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Letter to unwitting OW

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norabird posted 8/2/2014 23:20 PM

Feeling triggered and I know it's not about her (she didn't even know about me and already suffered from how she was used by my exWBF) but I had to get this out.

I'm sorry that you fell for whatever lines you were fed. I'm sorry you didn't have the self respect to demand more than whatever he was giving you. I'm sorry you put up something so personal as 'journalism' that only made you vulnerable to a totally sick predator like exWBF and sorry that you thought it was a real story at all, not just a way for you to get unhealthy attention. I guess I'm blaming you for having your own sexuality, though, which is ironically just how he feels about all women--or at least about me. I wonder what awful fucked up shit he said and did to you? I wish we could commiserate over i--that we could connect and speak. I feel like it would give me an understanding of who he really is, of the measure of his fucked up ness. Maybe it would help me let go of internalizing how he saw me as a 'slut' too, if I knew he acted that way to you I suspect he must have. I know it wouldn't be fair of me to project my desire for hashing this out onto you, though. So I'll try to give you the respect he never gave either of us. I feel sure we have a lot in common and might be friends if we met in other circumstances or if we met to compare notes--but for now I'll just hope that one day seeing your name doesn't send my heart racing. And I hope too that we never deal with toxicity like he had ever again in our lives.


nekorb posted 8/2/2014 23:39 PM


Was this before or after the sidewalk?

I would love to warn OW off of WH. On one hand he is taking advantage of her. On the other hand, she knows exactly what she is doing.

I think it's that core "woman" part of us that wants to warn other women about our messed up ex-waywards,even if the OW is already fucking him...

norabird posted 8/2/2014 23:42 PM

After, of course! Had to collect myself

It's nice not being alone in it, I must say. As Pass says, this should be some sort of litmus test....

nekorb posted 8/3/2014 06:28 AM

I should have known it was after. The profanity was minimal.

It does help so much to know we aren't alone. That others have gone before us and survived and thrived.

We will thrive someday, norabird.

Ashland13 posted 8/3/2014 18:29 PM

You'll all be ok, even though it doesn't seem like it now.

Believe it or not, a time will come in your lives when this chapter will seem far off. The pain will likely remain but be dim and fleeting.

Triggers will remain but be very light and you may find your selves surprised at how quickly the pain they bring is gone and you are moving on in your heads.

Someday too, the other person won't feel so major-I don't want to say important-but they won't be a big deal either.

It really helped me to stop paying any attention to Perv-X-and get on with my own life in my head.

ETA a counselor told me that a turning point in healing was when I realized that the "Monkey in the Middle"-the WS-was at fault and OW also a victim, she said it was a really big deal and you are doing that here. That is no small feat. Yay!

This is my wish for all of you, as my abandoned father wished for me before it started happening, as he held my hand when we drove off on the last day I owned my house.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:31 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]

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