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Dealing with WH's family on Facebook in the future

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kra127 posted 8/3/2014 21:26 PM

Not sure why I'm even thinking about this as it's such a stupid, minor issue, however I'm "friends" with many of WH's family members on Facebook. I dont post often and mostly use it to stay connected with my family and friends. Since WH and I are divorcing, I'm not sure if I should keep his relatives as "friends" on FB or what. Like I said, I don't post on there often as I'm a pretty private person IRL but it will be apparent we're divorcing when I change my last name and all of WH's pictures are deleted. How have others handled this?

[This message edited by kra127 at 9:27 PM, August 3rd (Sunday)]

hurtbs posted 8/3/2014 21:37 PM

I unfriended them all. Family's form their allegiances after the divorce begins. I think that is the best option.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 4:51 PM, August 4th (Monday)]

KeepOnMovin posted 8/3/2014 21:56 PM

They unfriended me and my SIL blocked me. I'm good with it though.

solus sto posted 8/3/2014 21:58 PM

I unfriended and blocked all inlaws. They have been awful to me and the kids. Surprise, surprise.

I find it quite hurtful that some of my family remains friends with Trac-Fone. In their defense, he was around for all of my nieces' and nephews' entire lives, and they don't all know what happened. They don't know he's a PD fraud, either. (One sister is an ostrich; her kids don't know their own father cheated either). Still, it stings. He doesn't care about them but still gets their ego kibbles. Blah.

Thankfully I can't see any of it. I just get the occasional nauseating report.

kg201 posted 8/3/2014 22:06 PM

I have remained FB friends with my X's half brother and my niece and nephew who are in their late teens. I don't really have contact with them other than through FB, but I still feel like an uncle to them. They haven't given me a reason to dislike them, so I haven't had a need to unfriend them.

I will not talk to my X's mother and father, but I was never friends with them on FB anyway.

homewrecked2011 posted 8/3/2014 23:01 PM

Well... I remained friends with them.

Every time you post on facebook, you have a little box that says friends... you can click it and custom who sees that post.

It's really helped me clarify some issues -- ie they get to read my side of somethings that I know my XWH is lying about. I make it kinda bland, for instance, I posted how nice it was to have 2 very flexible jobs. That I go to work at 6 am, get to come home at lunch and hang out with my teen sons til 4 then go to the other job til 8. Reason? XWH told his family I work all the time and I'm never home and he needed to try to get custody. His parents have $$$$ and I wanted them to at least have the idea their son might be them....

If you want to post something you don't want them to see, you can custom that post, too.

I'm glad I kept it this way. I'll probably unfriend them later, when the kids are grown and I don't have to worry about XWH getting custody.

kra127 posted 8/4/2014 16:44 PM

Thanks for the input everyone. Homewrecked2011, I may do something similar to you.

steppingup posted 8/4/2014 16:54 PM

Not trying to push an agenda, but I would dump FB. It is one of the most insincere means of communicating IMHO. Save yourself the concern, post a "bye bye" message and go on to other means of communciating with those YOU love! Respecfully.

Gemini71 posted 8/4/2014 18:02 PM

I'm still friends with the ILs on Facebook. They have been cordial to me, so I'm cordial to them. It's an easy way to keep them posted on the kids' lives without involving Dipshit.

It's basically what I use FB for anyway, keeping in touch with long distance friends and relatives. I look at it as the public face of my family, a year-round Christmas letter.

However, if the ILs ever turn on me, they're gone. Blocked, not just unfriended.

Numb2014 posted 8/4/2014 18:08 PM

I put them in a "group" and changed my settings to where every time I post something, it only posts to friends except "family 2". So they never see my posts, but I don't delete them. I am friendly with all of them still, but to limit the potential "spying", I did this. I just wasn't ready to unfriend...i love them and just wasn't ready.

Acer0112 posted 8/4/2014 19:42 PM

I'm expecting a few of WH's family will defriend me.

I defriended one of 'our' friends that has known about the A as long as it probably started - I just can't deal with him accepting OW and on trips with 'them' - I wish he slapped WH up side the head and told him to call me - not to sneak around for 4 months lying and fing someone else.

Ahhh, FB, I don't post much on it, but it's great for reunions and to see how distant family is doing. I have already changed my name - no one said anything - strange, or not. I just think it makes me more sad to see all the happy families and anniversaries so I try to avoid it these days.

idontknowwhy5 posted 8/4/2014 21:09 PM

I just put them all in the restricted list. They're technically still in the friends list but can only see public posts, which they'd be able to see if they were de-friended anyway. However have tons of mutual friends, so they could see anything via a 'mutual' friend if they asked.

I think the best policy is to *never* post anything to any social media site that you don't want the world to see. Anybody can share what they can see.

shatteredheart12 posted 8/4/2014 22:47 PM

When I discover that a family member or friend has added the OW on FB, they get deleted and blocked from mine.

I have also blocked OW and her children, and have my settings to friends. I check it off just to be sure FB hasn't changed anything.

As of today, one of WH's brothers and his wife, WH's cousin's wife, another of WH's cousins, and 2 friends have added her, another person I know but didnt have as a friend added her too so I wont be adding him

WH's other sister in law said that OW had sent her a friend request, I made it clear that if she adds her, she will be deleted from mine, and then after mentioning it to ds, and having him tell her exactly how he feels, she messaged him back and said that he and dd mean more to her than OW does, so that's good that she cares about us, obviously more that those other people do

We live in a very small town so EVERYONE knew WH cheated on me to be with this woman, but didnt have enough respect for me or our kids to reject the friend request from her, or not send her one

Idiots, so glad Im done with them!!

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