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Newest Member: BrokeninSept17 (61547)

User Topic: did anyone ever have it out with their adult children??
♀ 32265
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just curious.
I am really getting tired of being disrespected.
My boys treat me fine, it's my adult daughter who stayed at the house with cheaterasshole.
She has many health issues so I tend to tread lightly, but after today, I am ready to ream her ass.
Has anyone ever just told them like it is? What really happened to destroy the marriage?
She knows there was infidelity, but that's it.
Oh, I'm not going to say anything about the disgusting details, already feeling better writing it down.
Today she told me my cousins daughter who had an affair is now pregnant by the affair partner.
I blurted out that she's a whore.
My daughter became all pissy and said since they are separated now,she's not a whore and blah, blah, blah.
I told her that was my opinion and why is she so pissy about it.
This is just one of many other snotty things she says.
I couldn't wait until I dropped her off at her car and she left.
Rant over. :0)

[This message edited by soveryweary at 3:30 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]

Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.

Posts: 645 | Registered: May 2011
♀ 27275
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes the girls are closer to their father. They find it hard to believe it can be their fault. Depends on their age. If they are in their hormonal changing age it is worse, 13-18?
Sometimes if they are angry with the problems in the marriage they will take it out on the parent they feel most comfortable with to bitch to.
Not because they are madder at you. Just because it is easier to rant out at you.
They grow out of it if we hold back and let them rant. Then maybe a good talk when things cool down, in a comfortable happy situation. Like a supper out.

Hang in there. When girls get older they become our friends again.
I have 3 girls. 27, 25 and......yikes 17 (shiver)

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.

Posts: 3268 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
♀ 26928
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had it out with my (then) 18yr old DD right before she left for college.
She was about 13/14yrs old when I kicked their dad out. She's always been Daddy's Little Girl.
I refused to let the kids live with him (and revolving door of women). She hated me for it. We bumped heads a LOT and she was often snippy and nasty.
We planned a family vacation and she basically ruined it. When we got back I sat her down and told her a lot of things (sans gory details). I had a couple of emails XWH had written (cleaner things) where he admitted to being repeatedly unfaithful. She already knew.
I then gave her a choice. She could choose to respect my home and the people in it or she could move out.
She chose to stay. We don't always agree, but things have been a LOT better. I think that chat, coupled with her going away for school (growing up some) have helped her get a broader view of life and people.

Hang in there, Sovery....

Me - 45
DD(24), DS(21, PDD-NOS)

WH#2 (SorryinSac)- Killed himself (May 2015) in our home 6 days after being served divorce docs.
XWH #1 - legally married 18yrs. 12+ OW (that I know of).

I edit often for clarity/typos.

Posts: 9966 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here and There
♀ 40229
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes with both boys right about the time they were turning 18. Not about the affair though. The oldest boy had a smart mouth. I basically told him to shut it before I shut it for him. He did. The youngest was more respectful but he was shown the door. At some point he will grow up some and then he can resume a relationship again with me when that happens. Sorry you are dealing with this.

"Bitch please a good man can't be stolen." ROFLMAO - SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 4390 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Disrespect for me is not tolerated in my house.

I have 3 boys, so no experience with dealing with girls and I'm sure that there is a difference. My oldest son and I locked horns a few times last summer because I acted like a *parent*, he didn't like that so much, and he knew that he could just spend his time at friend-dad's house.....and I let him.

Recently, I felt as if my kid was being a bit too *dismissive* of me when I was talking to him about an issue. I felt the need to remind him that, while I was his mom, I was also a *person*. So I told him that he needed to cut me some slack and stop being an ass about <this> issue. I told him that my past wasn't what I thought it was, my present was full of a bunch of chaos/drama (which I despise), and my future was completely up in the air and most likely going to be determined by a person who didn't even know me (a judge).

Your daughter sounds as if she needs an empathy lesson. This situation has given you a *perfect* opening to discuss YOUR values in regards to how relationships should operate and why messing around with a 'taken' person is wrong.....

"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, you have to admit you made a very inflammatory exclamation. You know that others don't always have the same opinion of infidelity as some of us do. She's an adult and she's entitled to her opinion, even if you don't agree with her. You can't force her to agree with you, and you shouldn't try to get between her and her father.

Having said that, setting the record straight with an adult or near adult child is reasonable. I had to do it with DS. His father told him that he and the OW were 'just friends' and that I didn't want him to have friends. I calmly explained the thousands of dollars that his father had spent on viagra It wasn't a conversation I ever wanted to have with my son, but it needed to be said. I don't get involved in his relationship with his father, though.

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 32265
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ladies for the responses.
The great think about this forum is the support and understanding given.
Also the great advice. :0)

Divorced 1/3/14 after 31 years of marriage.

Posts: 645 | Registered: May 2011
♀ 3703
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone wanna bet she is/was a WS/AP herself? Those seem to be the ones that are the most defensive.

BW - 40
DD - 7 years old
D-day OW#1 2/2004;D-day OW#2 5/2010
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 5455 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 8

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