5:20 AM, August 1st (Friday)]
You have been through SO much with d day, move, job insecurity, etc. Give yourself some time. BUT do communicate how you are feeling with your WH. He won't know any other way. And let him know what you want him to do if anything.
Also, are you entering any affair cycle anniversaries? Sometimes, especially the first two years, when we came upon those dates- which were marked by familiar things- for example a visit to family that occurs at the same time every year, marriedOW birthday which coincides with a US government holiday and which was a very important day for her to have MY husband at her side- I would trigger or experience some discomfort and not know or understand exactly why. check on that. And you are two months out from d day, so that may start to trigger you as well.
don't have sex if you don't want to. and explore that with him or in your journaling, if counseling isn't an option right now.
hang in there. be gentle with yourself. and communicate with wh.
Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons
You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou
" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now." R.R
I am also getting angry again.