SIL has an online A w/ someone across the country. My niece tells her "Him or me". IOW- when SIL left Bro, then 16yo niece would stay with bro. She felt betrayed. When they got back together, it was hard for her because of the abandonment and seeing they didn't really work through the issues, just got back together (after D).
About a year ago she found out her first love had been cheating on her multiple times from what I gather. She didn't want to talk about it but said she was fine. She was interested in another guy.
IMO, she was in an EA. She was also triggering about her mother's A when my sister got pregnant by HER AP.
She moved in with the guy after dating a few months. Ignored the red flags I warned her about. MrH actually had me relay to her: new guy is MrH- RUN.
About 6mos into the relationship, her BF cheated on her. She chose to rugsweep. Didn't feel it was healthy to ask for transparency. Didn't have him read the PDF of "How to Help Your Spouse Heal" that I sent her. Basically she took the same route to R that I took the first time and her parents took.
Their 1yr anniversary is apparently in a few days. They broke up this weekend. Why? He was still in the A. NOW he's broken it off with OW. His reasons for her taking him back are all about him. She's being wise (so far) and not taking him back.
So that's the background. Here's my question- finally!
When I said I just don't get why people don't leave or focus on their SO, she said she got it. That the new attention is tempting and feels good. When I said yeah, but look at how new you two were...there shouldn't be looking for something else that soon in a committed relationship (red flags in moving in together too soon aside). That to continue an A after seeing the pain of the BP after d-day is still something I'll never understand.
She replied that it was just something that happened in her age group. Flirting that turned into more before you realize something is happening.
Is it an age or generational thing?
Because when I was their age (she'll be 20 soon, he's 26.) There wasn't a lot of guys flirting with me but a couple of times things just felt wrong, KWIM? MrH and I started dating at 18 and M at 20 and despite his breaches in boundaries, I never thought of looking at another guy until....well ever.
Was I just weird? At 20ish years old, is it normal to take a run at the slippery slope and not have a gut feeling that things are wrong? Because if so, then maybe I allowed the OEA when we were 20 to damage me more than I should have. Maybe I overreacted and created a gulf in our M?