Am I off the mark here? Is it a regional thing I am not aware of? How do you feel about hearing a friend be called *the wife* or being called *the wife* yourself?
*The wife* feels very dismissive to me.
My Ddays - Jan 2010 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.
I also see it as very dismissive. As if your wife/partner is an object that can be picked up and put down at your leisure.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs
I edit often for clarity/typos.
I will usually say "you mean <Trixie>?" in a tone of voice that announces that my underlying thought is (<you're a dick>) -- these days I'm extremely sensitive to dismissive-type language.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
I agree with you.
In the end, after the affair, it was one of the things I tearfully complained about. Now he tries to use "my wife" and it makes me happy.
As BrokenButTrying pointed out, "the wife" is used a lot in my native England, with humorous, rather than derogatory intent, so it doesn't bother me at all. I would actually have preferred it if my husband had said "the wife" than always referred to me by my name! British women don't usually say "the husband" but use other expressions in the same vein. So I think it's even-handed.
Obviously there may be a big cultural divide here. But I think the intent is what matters. If a man is deliberately using it to devalue his spouse then it's obviously unacceptable. But if, as sometimes happens, especially with older men, he uses it because he gets a bit embarrassed about emotional stuff and it's a subtle way of trying to sound more macho, I don't think there's any harm in it. I'm glad he cares enough to talk to people about her.
I will confess that I find the word "hubby" exceedingly irritating! But I don't have any logical reason for it.
[This message edited by Cally60 at 6:22 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
The spouse...it still hurts.
[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 6:25 PM, August 1st (Friday)]
OW - multiple, just found out about ALL of them, Husband coming out of years of fog due to multiple childhood and military events.
Hopeful but cautious
But as a regular usage it is disrespectful, dismissive & objectifying.
If a man does it because he's uncomfortable with emotions: he needs to grow up. If he does it frequently and to be funny: it's not. Stop it. If he does it obliviously he needs to have it explained to him lovingly and kindly - and if he persists then he's passive aggressive and needs a lesson in consequences.
It perpetuates the mindset of women as "things" and objects to be acted upon, not agents of their lives, whole and autonomous. Would piss me off royally.