Good evening again.
I thought about posting this earlier today, with one intent, but now I think it better to ask opinions regarding it.
I don't have a lot of friends. I honestly haven't wanted a large amount of friends for a while, and of course as of late, really haven't felt deserving of such, despite even what my B.S. says. It's how I feel. I most definitely don't want throngs of people all around me; and when I think about it, the more-realistic one-to-two really good, trusted friends that would be more attainable doesn't even entirely appeal to me. I feel guilt and shame and just like not being around anyone at all but my GF. I have stated a lot the past few weeks that I feel I could be fine just seeing and interacting with her and having no contact with anyone, even though I know that sounds unrealistic, and probably is. Now, that's another story, but I guess, realistically, I am seeking friends here. Here, in this community. Preferably males; this way no worries are to be had. BS's or WS, no matter. I know we won't really have much in common other than this terrible act we've either committed or been a victim of, but right now, quite frankly, this place, THIS PLACE, is the only social network I want to be active in, and the only people I would really want to talk to, aside from my B.S., and all I hear is that I need to talk/vent/find grounding and deeper understanding SOMEWHERE safe. I don't even want to see/talk/be in the presence of anyone else than SparrowSoul, and I know that's not healthy, but that's how I feel, so here I am. Be it known I don't want coddling or asspats; I know I'm in for all kinds of tough truths and such, I really do understand that. I guess, I just feel this is perhaps the safest place I would want to go to have some kind of interaction with other people, and talk about whatever, this OR that. I'm not seeking an escape from what I'm going through, or this message would not have been posted here, in THIS forum. I just really don't have anyone else to talk to, and I am sure it's my own negative feelings about myself and what I've done doing the talking here, but I really don't even want to seek anyone else out to talk to; not in person, not online, not anywhere... but it's been remarked that basic social contact with others is much more healthy, so...
I really do hope to hear from you.
[This message edited by RMarred at 4:26 PM, August 12th (Tuesday)]
I was up above it. Now I'm down in it.
We're going to leave the stop sign on at this point. WS's are more than welcome to post and share with you.
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
Wedding: April 9, 1994
Son: 1998 (college freshman)
Son: 2002 (high school freshman)
Caught at AP's house: 10 Aug 2012
I do not have it all together.
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
It is hard to talk to people when you are beating yourself up all the time.That's why this forum can be comfortable. We have all been exactly where you are. It is easier to open up, I guess.
Hang in there.
I can't thank you enough for responding. Not just to say that what I'm feeling is standard... but for talking to me. Thank you.
Have you tried the "I can relate" forums to find male-only threads?
I haven't, but I shall. Thanks for the heads-up, for the words about "house arrest", and for the response.