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Feeling low today

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Hopeful74 posted 8/1/2014 13:59 PM

Hi everyone. Let me just start out by saying I know I am a great person. I am funny, smart, caring and loyal. I know these things. At least, I used to. I am feeling really down today. Trying to do limited contact with him. He wants me back and is waiting for me. I should be in the driver's seat, right? I should just be sitting back, waiting for him to give me a reason to want him again, and knowing that I will be fine if he doesn't. But I'm not. I am on edge (not as bad as it was, but still not great). I have tried to pull back and feel like he has pulled back further. I think he is texting someone and hanging out with his married friends and their friends (including females). My self esteem is shot. I am not a thin woman. But I am pretty and my husband has always told me how beautiful I am, even during the affair. And then he went and had an affair with a woman with a good body, so yeah, I'm not feeling sexy these days! But above that, I feel like he is out there meeting people and I don't even get hit on when I go out with friends. I got hit on more when I was with him than I do now, and I have lost 40 pounds since January (not including the 190 pounds of asshat!!). I just have this fear that he is going to find someone else and realize that what he had before really was not all that great. Oh my god! I sound pathetic!!!! I really just needed to vent and find a little encouragement, I guess. I think I will go take some midol now. Thanks!

steadfast1973 posted 8/1/2014 14:05 PM

What you're feeling is normal. Don't beat yourself up over it. Can't be strong all day everyday. We are all allowed bad days.

steppingup posted 8/1/2014 14:12 PM

I just have this fear that he is going to find someone else and realize that what he had before really was not all that great.

^^^^ Lies from the pit of Hell ^^^^^^^^^^^^

Don't believe it, say with me, "get behind me Satan".

You are scared, as is many of us about making big changes when we are emotional, but would it really have made any difference if the OW was completely unattractive? I don't think so. My WWs APs were all very unattractive IMHO, but that never mattered at all to me.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, and as cliche as it is, the real beauty honest men go for is the beauty of the heart, how a woman treats a man. I would never want to marry a Playboy model or anything close to it, only NPDs go for that stuff and all the realtionships are shortlived. Just look on TV, worthless relationships abounding...

YOU are BEAUTIFUL, YOU will find a new path that leads to lasting and worthy love, this is your future mediate on this daily and it will happen in time. Be patient my dear.

norabird posted 8/1/2014 14:17 PM

(((Hopeful74)))

R can't be predicated on a fear that he is able to go out there and get laid whenever he wants while you are left to a lonely spinsterhood, or a fear that he might find someone 'better' while you deliberate and take your time over a majorly hard decision.

If he is really waiting for you, than he should not be with anyone else. And if he is with someone else, it's due to brokenness. While you may not be attracting male attention because you aren't in a place to be healthy and available; in other words, you are (quite appropriately!) broadcasting signals that say 'taken' and 'not ready'. Understandably, your energies are directed somewhere other than looking for the cheap ego boost of flirting and being hit on.

Don't let the attention of others artificially inflate or deflate your knowledge of your true worth, which is independent of those two things.

Hopeful74 posted 8/1/2014 17:11 PM

Thanks so much everyone. I know everything you have said is true. I am just trying to come to terms with the end of my marriage. I honestly don't know if my H has always been like this and I have changed since DDay or if this is new to him. I had no idea he could be so callous and insenstive toward me. And he called me this am telling me how he wants me back 'I know that he loves me, right?' No, I don't know that. He is lying, I know he is lying and he knows I know he is lying. And he is STILL lying!!! I feel like he is trying to give me just enough to keep me on the hook, and then he will release me when he is ready!!! I have no idea who this man is!

BlueBlueEyes posted 8/1/2014 23:17 PM

Hopeful,
How sad is it that I'm a little jealous that your husband cheated with someone attractive? I've always been fairly thin and taken care if myself thinking it would matter. My husband picked one thin but ugly on the inside and out woman for a lta and a 300lb average looking cow for a two month A. Looks definately aren't a consideration. I still feel less than either. I hope you can get to a place of peace. I'm still trying to R but can't believe anything he says. He's lied so much I'm not sure why he'd change.

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