Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: ashm7 (60758)

User Topic: Friends in the damnedest places (here)
♂ 44242
Member # 44242
Stop  Posted: 9:43 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Posted with the stop sign on accidentally - how to remove it?)

Good evening again.

I thought about posting this earlier today, with one intent, but now I think it better to ask opinions regarding it.

I don't have a lot of friends. I honestly haven't wanted a large amount of friends for a while, and of course as of late, really haven't felt deserving of such, despite even what my B.S. says. It's how I feel. I most definitely don't want throngs of people all around me; and when I think about it, the more-realistic one-to-two really good, trusted friends that would be more attainable doesn't even entirely appeal to me. I feel guilt and shame and just like not being around anyone at all but my GF. I have stated a lot the past few weeks that I feel I could be fine just seeing and interacting with her and having no contact with anyone, even though I know that sounds unrealistic, and probably is. Now, that's another story, but I guess, realistically, I am seeking friends here. Here, in this community. Preferably males; this way no worries are to be had. BS's or WS, no matter. I know we won't really have much in common other than this terrible act we've either committed or been a victim of, but right now, quite frankly, this place, THIS PLACE, is the only social network I want to be active in, and the only people I would really want to talk to, aside from my B.S., and all I hear is that I need to talk/vent/find grounding and deeper understanding SOMEWHERE safe. I don't even want to see/talk/be in the presence of anyone else than SparrowSoul, and I know that's not healthy, but that's how I feel, so here I am. Be it known I don't want coddling or asspats; I know I'm in for all kinds of tough truths and such, I really do understand that. I guess, I just feel this is perhaps the safest place I would want to go to have some kind of interaction with other people, and talk about whatever, this OR that. I'm not seeking an escape from what I'm going through, or this message would not have been posted here, in THIS forum. I just really don't have anyone else to talk to, and I am sure it's my own negative feelings about myself and what I've done doing the talking here, but I really don't even want to seek anyone else out to talk to; not in person, not online, not anywhere... but it's been remarked that basic social contact with others is much more healthy, so...

I really do hope to hear from you.

[This message edited by RMarred at 4:26 PM, August 12th (Tuesday)]

Her: BGF (SparrowSoul)
D-Day: 7/5/14

I was up above it. Now I'm down in it.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
Deeply Scared
♀ 2
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


We're going to leave the stop sign on at this point. WS's are more than welcome to post and share with you.

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.

Posts: 210060 | Registered: May 2002
♀ 40654
Member # 40654
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the things I have learned about myself is that I am far more social than I thought. After DDay, I believed I could get along just fine with no one in my life except BH. Although he is my first choice of companion, I really do thrive in a bigger social circle. Done with awareness of the balance and meeting his needs, the two levels of social life can co-exist. I'm not saying this is true for you, but something to consider.

Him: BH 1969
Me: WW 1973

Wedding: April 9, 1994

Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)

Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012

I do not have it all together.

Posts: 862 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Far, far away
♂ 43618
Member # 43618
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know for myself, that I will need/should make friends. One of the issues I face is, I have chosen "bad friends" not "friends of the marriage" for so long that I do not know how to choose "Good friends" so I am in a quandary. Ever person I know, I would not consider forming a friendship with. I can understand what you are feeling. My BS and our DC are the only ones I really want to have contact with. One day that may change, but for me today is not that day.

A wound can be stitched shut, but it decides when it will heal on its own.

ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)

I do not PM with Women

Posts: 1183 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Midwest
♂ 42047
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I felt the same way after DDay. It was hard to even leave the house. I have always been a social person, and even now, I would rather not interact with most of the rest of the world. I feel pretty naked most of the time -- I have opened up my eyes to everything that I am and how I interact with everything around me. It's a really shaky place to try to interact with anyone.

It is hard to talk to people when you are beating yourself up all the time.That's why this forum can be comfortable. We have all been exactly where you are. It is easier to open up, I guess.

Hang in there.

Me: WH (40s)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 911 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
♂ 44242
Member # 44242
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your responses. I hope you feel inclined to continue. I'm feeling a little better just knowing this is recurring, and that how I felt wasn't unusual. It seemed so irrational to want to coop myself inside indefinitely, especially because a big part of me believes in 'do something with the day, don't do nothing' , but even this very morning was hard to get out of bed. Some days are like that, I suppose.

I can't thank you enough for responding. Not just to say that what I'm feeling is standard... but for talking to me. Thank you.

Her: BGF (SparrowSoul)
D-Day: 7/5/14

I was up above it. Now I'm down in it.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
♀ 44085
Member # 44085
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not a man, but I wanted to let you know that I hear what you're saying, and I feel the same way about nobody being safe and not feeling worthy of friends. I think it will probably just take time to feel less like we are in a prison of our own design. Some people have mentioned in other threads that infidelity should be prosecutable. I honestly feel like if, after d-day, you DONT feel like putting yourself on house-arrest, you aren't truly remorseful and cognizant of how much about you needs to change. Now that I am starting a new job, I feel like I'm taking the first step being the new version of me. Maybe I will find a female around my age who I think could be a FOM. Maybe not. I need to be open, but not overly eager to find just anybody. Have you tried the "I can relate" forums to find male-only threads?

D-Months April-June 2014
Me: WW, 29
Him: 29, Findingstrength2
I don't PM with men.

Posts: 207 | Registered: Jul 2014
♂ 44242
Member # 44242
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you tried the "I can relate" forums to find male-only threads?

I haven't, but I shall. Thanks for the heads-up, for the words about "house arrest", and for the response.

Her: BGF (SparrowSoul)
D-Day: 7/5/14

I was up above it. Now I'm down in it.

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2017 All Rights Reserved.