I think I'm confused on what I "should" be doing. I spent two years focused so much on fixing him/us, it feels weird to just be LIVING. Is that fixing me? Sounds stupid I know but I don't know if what I am doing is healing me? Here is what has been starting to change.
I am fixing my relationship with God. It took a beating but he's a big guy so he can take it. He even welcomed me back.
I am working on getting to re-know my kids. His addiction and my co-dependence took so much focus off my kids it's hard to admit. We have been doing things together a LOT lately and talking. They're even help me around the house now before I even ask.
I am learning to manage money on my own. At 43, it's not something I have EVER done. It's easier than I thought but still sucks for me.
I am feeling pretty hopeful a job will pan out next week. It's a good job and I need it!!
I am trying to find a new normal for our house. STBXWH was an ass in every area but he did more than his fair share around the house. This area is where I miss. My helpmate the most. That. And sex. Damn I miss sex.
I am weaning off all my psych meds.
I feel like I should be doing something different. I question if I am putting my failed marriage in a box. Am I dealing with it? I hurt, not often actually but pretty deep still when I do. I can actually go hours without thinking about "it". I took my kids to the beach with my BFF and not once did a woman in a bikini make me cringe. STBSAWH wasn't there so it didn't matter. Damn that's liberating to feel free around other women, not paranoid and "less than".