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How do I survive this?

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Jls0320 posted 8/2/2014 13:00 PM

A little background, been separated 2.5wks now in same home, he's on couch, he needed some space and I found out Monday NC was broken and that he no longer wants to be with me. I have filed for D and he will find this out next week. In the meantime we are in same house, spending time together w kids, I cry and yell a lot, he has no plans of moving immediately. With him here I feel the anger turning into extreme sadness and I still love him (why??), I miss him and our family. I went out w friends last night, got far too drunk, and he was in bed. I asked him to leave, in my drunken state was crying, he thought holding me would help (nope), and then it later progressed to having sex. I can't keep doing this! When we have sex I feel passion and love, he does not. I feel used now, so confused, hurt. nothing makes you feel stranger than having your husband apologize for the night before :(. He was looking at my phone today and saw texts between me and a guy I've been friendly with and said he was glad I was getting some attention (that hurt that he wouldn't mind me being w someone else) I literally have no idea how I can make it through this, all I ever wanted was my family but he's just thrown me away after 15 yrs of my dedication and support. The pain I feel on a daily basis feels like it could kill me

StrongAndCapable posted 8/2/2014 13:18 PM

2.5 weeks out is still so fresh. It's normal to have so many different emotions and feelings. I'm barely four months out and I still have mixed emotions but am feeling much, much better with each passing day. My WH also wouldn't leave the house after he broke NC with OW. One day, when he was at work, I bagged up all of his stuff and put it in the driveway. I locked the doors (we have never locked the doors and I actually spent a long time trying to find the key) and texted him and told him he had until 1 pm to gather his belongings. He slept in his truck for a few days, then had to ask his parents for money so he can rent an apartment. Having him and his toxic energy out of the house was a small turning point for me. You should insist that he find his own accommodations while you are figuring things out. Hang in there!

StrongAndCapable posted 8/2/2014 13:18 PM

2.5 weeks out is still so fresh. It's normal to have so many different emotions and feelings. I'm barely four months out and I still have mixed emotions but am feeling much, much better with each passing day. My WH also wouldn't leave the house after he broke NC with OW. One day, when he was at work, I bagged up all of his stuff and put it in the driveway. I locked the doors (we have never locked the doors and I actually spent a long time trying to find the key) and texted him and told him he had until 1 pm to gather his belongings. He slept in his truck for a few days, then had to ask his parents for money so he can rent an apartment. Having him and his toxic energy out of the house was a small turning point for me. You should insist that he find his own accommodations while you are figuring things out. Hang in there!

betrayedpregnant posted 8/2/2014 13:44 PM

So sorry you are going through this. This is so new still. At 2.5 weeks, I was still in intense pain. I mean, I could only take short shallow breath, could not sleep for days. I know what kind of pain you're in. Of course you haven't unlearned your love yet. 15 years is a long time. It is like experiencing a death. I know it sucks to be abandoned when you feel you've been loving and you gave so much of yourself to him. Stay strong. hang on. You are experiencing the worst stage right now. It slowly gets a little easier.

Nature_Girl posted 8/2/2014 14:08 PM

You survive by practicing the 180 to the utmost of your ability. Have you read through the healing library on this website? There are excellent articles on how to cope with the intense agony of this phase. ((((HUGS)))

sodamnlost posted 8/3/2014 01:09 AM

In the meantime we are in same house, spending time together w kids, I cry and yell a lot, he has no plans of moving immediately. With him here I feel the anger turning into extreme sadness and I still love him (why??), I miss him and our family.

I am so sorry you are hurting. What an arse.

I was a different person just 2 weeks ago, before I kicked him out. He's only been gone 10 days and while I have bad moments, usually an hour or two at a time and at least once a day, overall I see just how much I don't want him after all.

Just two weeks ago I was spending many hours a day trying to help him get sober and save our family. Now I am realizing how many little things bugged the crap out of me (like him refusing to let towels be kept somewhere kids can't easily access to save how many times we washed towels. He wanted everyone to share the towel after they used it. towels are now stored in the bathroom.

It is *SO* hard to detach when living with them! even if divorce is filed. STBXWH refused to leave, despite breaking every boundary we have had since Dday. After another recent lie was discovered, I let him know at work that he wasn't coming home, ever again. What a difference. I am actually happy. I am LIVING finally.


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