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Newest Member: Greengrass (61808)

User Topic: No contact letter
♀ 44303
Member # 44303
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I updated my original post with this questions but since new to site wasn't sure if a new topic was better for getting responses.

What do you think about the "no contact" letter recommended by "Surviving Infidelity" and probably others?
Since he ended the two PAs, and hasn't had contact, it seems unnecessary to send except for admitting to the OW that it was wrong and cruel to me. I recall multiple purposes to the letter which include an attempt to regain my respect, his integrity and rebuild my dignity. But, it there is no contact, it could be waking a sleeping dog.
For the EA, the last email I saw was open-ended. He said he would "see her this summer". He told me yesterday that she texted him after that and he responded that he had alot going on in his life and he was checking out. I said that was not sufficient since it just said "it's not a good time." He claims he is still going to send the no-contact letter. Thoughts?

Thank you.

him- WBF- PA 2006, D-Day 2006; 2 PAs, 1 EA 2013-2014, D-Day April and June 2014.

Posts: 30 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 41193
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree that sending a NC letter to the two PA partners may be unnecessary IF they REALLY are already no contact. Sleeping dogs.

Depending on the depth of the EA, a NC letter may or may not be appropriate....but leaving it "open-ended" as he did wasn't right. Perhaps the best thing, if you trust him, is for him to never respond to her again.

Someone else may have better advice. My WH was unable to send a NC letter because the OW was his employee and I said "nothing in writing, you dumbass".

Me: 60, WH 67
Married: 23 years
DS 21, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
Divorced Jan. 2016

Posts: 961 | Registered: Nov 2013
♀ 41915
Member # 41915
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, August 1st (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There had to be a NC for us. I could see the email account they were using to communicate right under my nose (keystroke logger) and WSO was not making contact with her. HE decided it was best to just stop contact. He wasn't even reading her emails. I had texted her to tell her I knew and he would not be seeing her any more. She didn't believe me. She was getting increasingly desperate and sending pictures of her naked breasts saying "don't you miss these?" I demanded a NC email. He sent just a short two liner that he was sorry he let their friendship go too far and not to contact him. That finally brought it home to her and she knew. It unleashed the gates of hell on me.... but she had to hear it from him. Otherwise, I think, the door would have been open just that little crack.

Me BSO 63
Him WSO 63
Together 31years, married for a year
OW - Available. Thinks 'love' is in the way he looks at her.
Status - R and hopeful

Posts: 107 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: CA
Topic Posts: 3

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