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AmSoDone posted 8/1/2014 16:39 PM

My DD called today. Apparently, on a rare night out with her partner last night, she had a bit too much to drink and sent a drunken text to her father.

She couldn't even make sense of what she had written, something about how much she loved him, ramblings about how and when he had hurt her etc.

She said he has been trying to get hold of her all morning.

I asked her why she hadn't spoken to him. She said she really doesn't want to. She doesn't know why she texted him. Then she said - well I can't text my XH can I? (She is with someone new now but still hasn't resolved her issues over her break-up with her XH).We had to break the call then and when I called her back, I was able to say to her that even though there are 101 things I could say, all I would say was if she really doesn't feel ready to talk to her father, then she should text him and say exactly that. It stops him constantly calling and gives her time to think.

For my part, I had to swallow my own feelings and help her the best I could without getting involved. But I really want to. I'm glad we broke when we did.

I hate the fact that I can't do anything to help her. My hands are tied. She is still my baby but I can no longer make her feel like everything will be ok.

But mostly, I hate the fact that one day, she will talk to him and I will have to stand by and hope he doesn't hurt her again.

She is going to IC now and I can only hope that she gets a bit stronger before she attempts to deal with his 'special' fucked-up brand of parenting.

It's funny that he hasn't tried to contact me though all this. He was quick to forward a text to me that she send him months ago saying that she loved him but was still angry with him.

Maybe it's because he knows I would bite his fucking head off this time.

healingroad posted 8/1/2014 17:01 PM

Ugh that sucks. No advice here, but I'm sorry this has happened to you.

(((ASD)))

GreenandBlue posted 8/2/2014 00:57 AM

AmSoDone, I really understand that feeling of wanting to help our kids. The day after D-Day, WH went skiing. Both kids are far away (of course, he waited till they were back at school to drop the bomb). Both kids were texting me for help with their own situations. I knew I couldn't fake it. A friend of mine found WH on the ski slope and told him to call me ASAP. When he finally did, a few hours later, I insisted he come home -- we needed to tell the kids together. My friend stood there and made sure he left the ski area.
So we call Oldest Child (22, in grad school), I prompt WH to tell the story on speaker phone. I didn't want him spinning the story to the kids -- wanted both of us to hear each other. Oldest Child unleashed holy hell on his head. Then broke down. While I was soothing her on the phone, making sure that there was someone who could come sit with her, I looked over and saw WH in the fetal position with arms locked over his head, shaking on the floor. That was six months ago. He has tried to reach that child ONCE since then. Says he's afraid she won't pick up the phone.
She feels utterly rejected, abandoned. She is fearful of him. While doing a research fellowship at a big museum this summer, she has befriended the security guards because she is fearful that WH will show up.
Nope. WH doesn't really care. It's all about him and the OW, love of his life and her kids. And WH really told the kids that this LT affair/leaving me was "the right thing to do" and that they "should be happy for him."
Yep. I was sitting right next to him.
I have been telling my kids about the 180. They feel betrayed too.
_____________________________________________
Me BS, 56
Him WH, hopefully STBXWH, almost 51
married 24 years, will be 25 years on 8/5/2014
Two brilliant, fantastic grown children 23 and 20
D-Day 1/31/2014
D filed 4/23/2014