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did anyone ever have it out with their adult children??

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soveryweary posted 8/2/2014 15:28 PM

Just curious.
I am really getting tired of being disrespected.
My boys treat me fine, it's my adult daughter who stayed at the house with cheaterasshole.
She has many health issues so I tend to tread lightly, but after today, I am ready to ream her ass.
Has anyone ever just told them like it is? What really happened to destroy the marriage?
She knows there was infidelity, but that's it.
Oh, I'm not going to say anything about the disgusting details, already feeling better writing it down.
Today she told me my cousins daughter who had an affair is now pregnant by the affair partner.
I blurted out that she's a whore.
My daughter became all pissy and said since they are separated now,she's not a whore and blah, blah, blah.
I told her that was my opinion and why is she so pissy about it.
This is just one of many other snotty things she says.
I couldn't wait until I dropped her off at her car and she left.
Rant over. :0)

[This message edited by soveryweary at 3:30 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]

deena posted 8/2/2014 16:50 PM

Sometimes the girls are closer to their father. They find it hard to believe it can be their fault. Depends on their age. If they are in their hormonal changing age it is worse, 13-18?
Sometimes if they are angry with the problems in the marriage they will take it out on the parent they feel most comfortable with to bitch to.
Not because they are madder at you. Just because it is easier to rant out at you.
They grow out of it if we hold back and let them rant. Then maybe a good talk when things cool down, in a comfortable happy situation. Like a supper out.

Hang in there. When girls get older they become our friends again.
I have 3 girls. 27, 25 and......yikes 17 (shiver)

GabyBaby posted 8/2/2014 16:55 PM

I had it out with my (then) 18yr old DD right before she left for college.
She was about 13/14yrs old when I kicked their dad out. She's always been Daddy's Little Girl.
I refused to let the kids live with him (and revolving door of women). She hated me for it. We bumped heads a LOT and she was often snippy and nasty.
We planned a family vacation and she basically ruined it. When we got back I sat her down and told her a lot of things (sans gory details). I had a couple of emails XWH had written (cleaner things) where he admitted to being repeatedly unfaithful. She already knew.
I then gave her a choice. She could choose to respect my home and the people in it or she could move out.
She chose to stay. We don't always agree, but things have been a LOT better. I think that chat, coupled with her going away for school (growing up some) have helped her get a broader view of life and people.

Hang in there, Sovery....

StillLivin posted 8/2/2014 18:14 PM

Yes with both boys right about the time they were turning 18. Not about the affair though. The oldest boy had a smart mouth. I basically told him to shut it before I shut it for him. He did. The youngest was more respectful but he was shown the door. At some point he will grow up some and then he can resume a relationship again with me when that happens. Sorry you are dealing with this.

gonnabe2016 posted 8/2/2014 19:34 PM

Disrespect for me is not tolerated in my house.

I have 3 boys, so no experience with dealing with girls and I'm sure that there is a difference. My oldest son and I locked horns a few times last summer because I acted like a *parent*, he didn't like that so much, and he knew that he could just spend his time at friend-dad's house.....and I let him.

Recently, I felt as if my kid was being a bit too *dismissive* of me when I was talking to him about an issue. I felt the need to remind him that, while I was his mom, I was also a *person*. So I told him that he needed to cut me some slack and stop being an ass about <this> issue. I told him that my past wasn't what I thought it was, my present was full of a bunch of chaos/drama (which I despise), and my future was completely up in the air and most likely going to be determined by a person who didn't even know me (a judge).

Your daughter sounds as if she needs an empathy lesson. This situation has given you a *perfect* opening to discuss YOUR values in regards to how relationships should operate and why messing around with a 'taken' person is wrong.....

Sad in AZ posted 8/2/2014 22:11 PM

Well, you have to admit you made a very inflammatory exclamation. You know that others don't always have the same opinion of infidelity as some of us do. She's an adult and she's entitled to her opinion, even if you don't agree with her. You can't force her to agree with you, and you shouldn't try to get between her and her father.

Having said that, setting the record straight with an adult or near adult child is reasonable. I had to do it with DS. His father told him that he and the OW were 'just friends' and that I didn't want him to have friends. I calmly explained the thousands of dollars that his father had spent on viagra It wasn't a conversation I ever wanted to have with my son, but it needed to be said. I don't get involved in his relationship with his father, though.

soveryweary posted 8/2/2014 22:21 PM

Thank you ladies for the responses.
The great think about this forum is the support and understanding given.
Also the great advice. :0)

sparkysable posted 8/3/2014 07:33 AM

Anyone wanna bet she is/was a WS/AP herself? Those seem to be the ones that are the most defensive.

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