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Can it really be so easy as....

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 heartbrokeninaz (original poster member #40779) posted at 10:39 PM on Friday, August 1st, 2014

I wanted to try something, someone new? That is partly what has come out in our discussions. That we have been married since we were young. He said he was bored, and wanted to try different. Could it really be that simple? Oh and he felt like I was his sister, not his wife.

BW 51(me)WH 51DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with whorenado DDay 2 05/09/14 texts to another woman (not returned)Dday 3 06 15/18 texting to meetup with a mutual friend not reciprocated. I live a real life fairy tale.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Phoenix
id 6894525
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 heartbrokeninaz (original poster member #40779) posted at 10:42 PM on Friday, August 1st, 2014

That does sting. I gotta say.

BW 51(me)WH 51DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with whorenado DDay 2 05/09/14 texts to another woman (not returned)Dday 3 06 15/18 texting to meetup with a mutual friend not reciprocated. I live a real life fairy tale.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Phoenix
id 6894528
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tl502 ( member #42607) posted at 11:21 PM on Friday, August 1st, 2014

That may have been his motivation, but why he felt justified to cheat on his wife, his marriage, his family and his values is where the true work begins.

The fact that he felt like your brother instead of your husband is a level of immaturity. He can't cope with an adult relationship, and can't deal with the trials and frustrations of m. He may have retreated from controversy?

My h often treated me like his mother. He would even ask me if he could do something. If I told him that I wasnt his mother once, I said it a million times. Very frustrating.

Married 35 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: big blue nation
id 6894571
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Lark ( member #43773) posted at 11:34 PM on Friday, August 1st, 2014

It sounds like an excuse

Possibly a contributing factor in why he gave himself permission

But not an actual reason.

As for the sister vs. wife - is that what he told himself during? In my experience listening to my husband's perspectives before and during the A, he had started withdrawing from our marriage mentally/emotionally long before he gave himself permission to have an A. Those were contributing factors. The stresses we had in the marriage were real stresses and real things. but none of them gave him permission, he gave it to himself. And once he did, his perspective of me/our marriage shifted as well to continue giving himself permission - he saw us as distant. And it's no wonder, considering he gave me/our M a fraction of the attention he gave to the OW. hard to feel close to someone when you have an entire second life that takes os much mental energy away as well.

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” - Dumbledore

posts: 4131   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2014   ·   location: California
id 6894581
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nokidding ( member #16242) posted at 12:07 AM on Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

I think your WS is diminishing here as a means of coping, and possibly avoiding any real sense of responsibility.

Ask and remorseful WS about the tremendous hard work it takes to fix whoa is broken within them.

I mean, seriously, it's not like he fell into a pothole by accident. Cheating take real effort, work, lying.

I agree with Lark. This is not an actual answer.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”

posts: 2694   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2007   ·   location: SE PA
id 6894619
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 heartbrokeninaz (original poster member #40779) posted at 1:50 AM on Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

He said that he felt no connection to me. He didn't know how to talk to me about it. It had like your case started years earlier with the emotional detatch. I just took this to be pretty honest. He was looking for someone easy and new. It is a truth in my book. Not the why but a truth.

BW 51(me)WH 51DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with whorenado DDay 2 05/09/14 texts to another woman (not returned)Dday 3 06 15/18 texting to meetup with a mutual friend not reciprocated. I live a real life fairy tale.

posts: 376   ·   registered: Sep. 24th, 2013   ·   location: Phoenix
id 6894715
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BtraydWife ( member #42581) posted at 1:54 PM on Saturday, August 2nd, 2014

Yeah that's not his why. That's just the excuse he told himself to justify it.

Don't you think some married people wonder about being with someone else, even just in fantasy, and especially if they've only been with one or two people?

I think that sounds normal to wonder but many people don't cross that line from fantasy to reality.

What allowed him to cross that line is his why. Many times it's several things, not just one personal flaw. What he told you isn't a reason, it's an excuse.

He's not digging hard enough. Most people need some therapy to get to the real reasons. If he's not in IC get him signed up.

Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010

posts: 5437   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 6895039
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