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theseseatsRtaken (original poster member #43088) posted at 2:35 PM on Saturday, August 2nd, 2014
BW dropped an absolute gem on me tonight and just wanted to share.
I was expressing my frustration with the fact that now that I come forward with thoughts and feelings and memories regarding the affair that i would previously have hidden or lied about (ie: im open and honest now), it sometimes drops BW into a triggered, sad and/or hurt state.
She said this:
"You have to realise that its not the truth that does this, its the lies".
Sounds like common sense i guess, but really got to me. I always find it so easy to get angry internally every time i come forward with a truth that i never would have before, and it turns a good day into a bad day in an instant. This very basic statement really helps me deal with that more effectively, and gives me greater confidence to keep doing it, even when its going to hurt.
Because the truth is the only thing offering me a way back into this marriage. The lies are the door I left through in the first place.
Me: WH 36
Her: BW 38 (RomanticInnocenc)
DS1: 7 DS2: 5 DS3: 4 DD: 2
DDay#1 08/Jan/14 DDay#2 10/Jan/14
PM's with men only pls.
Love is a choice. You dont fall into love. You step into it willingly - and you PRACTISE every day!
Neznayou ( member #40654) posted at 4:52 PM on Saturday, August 2nd, 2014
The most difficult lies for me to recognize are the ones I've told myself. 
Him: BH 1969
Me: WW 1973
Wedding: April 9, 1994
Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
I do not have it all together.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 8:48 PM on Sunday, August 3rd, 2014
That's it, in a nutshell. It's the lies, that cause the wounds. Not telling the truth, but hiding the lies. And continuing to lie TO hide the lies.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Trying2LoveAgain ( member #43024) posted at 9:19 PM on Sunday, August 3rd, 2014
Good post! It's also the Omission of truth that can hurt. WS can't just tell "part" of the truth & think it's ok! I think most BS aquire a 6th sense that tells us "There's still more to this story".
Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:2 D Grandchildren
"Life is a journey, travel with Care "...Me 🙈🙉🙊"Life is not a dress rehearsal, make the ONE you have count"....Me
DrJekyll ( member #43618) posted at 10:17 PM on Sunday, August 3rd, 2014
My BS tells me all the time. The actions are bad. But it is the lies and deceit that destroy the M
A wound can be stitched shut, but it decides when it will heal on its own.
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny. C.S.Lewis
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