SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

atsenaotie posted 8/1/2014 14:54 PM

stbx and I are separated for a month now, working on the paperwork towards D. People have asked why I still wear my ring, and my answer has been because I am still (legally) M'd. I had planned to wear my ring until I was D'd, but the questions have gotten me thinking. We really are not a couple or emotionally M'd any longer, we are D-ing. Is it appropriate to take off my ring? when did you?

deena posted 8/1/2014 15:01 PM

D-Day was the day I last wore my ring.

That ring is a sign of trust and love. When my WH broke that trust the ring came off.

7yrsflushed posted 8/1/2014 15:01 PM

As soon as I knew I was filing for D. I took mine off and didn't look back. While I was still legally married, the bond and vows the ring stood for were broken by XWW so they meant nothing at that point. It did take awhile for me to actually get used to not having it on but I eventually got over it. I took back XWW's wedding and engagement rings. I gave them to my parents to keep in case the kids wanted them some day. Figured that was better than throwing them in the trash.

Numb2014 posted 8/1/2014 15:11 PM

I took my ring off the moment I discovered the infidelity. I still kept my morals and values by refusing to date until the d was finalized (was asked out by someone I was REALLY interested in and had to turn him down...that was hard!), but as far as the ring, nope. I was no longer "taken".

LeftOutintheCold posted 8/1/2014 15:18 PM

Mine was removed the day he left me. As of two weeks ago, I sold every piece of jewelry he ever gave me. All the diamonds were supposed to mean forever... My forever walked out the door 5 months ago. I didn't need those reminders anymore.

pepper77 posted 8/1/2014 15:20 PM

When I confirmed the infidelity I took it off. Rings are a symbol of your love and commitment to one another. If you're divorcing I think it would be appropriate to take it off if you're wanting to.

kra127 posted 8/1/2014 15:25 PM

I never put them on again after Dday. I guess in my mind after that trust was broken I no longer felt the need to wear a symbol of our marriage. My WH has asked for the rings back but I refused to give them up.

hurtbs posted 8/1/2014 15:36 PM

When I moved out.

tigrislilium posted 8/1/2014 15:48 PM

I removed my wedding rings about 5 months in, and also made him remove his and give it to me, then I dropped them in the bedroom wastebasket - all dramatic and full of "how does THAT make you feel, you dickhead?" (I was just coming out of my shock/numb phase, finding myself, and realizing I was MAD.)

Then I stretched my dramatic grandstanding a little too far and said "you might as well sell them because they are worthless to me and I'll never wear them again."

He immediately retrieved them from the wastebasket and said "I'm not gonna let you throw them out. I have hope that one day you'll want to wear them again."

One month later I was away from home visiting a friend, and I found out he PAWNED them to pay off a (large) bill he incurred while impressing all his piggies with expensive meals, gifts and hotels...

They were MINE to do what I saw fit with, and he KNEW I was only saying to sell them in a fit of hurt and anger, but to this day he uses my reactionary words against me, and I'm out over $7k - which could have covered my attorney's fees (if I decide to D)...

FML.

healingroad posted 8/1/2014 15:51 PM

I took off my ring twice. First time was shortly after D-Day #1 when she refused to apologize (this was during false R). I put it on again when I thought we might have a chance at successful R.

Second time was when I lost my love for her, after a particularly difficult bit of trickle-truth (she said she'd rather D than tell me the name of the GF that recommended infidelity). It remains off to this day.

badmedicine posted 8/1/2014 16:05 PM

I took mine off when I filed for divorce. I kept it on before that because it reminded me of MY vows. When we attempted to R I never put it back on because I didn't trust him. Turns out I was right...he couldn't do what I needed and the divorce is going through. He still wears his now even though he never wore it before dday. It kind of pisses me off that he decided to put it on now.

Jls0320 posted 8/1/2014 16:58 PM

When we separated 2 wks ago I took my wedding rings off and was wearing a band my mom gave me, then a few days ago when I filed for divorce I took that off too. H is still wearing his

whiteflower99 posted 8/1/2014 17:18 PM

I took mine off the minute I my suspicions were confirmed. I knew it was time to divorce when I began speculating what to do with the diamonds. I earned the damn things so by God I WILL wear them. I just have to figure out what to turn them into.

cantaccept posted 8/1/2014 17:29 PM

On dday #1.

I told him that I was ready to wear them again on November 13th, 2013. He was procrastinating about giving them back. I thought he wanted it to be special.

He was involved with ow#2 in reality. He couldn't cross that line

I took them back on dday#2. They are in a drawer and I will never wear them again. NOt sure what to do with them now.

tesla posted 8/1/2014 17:36 PM

Immediately.
The vow that put that ring on my hand was broken. I saw no reason to continue wearing it.

strad posted 8/1/2014 18:02 PM

Maybe 2 weeks after d day. He noticed and asked me why, and I told him I would not wear gifts from a man who had betrayed me.

SBB posted 8/1/2014 18:05 PM

I took mine off immediately.

welcome14 posted 8/1/2014 18:36 PM

I had a three diamond ring, two round 1/3 carats with a 1 carat marquise center stone. I now have a pair of bezel set in white gold earrings and a lovely marquise pendant with a filagree setting. After 24 years with a NPD, I figured I earned them. This happened after DD 2. When my mom n dad divorced (after 36 years and 1 gold-digging whore), she had her set of rings reset with rubies (her birthstone) added for a right hand ring- when she died, I had one of the smaller diamonds replaced with a peridot (daughter's birthstone) and gave it to DD. She cherishes it. She will also love my earrings and pendant when I am gone, so good can come of it. You will know when your heart is done, it will tell you what to do.

Must Survive posted 8/1/2014 18:37 PM

I took mine off immediately. They have never been back on. I loved what they (or so I thought) stood for.

StrongAndCapable posted 8/1/2014 18:48 PM

I took mine off about two months after DDay. We were still attending MC and he was still fence sitting at the time but I knew he was lying and had broken NC with OW. He came to pick up our son one day and noticed the rings were off and said something. I said the rings were a symbol of a commitment that has been broken.