Your IC is smart. "Not wanting to be divorced" is your grief over your hopes and dreams. That's what hurts so bad.
We say it hear quite often. It's not HIM that you miss, it's the hopes and dreams for your life that you miss..
I don't miss my ex AT ALL. But damn, I grieve so bad and cry so hard that my life wasn't what I thought it was gonna be. I was gonna be married forever like my parents.
Realizing I was dealt a different hand has taken a long time to accept. But this hand, well, it's a hell of a lot better than whatever fucking game I was playing with that manipulative asshole..