In the meantime we are in same house, spending time together w kids, I cry and yell a lot, he has no plans of moving immediately. With him here I feel the anger turning into extreme sadness and I still love him (why??), I miss him and our family.
I am so sorry you are hurting. What an arse.
I was a different person just 2 weeks ago, before I kicked him out. He's only been gone 10 days and while I have bad moments, usually an hour or two at a time and at least once a day, overall I see just how much I don't want him after all.
Just two weeks ago I was spending many hours a day trying to help him get sober and save our family. Now I am realizing how many little things bugged the crap out of me (like him refusing to let towels be kept somewhere kids can't easily access to save how many times we washed towels. He wanted everyone to share the towel after they used it. towels are now stored in the bathroom.
It is *SO* hard to detach when living with them! even if divorce is filed. STBXWH refused to leave, despite breaking every boundary we have had since Dday. After another recent lie was discovered, I let him know at work that he wasn't coming home, ever again. What a difference. I am actually happy. I am LIVING finally.