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Damn if I didn't see a friend of WH's in the grocery today that I hadn't seen in a really long time. He shouted a greeting and came over and hugged me and I started bawling.

Right there in the middle of the store.

Friend had no clue we were getting divorced or any of the other shit that has gone on.

There is a yearly event coming up that I normally would have seen him and some other friends at that I'm not going to get to be a part of this year. (We hosted it at our house, but it was WH's deal...)

I just hate that I had so I little control over my emotions. I can't fall to pieces every time I see someone that used to be part of our life that is now only part of WH's life.

Then I started missing my inlaws, and my SIL texted me today for something minute....

...just a hard day today, I guess...

(((Nekorb)))

Our ddays are basically the same. It is still hard a year out. Don't beat yourself up over it. Feel the emotion you need to feel when you feel it. There are no shoulds and coulds in this thing.

Hang in there.

I sat on the pavement tonight crying, on the street. So....you aren't alone!

((((Nekorb))))

Dude, you mean public crying isn't an Olympic sport yet. I did it all over the city in my first year after DDay.

Nowadays, I look down on people who DON'T cry in public. What'n hell is wrong with them anyhow? They just can't be trusted.

And I just stopped crying after an hour of it. And I'm 2.8 years out. Couldn't stop, so I just let it go.

All I can say is you are not alone and this shit is painful.

((((nekorb)))

((nekorb))

A few weeks ago - a few yards from my house so my kids wouldn't see, sitting under a tree sobbing. And I am way far out! But that was a rare moment. It gets better...I hadn't felt that bad in a long time.

((Nekorb))

I still get triggered and teary when I see people from "our" old life, too. I think it's a natural part of the grieving and healing process.

Man, triggers are sometimes so random and brutal.

They're out of our control, but it sure does suck when we fall apart in front of another person like that.

Perhaps it was his expression of care that set you off. After the horrific treatment from your wh, the unexpected kindness of another human, connected to both you and wh, touched a deep part of you that needs love and compassion.

(((Nekorb)))

(((((Hugs)))))

WH has many friends that I truly liked. I am trying to avoid going to places that I know that I may possibly run into any one of them. Even simply driving down a street one day, someone saw me, tooted their horn, waved and pulled over. I couldn't not stop and pull over myself...I'm not that rude. So, I try to avoid that too now.

I think that's why I'm still so sad, losing all of his friends/family too.

Such a difficult time and unfortunate that many of us have this in common.

Raising hand here....yeah I've cried everywhere and in front of everyone. I had a rather gut wrenching trigger yesterday that took my breath away. It's normal, and it's ok. Why wouldn't we lose it from time to time? We suffered a huge trauma and a devastating loss. Hugs, and I hope today is better.

Oh yes, I won't forget soon the people who stared at me as I went along life's errands and chores with tears streaming down my face and a wet shirt at times. Or car-crying and the people who stared at me at lights and stop signs.

It is what it is, Nekorb...and it goes away. FWIW, I've done the entire "journey" without pills and without vices like cigaretts or alcohol and though the sadness is still there, the tears are gone...I've no more left.

And with myself I made a pact one day...I will not shed one more tear for the human race, even if it makes me seem cold hearted.

One thing that helped me with re to IL's is to decide what part in my life they will be. At times I miss them, but they're not always the kindest people...so I shut them off for a while and isolated myself. It helps but takes more adjustment in our thinking and a stubborn will to do.

I had to almost shake myself one day to begin to rid myself of thoughts of the past but now my brain is stronger when I'm not tired and I can shut it on and off.

I had one of those episodes too, of seeing a friend who is the exH of a neice. He actually picked me up off the floor like I weigh nothing and just hugged me for a little while, no words, for he had been through it too.

Emotions can be controlled without pills or vices, but we have to reach really far within ourselves. It is self preservation and it will come. Each of these cycles is like a step. I don't think it happens all at once. You'll just notice, as a friend told me, that you cried less and less each day or a thought that once bugged you doesn't so much.

You know what? I will share these words from a British priest who is also a friend.

He said this to me about crying: "It is not bad to cry, it is release."

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 12:02 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]

So sorry (nekorb). I still cry at the drop of a hat too. I understand where you are coming from. It's painful. It sucks running into our x. Especially if they're with the OP.

Oh I understand this all too well. It only takes something small to get me in tears. A song, something he left here when he moved out. Shoot I can't even go down to the basement (his mans cave) without tearing up. So many memories...

Take the time to grieve. You will feel much better and it is healthy to get it all out.

We are here for you.

((hugs))

I had two days in a row without tears, but they came back with some new discoveries and dealings. I don't think we would be human and caring people we are without feeling the pain and crying because of it.

I can't wait to see old WH friends - tell them my side of the story - wasn't given a chance - he checked out before I even knew it - I hate that they must think our marriage has been terrible for years but it wasn't.

Tomorrow you will be moving forward again because you have crossed another milestone -

(((Nekorb)))

Barely a day I don't cry randomly, and in public. Most times I am able to hold it back, like when in line at a store, and I see a little girl with her daddy, or a couple buying baby clothes.

I feel for you. I am fortunate that I now live a few cities away, and don't run into people. My heart goes out to you. That has to be tough.

Don't get on yourself for breaking down and crying, especially when reminded about everything you lost.

(((((Nekorb)))))))

I am amazed I haven't gotten into a car accident because I wouldd just start crying. Have had to pull over a few times.

I am 4 1/2 years from d-day.

But I can say it is less often with the crying episodes. I feel hardened now a bit

You mean to say I am not alone I this? With the kids out for summer I don't get a lot of down time. So every now and then the bad stuff leaks out of my eyes when I am alone, regardless of whether or not I'm in public.