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Newest Member: Turtlemode (46041)

User Topic: Pay back theft??
pizzalover
♀ 38336
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I have posted before, I stole a lot in my life, only from two businesses (the rest of my stealing behaviors are listed on page one of this thread http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=535836&HL=38336) I stole money from a large amusement park and items from a mom-and-pop pharmacy that I worked at. From the amusement park I may have stole around $500 - possibly more. From the pharmacy I stole a bunch of items - maybe $100 worth. Both of these things occurred almost 15 years ago.

My BH suggested to me today that I send a check to both places returning the approximate amount of money that I took and let the companies decide what to do. I am not sure what to do. I suggested to BH that I save the money and donate it to a cause like the animal shelter that I volunteer with or see if there is a scholarship fund for the amusement park employees. He said that the businesses should decide what to do with the money and donating to the animal shelter will serve my interests not the amusement park or pharmacy. I looked on-line and the pharmacy is no longer in business. The amusement park is a multi-million dollar business.

He said that this would be a way of correcting some of my wrongs since I can't correct the wrongs that I did to him. I do feel bad about what I did, but at the time I probably justified to myself that it was okay what I was doing. Any thoughts?

ETA: I just talked to BH after posting this. I've decided since the pharmacy is closed, I will donate that amount of money to the animal shelter. I contacted the amusement park. There is a scholarship program that is funded by the corporate office. There is also a local scholarship program as well - I gave the director of HR my info and she is going to get me info on how to donate. I didn't tell her on the phone about the theft, but I feel that this will be a positive thing so that the kids that work there can be helped.

[This message edited by pizzalover at 4:11 PM, August 2nd (Saturday)]


Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09


Posts: 530 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
redsox13
♂ 43391
Member # 43391
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a lawyer I advise you to not discuss the reason with the Park. Paying back the money is important.
The Statute of Limitations has long since run on these, but I would avoid anything that might create a record of your theft.

FWIW


BS - 45
WW - 43
In R for 5 years, still hurting but finally letting go

Posts: 329 | Registered: May 2014 | From: nh
20WrongsVs1
♀ 39000
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 2nd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing this, even anonymously it's gotta be a bit mortifying to admit. I stole things here and there, from the time I was maybe 7-8 years old. Got a thrill from getting away with it, which I almost always did.

I wonder, for how many WS was stealing a "gateway drug" to infidelity? Surely we're not the only two.

He said that the businesses should decide what to do with the money and donating to the animal shelter will serve my interests not the amusement park or pharmacy.

Ultimately making amends is mostly about serving your interests, isn't it? Businesses expect and budget for shrinkage, from employees and patrons, because stealing is a normal human behavior. You sending $500 (what about 15 years' interest?) isn't going to erase your transgressions or change anyone's life, except yours.

How do you feel about it? I mean the stealing behvaior, and/or the restitution? Had you ever considered restitution before BH suggested it?


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
DrJekyll
♂ 43618
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I stole too. In my youth. You are in good company. I even stole a car twice, but it was more like joyriding.


I am no longer Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. I am me, and they are both part of me.

"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

I do not PM with Women


Posts: 894 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Midwest
pizzalover
♀ 38336
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ultimately making amends is mostly about serving your interests, isn't it?

20wrongsVs1
I guess it is about serving my interests. To make me feel better about what I have done.
How do you feel about it? I mean the stealing behvaior, and/or the restitution? Had you ever considered restitution before BH suggested it?

I feel very ashamed about what I have done. I could have been caught and have gone to jail. As for the restituition, I feel like donating to the charities is a positive use of the money. I am concerned about what redsox13 said about making sure that there is nothing to create a record of my theft. This could harm my teaching job. I wouldn't even know how to return the money to the park without their being a trace of me,and then I wonder where the money would go. I would rather give the $500 to the kids that work there in a scholarship so that someone needy benefits. As for the pharmacy, it has been closed, so I will donate to the animal shelter. BH has agreed about both of these things. I had actually never thought of restitution before. I don't know why. I was probably too ashamed to even admit what I had done. Until D-day and posting on here, I never realized the extent of how much I had stolen from people. (See my the link to my previous post). I know that I am not engaging in any of these behaviors anymore.

[This message edited by pizzalover at 5:35 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]


Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09


Posts: 530 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ 43024
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You said you feel very ashamed at what you did, but the next sentence you said "I could have been caught. I could have gone to jail". Which was worse?...being ashamed? Or the fact that you could have been caught & gone to jail?? I honestly think you mean well, but then again, your BH DID have to suggest paying it back right?


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 399 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
pizzalover
♀ 38336
Member # 38336
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying2LoveAgain
You said you feel very ashamed at what you did, but the next sentence you said "I could have been caught. I could have gone to jail". Which was worse?...being ashamed? Or the fact that you could have been caught & gone to jail?? I honestly think you mean well, but then again, your BH DID have to suggest paying it back right?

I am both ashamed and aware of the consequences that I could have had from stealing. I am not quite sure what you're asking me.


Trying to rebuild each day

Me - WW 39
Him - BH 40 (mpb1974)
2 Furrbabies - sweet cats

Met - 8/13/99
Started dating - 9/11/99
Moved in together - 3/03
Engaged - 6/5/09
Married - 8/21/10
D-Day - 1/24/13
Affair started 5/09


Posts: 530 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 7

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