Topic: When Did You Remove your Ring?
Member # 27650
| Posted: 2:54 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
stbx and I are separated for a month now, working on the paperwork towards D. People have asked why I still wear my ring, and my answer has been because I am still (legally) M'd. I had planned to wear my ring until I was D'd, but the questions have gotten me thinking. We really are not a couple or emotionally M'd any longer, we are D-ing. Is it appropriate to take off my ring? when did you?
LTA FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing
Posts: 4169 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Member # 27275
| Posted: 3:01 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
D-Day was the day I last wore my ring.
That ring is a sign of trust and love. When my WH broke that trust the ring came off.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.
Posts: 3235 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Member # 32258
| Posted: 3:01 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
As soon as I knew I was filing for D. I took mine off and didn't look back. While I was still legally married, the bond and vows the ring stood for were broken by XWW so they meant nothing at that point. It did take awhile for me to actually get used to not having it on but I eventually got over it. I took back XWW's wedding and engagement rings. I gave them to my parents to keep in case the kids wanted them some day. Figured that was better than throwing them in the trash.
BH = Me
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!
Posts: 1986 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 43919
| Posted: 3:11 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I took my ring off the moment I discovered the infidelity. I still kept my morals and values by refusing to date until the d was finalized (was asked out by someone I was REALLY interested in and had to turn him down...that was hard!), but as far as the ring, nope. I was no longer "taken".
High school sweethearts. 14 years gone. He doesn't even care. It meant nothing to him.
False R-3/2011 to 6/2014
Found evidence going back 2 years. He's moving in with OW.
Posts: 233 | Registered: Jun 2014
Member # 42856
| Posted: 3:18 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
Mine was removed the day he left me. As of two weeks ago, I sold every piece of jewelry he ever gave me. All the diamonds were supposed to mean forever... My forever walked out the door 5 months ago. I didn't need those reminders anymore.
Me - 42
WH - 40
Dday - 3/6/14
Married 5yrs, together 11yrs
Status - Headed towards Divorce
Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2014
Member # 42337
| Posted: 3:20 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
When I confirmed the infidelity I took it off. Rings are a symbol of your love and commitment to one another. If you're divorcing I think it would be appropriate to take it off if you're wanting to.
Me, 30. SAXWH, 32.
D-day 1/24/14, TT over the next month (and I'm sure I still don't have the full story. Guess it doesn't matter.)
3 boys under 8.
Together 12 yrs, married 2. Divorced August 18.
Posts: 37 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 41045
| Posted: 3:25 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I never put them on again after Dday. I guess in my mind after that trust was broken I no longer felt the need to wear a symbol of our marriage. My WH has asked for the rings back but I refused to give them up.
2 young kids, Married 10 yrs
Posts: 114 | Registered: Oct 2013
Member # 10866
| Posted: 3:36 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
When I moved out.
Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
Posts: 15412 | Registered: Jun 2006
Member # 39893
| Posted: 3:48 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I removed my wedding rings about 5 months in, and also made him remove his and give it to me, then I dropped them in the bedroom wastebasket - all dramatic and full of "how does THAT make you feel, you dickhead?" (I was just coming out of my shock/numb phase, finding myself, and realizing I was MAD.)
Then I stretched my dramatic grandstanding a little too far and said "you might as well sell them because they are worthless to me and I'll never wear them again."
He immediately retrieved them from the wastebasket and said "I'm not gonna let you throw them out. I have hope that one day you'll want to wear them again."
One month later I was away from home visiting a friend, and I found out he PAWNED them to pay off a (large) bill he incurred while impressing all his piggies with expensive meals, gifts and hotels...
They were MINE to do what I saw fit with, and he KNEW I was only saying to sell them in a fit of hurt and anger, but to this day he uses my reactionary words against me, and I'm out over $7k - which could have covered my attorney's fees (if I decide to D)...
Me: BS, early 40s/ Him: WS, mid 40s
His affairs: 3 LTAs over at least 5 years, all of them overlapping at the time I found out
DDay: December 2011
Separated ~1 yr, recently reunited
Posts: 66 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: East coast
Member # 41920
| Posted: 3:51 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I took off my ring twice. First time was shortly after D-Day #1 when she refused to apologize (this was during false R). I put it on again when I thought we might have a chance at successful R.
Second time was when I lost my love for her, after a particularly difficult bit of trickle-truth (she said she'd rather D than tell me the name of the GF that recommended infidelity). It remains off to this day.
Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
TT/Broke NC/False R
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
Posts: 974 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Member # 41692
| Posted: 4:05 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I took mine off when I filed for divorce. I kept it on before that because it reminded me of MY vows. When we attempted to R I never put it back on because I didn't trust him. Turns out I was right...he couldn't do what I needed and the divorce is going through. He still wears his now even though he never wore it before dday. It kind of pisses me off that he decided to put it on now.
"The wishbone will never replace the backbone." -Will Henry
"This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it." -Dorothy Parker
Posts: 208 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Member # 41192
| Posted: 4:58 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
When we separated 2 wks ago I took my wedding rings off and was wearing a band my mom gave me, then a few days ago when I filed for divorce I took that off too. H is still wearing his
Me: 33 BS 2 boys (3 & 5yr)
Him: 34 WH, sex addict, narcissist, 18 mos EA/2 mos PA with co-worker whore
Too many DDays 9/13-1/15, too many chances to be a good man
Together 16 yrs, married 7yrs
Posts: 625 | Registered: Nov 2013
Member # 13937
| Posted: 5:18 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I took mine off the minute I my suspicions were confirmed. I knew it was time to divorce when I began speculating what to do with the diamonds. I earned the damn things so by God I WILL wear them. I just have to figure out what to turn them into.
What are you pretending not to know?
him idiotic sex addicted, hormone addled, porn watching, post pubescent male with a walking hard on for anything without a penis
4 kids 15 13 12 8
Earned my *F* the hard way.
Posts: 1881 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Not Lothlorien
Member # 37451
| Posted: 5:29 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
On dday #1.
I told him that I was ready to wear them again on November 13th, 2013. He was procrastinating about giving them back. I thought he wanted it to be special.
He was involved with ow#2 in reality. He couldn't cross that line
I took them back on dday#2. They are in a drawer and I will never wear them again. NOt sure what to do with them now.
"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"
I would now like to be known as Can!
dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
attempted R, it was all a lie
Posts: 1751 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
Member # 34697
| Posted: 5:36 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
The vow that put that ring on my hand was broken. I saw no reason to continue wearing it.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
Posts: 4956 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 41509
| Posted: 6:02 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
Maybe 2 weeks after d day. He noticed and asked me why, and I told him I would not wear gifts from a man who had betrayed me.
Me: BW, 49
married 26 years
Posts: 46 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Member # 35229
| Posted: 6:05 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I took mine off immediately.
I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!
Posts: 5778 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 26741
| Posted: 6:36 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I had a three diamond ring, two round 1/3 carats with a 1 carat marquise center stone. I now have a pair of bezel set in white gold earrings and a lovely marquise pendant with a filagree setting. After 24 years with a NPD, I figured I earned them. This happened after DD 2. When my mom n dad divorced (after 36 years and 1 gold-digging whore), she had her set of rings reset with rubies (her birthstone) added for a right hand ring- when she died, I had one of the smaller diamonds replaced with a peridot (daughter's birthstone) and gave it to DD. She cherishes it. She will also love my earrings and pendant when I am gone, so good can come of it. You will know when your heart is done, it will tell you what to do.
Nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home- nikki sixx
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.
Posts: 1279 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: clarksville, tn/ Ft Campbell
Member # 34533
| Posted: 6:37 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I took mine off immediately. They have never been back on. I loved what they (or so I thought) stood for.
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3
They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen
Posts: 845 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Member # 44279
| Posted: 6:48 PM, August 1st (Friday), 2014|
I took mine off about two months after DDay. We were still attending MC and he was still fence sitting at the time but I knew he was lying and had broken NC with OW. He came to pick up our son one day and noticed the rings were off and said something. I said the rings were a symbol of a commitment that has been broken.
BS - me, 37
WH- him, 38
DS - almost 5
DDay - mid April
7 month EA, long distance
Continuing long distance A
Moving toward D
Posts: 41 | Registered: Jul 2014
|Topic Posts: 40|