She is on bedrest for baby still and really restless. It's our anniversary today. We have been together five years and married one today. I feel like since D is dropped, I need to go big. My cheating happened before M, not to minimize it, but I have tried to be a good husband and make it up every moment we have been engaged and married. I want to celebrate our anniversary because I loved her when we said "I do" and I do today. She has not mentioned it and seems sad today. Do I acknowledge simply, huge, or not at all? She won't mention it. I bought her a massage to get her out and off bed for a small time. The place I got it from has one of those female pregnant tables that drop in the belly area (I don't know I am a guy?). I am thinking of putting the massage certificate in a card and making her breakfast, but don't want to stir her up. BP is still up and she is usually 100/65 or so bp, so this is freaking us out. She has been saying for two weeks she needs a massage, so I took it and ran with it.
Thank you to those with great ideas to entertain her. She is getting up long enough to garden for fifteen minutes this morning and get fresh air. A lawn chair is in place to assist. The kids go back to school soon. She is a teacher, so is getting plans for the long-term sub. Baby will be delivered early, we just don't know how early. She also works for a college as an adjunct and in student affairs part-time. They are holding her student affairs job as long as need be and she is teaching online this fall and that is keeping her busy. The crafts are going over great! The kids are doing dishes on a rotating schedule. She is getting up to clean bathrooms because she is kind of a bathroom freak and no one will probably do as well in there. The rest of us vacuum, mop, and dust and anything else we need to do. I guess the moral of the story is that we have come together as a family to do this and help mama out. Does anyone know if you can can from a living room couch? She has tons of garden goodies and we are moving a folding table and all supplies to the living room to help her get that done. She loves doing that, too, so thought it would be good. I am rambling and sorry, but my head has been spinning with the changes lately.
Since she is on bedrest, perhaps get a book she has been wanting? Rent a favorite movie for her? Bfast in bed - or just make bfast for her! Flowers to brighten the room.
Oh and a heartfelt note/card. Apologizing from the heart. You can never apologize enough. Acknowledge that you F*cked up royally and are so happy for the second chance she is giving you.
From experience - hospital bedrest is only 1000% worse than home bedrest.
I agree with Lucky2HaveMe on treading lightly on the anniversary. You may be 'all in', but trust on your wife's part isn't 'all in'. A sincere note would have gone much farther than some grand gesture in this betrayed spouse's world.
Are anniversaries forever ruined or is this something we work to reclaim?
Not forever ruined, but forever changed. It will take years before there is any sense of *normal* to an anniversary. And don't be surprised if it's a kind of *push me / pull you* dynamic. For years after there was this kind of feeling (from me which made it difficult for him to know what to do)
I am not going to celebrate our anniversary, but you damn well better not forget about it
Acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge and then apologize, apologize and apologize again (of course followed up with actions). That's why the absolute best you can do for an anniversary in the early years after A is the heartfelt card/letter.
Get out all the gear -- she can give you a list -- sterilize jars, lids, and bands as she directs. Set up the boiling water bath in a big pot, if that's how she's doing it. You could go to a hardware store, btw, and get a canning kettle (a giant pot, basically) with a rack in it, plus a jar lifter and a wide mouth funnel, if she doesn't have these things. They're really helpful to have.
The kids can help with the prep, but unless you have teens I wouldn't let them handle the hot jars or hot produce. That's for you. It would be a fun family project. She could make the labels. The hardware store may have nice ones btw.
Does she have canning recipes? A nice canning recipe book that focuses on small batches is Marisa Mclellan, Food in Jars. She has a blog. Actually, there are lots of great canning, preserving, gardening, cooking etc blogs. If she goes to foodinjars.com she can get links to lots of other ones.
Good luck! I've been following your posts, and am glad to see that you are working so hard to R.
[This message edited by StrongerOne at 10:06 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]