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A quote from a wise BS to help us all!

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theseseatsRtaken posted 8/2/2014 08:35 AM

BW dropped an absolute gem on me tonight and just wanted to share.

I was expressing my frustration with the fact that now that I come forward with thoughts and feelings and memories regarding the affair that i would previously have hidden or lied about (ie: im open and honest now), it sometimes drops BW into a triggered, sad and/or hurt state.

She said this:

"You have to realise that its not the truth that does this, its the lies".

Sounds like common sense i guess, but really got to me. I always find it so easy to get angry internally every time i come forward with a truth that i never would have before, and it turns a good day into a bad day in an instant. This very basic statement really helps me deal with that more effectively, and gives me greater confidence to keep doing it, even when its going to hurt.

Because the truth is the only thing offering me a way back into this marriage. The lies are the door I left through in the first place.

Neznayou posted 8/2/2014 10:52 AM

The most difficult lies for me to recognize are the ones I've told myself.

Skan posted 8/3/2014 14:48 PM

That's it, in a nutshell. It's the lies, that cause the wounds. Not telling the truth, but hiding the lies. And continuing to lie TO hide the lies.

Trying2LoveAgain posted 8/3/2014 15:19 PM

Good post! It's also the Omission of truth that can hurt. WS can't just tell "part" of the truth & think it's ok! I think most BS aquire a 6th sense that tells us "There's still more to this story".

DrJekyll posted 8/3/2014 16:17 PM

My BS tells me all the time. The actions are bad. But it is the lies and deceit that destroy the M

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