None of us had to suffer like this.
Thats a hard pill to swallow when I think of what I go through on a daily basis. Mind movies. Thoughts of OW. Feeling less than. Uncertainty. Heartbreak. Anger. Grief. Sadness. Frustration. Etc.......
"this all could have been avoided"
Why the hell did I have to chose someone who would break my heart over and over and hurt the one he loves all because he "doesn't love himself"
Fuck that!!!! Today I'm not buying any of the self loathing bullshit. I'm sorry I'm just not feeling empathy for him today. He makes a mess and I ALWAYS CLEAN IT!! I always find an excuse for his behavior. His drug problem.....his business was failing and he couldn't deal properly with the loss and started using drugs. His raging jealousy issues.....he feels bad about himself because of his guilt from his past drug abuse so he projects his insecurities on me. His year long affair.....he didn't feel I loved him like I used to and needed to feel validation. Well you know what........FUCK HIM AND HIS INSECURITIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess what, I too had a shitty life growing up. Lots of people have. Get over it!!! I came from a broken home, I never had a stable home life always moving from place to place was even homeless for many of my adolescent years, I had an alcoholic step father, My "real" father never got involved in my life and still hasn't. ....The list goes on. I never felt confident and secure growing up, I have self esteem issues, but guess what?????? I DIDN'T FUCKING CHEAT ON MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE!!!!!!
Today I am not having one ounce of compassion for the man who is incapable of opening up his eyes and making the real changes in himself. For the past 4 years my life all of our marital problems revolved around HIM and his fucking issues!!!
I had to always focus on HIS PROBLEM, he would never stop. His jealousy took over and the fighting was constant. I could not be an effective parent when his fucking shit always overshadowed everything.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!! I dont care anymore about his fucking problems. This A is the final straw. How much can one person take? I'm beginning to wonder what wrong with ME???? Why do I continue to always have hope of brighter days? Why cant I just say "I've had enough?" I keep forgiving and try and work towards a happy future. I'm starting to believe there is no happy future with him. I took him back after I kicked him out of the house for 6 weeks. I'm starting to see the old patterns of his jealous behavior returning and we've already had a few blow outs. I CANNOT TOLERATE THIS FOR EVEN A SECOND. I don't want to go back to that dark place were we were the past 4 years. I REFUSE.
I cannot be an enabler in his self destructive life. He either fixes his shit or he can leave. And to think I didn't know what would be harder,staying together or separating. STAYING TOGETHER IS DEFINITELY THE HARDER CHOICE.
He's in IC. So am I. But I am not hopeful he is capable of true inner change. He is remorseful and wants to change. I just don't think he can.
BE A MAN. OWN YOUR SHIT. FIX IT!!!
So much suffering.
That all could have been avoided.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much right now.
I'm beginning to wonder what wrong with ME???? Why do I continue to always have hope of brighter days? Why cant I just say "I've had enough?"
I just want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you or feeling the way you feel. It's all understandable given the betrayal you've experienced and everything that went with it.
Please don't be down on yourself for being a good, honest, and hopeful person. If someone takes advantage of that, it's all on them. They are the one at fault, the one that is screwed up, not you.
Once you know what nastiness a person is capable of, then you pull back and protect yourself.
Wanting to assign some blame to yourself (like having a bad picker) is what we do when we need to feel like we are more in control of a situation than we are. It gives a false sense of comfort to think we made some mistake and we can correct it to avoid this pain in the future.
The truth is we can't control what other people do. There is nothing we can do if someone else comes along, hides that they have serious issues inside, assures us that things are good and behaves as if they are, and then BAM, screws us over. We can't prevent that. We can watch and not deny red flags and things that don't make sense but we can not prevent a good liar and actor from hurting us.
Sorry, just wanted to rant with you! I really have no healthy advice right now tbh...I think in very simple terms: some things are evil. Murder, rape, INFIDELITY.
Sometimes I feel stupid. Not for being cheated on, but because I am focusing energy on a person -on a grown ass man!!!-- who cheated (mine is not as bad as some other cases, he was at a strip club for hours, but how do I really know what happened) when I can't help thinking there might be better men out there that would appreciate my loyalty and return it. NOT that I am thinking of cheating, I'm not, but just in terms of a giving and receiving dynamic. I feel like I am always giving more than WH...more loyalty, more stability, more forgiveness, more understanding for his "problems". Sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to be in a solid, stable, less dramatic relationship with someone else rather than put up with this constant almost-cheating-but-could-be-worse, boundary crossing, rugsweeping, all attention on him stuff.
yeah, I'm feeling kind of negative today. Thank god I have SI.
Buttercup: We'll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has.
Sympathy as well.
There are so many bad things that can happen in life that our completely out of control, but all this suffering could have been avoided SO EASILY.
You 100% have a right to your anger. But, don't get stuck in self pity.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 1:51 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
I WANT IT TO BE ABOUT ME......FOR ONCE!!!!!!
I'm just sick of being the good supportive wife only to be treated like shit by someone who doesn't know how to love me or treat me with the respect I deserve or be supportive.
I wish I could ho back to when times were happier and effortless. In my wildest craziest dreams I never thought this is were my life would be at the age of 44!
[This message edited by GonnaGetThru at 3:36 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
His choice was get clean or get divorced!
I dont know how some people can put up with that craziness for that long, I couldn't. I feel the same now with his issues. Get your shit together or its divorce. For God sakes, I just want a peaceful life, is that too much to ask????
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.