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I'm pretty sure dd is meeting ow right now

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Numb2014 posted 8/1/2014 17:44 PM

I need guidance. I need to know how to react when dd tells me she met ow. How the hell do you keep your composure? I know its happening sooner rather than later. How do I stop the sting from stinging? Or at least hide it from dd?

Isn't it the respectful thing to do to tell the other parent "Hey, FYI, dd will be meeting ow today". Isn't that the "right" thing to do? I know...I know..."the right" thing isn't necessarily the way they do things.

Please pray for me. Help me figure out the best way to respond to this. I will find out in 1 hour when I pick dd up...

SBB posted 8/1/2014 18:14 PM

What I would do is expect she has met her and practice your responses. "That's nice". I also try to steer the conversation towards the 'them' in the story rather than talk about the whore.

I don't talk about her. I don't mention her name. I don't ask for info. Nothing. She is nothing to me.

At first it is agony hearing that whores name come out of your babies mouths but like with anything it becomes your new normal.

I struggled with this a lot in the beginning. I never thought it would stop feeling like I was dying. But it did, It stopped.

I will warn you that in my experience little kids are very excited by new people. In the early days my girls would get on the phone to their dad and be very excited about OWUmpteen. That didn't last - thank fuck. A few weeks later a GF of mine came over for lunch and my girls didn't stop talking about her for weeks.

It isn't because the person is so awesome it is because kids are excited by new people and things.


Numb2014 posted 8/1/2014 18:20 PM

Thank you SBB. I will definitely keep that in mind-about my dd being excited. I may try to non-challantly change the subject. With my son, I could tell him "I really dont want to talk about what you Dad is up to" or something along those lines, and he was always great about it. It may not have been the best way for me to respond to him either though, in hindsight

SBB posted 8/1/2014 18:41 PM

Practice the conversations and maybe even do it in front of a mirror.

I have an almost 4 year old and they are pretty self involved so it isn't hard to guide the conversation away from the whore. Just be mindful of your body language etc. as they do pick up on tension.

Do your falling apart when she goes to bed and remind yourself that many mums/dads have been right where you are now and we survived it. As long as his whores are not unkind to my girls I can live with it.

I will never love it but I have accepted it.

newlysingle posted 8/2/2014 08:03 AM

I was not given a heads up as to when HK met my kids either. It is so hard, but as others say, it becomes your new normal. I also say a lot of "that's nice" and direct the conversation back to dd.

I wouldn't say anything like "I don't want to hear about dad's house". You always want to keep the lines if communication open with your kids. You don't want them to keep things from you in fear that it will upset you. There may be goings on at dad's house that they really need your advice and support in dealing with.

tryingagain74 posted 8/2/2014 08:27 AM

I was also not given a heads up; I was like a deer in the headlights when my eldest DS said, "We met Dad's friend...[OW]?" I was cleaning something at the time, and I had to turn my back on him so he wouldn't see the grimace on my face.

I agree with the others. It's hard to believe, but over time, you will care less and less when her name comes out of your kids' mouths. Honestly, when my kids talk about CommandOwife now, it's typically to complain about her, and I don't foster that environment. I expect my kids to behave respectfully and politely, so I typically deflect their remarks or say something like, "That must have been difficult to deal with." So far, she hasn't done anything so terrible that I have needed to get involved; my kids just don't care for her, and I remember feeling worried that they'd like her more, would think she was wonderful, etc. They liked her at first, but now, I think they just tolerate her. Both she and my ex are slowly but surely showing my kids who they are.

Just keep a smile plastered to your face, say "That's nice!" and then change the subject: "So, do you want to go to the playground later?" Kids really can't tell when you're steering them away from a subject deliberately, so that's your best bet that allows your kids to talk to you without creating drama for them or excessive pain for you.

You'll get through this! (((Numb)))

GreatRoleModel posted 8/2/2014 08:39 AM

I wasn't given a heads up either or the kids for that matter (they were teens) and he surprised them as they went to visit him for Fathers Day, thinking it would be the three of them. Needless to say I was totally blindsided when they got home but I just said I am sorry you weren't given any notice but I hope you were respectful as you have been taught and they were. It's unfortunate bc that day is etched in my kids forever and now Father's Day is not a good memory and he wonders why they are struggling with being happy for him and Barbie!

All you can do is smile and redirect and EX and OW will show themselves for who they are they always do. Your kids know who the safe parent is so hold onto that to get you through.

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