Me - BS original Dday 10-2012, separated June 2014, divorce 12-19-16
I think I'm confused on what I "should" be doing. I spent two years focused so much on fixing him/us, it feels weird to just be LIVING. Is that fixing me? Sounds stupid I know but I don't know if what I am doing is healing me? Here is what has been starting to change.
I am fixing my relationship with God. It took a beating but he's a big guy so he can take it. He even welcomed me back.
I am working on getting to re-know my kids. His addiction and my co-dependence took so much focus off my kids it's hard to admit. We have been doing things together a LOT lately and talking. They're even help me around the house now before I even ask.
I am learning to manage money on my own. At 43, it's not something I have EVER done. It's easier than I thought but still sucks for me.
I am feeling pretty hopeful a job will pan out next week. It's a good job and I need it!!
I am trying to find a new normal for our house. STBXWH was an ass in every area but he did more than his fair share around the house. This area is where I miss. My helpmate the most. That. And sex. Damn I miss sex.
I am weaning off all my psych meds.
I feel like I should be doing something different. I question if I am putting my failed marriage in a box. Am I dealing with it? I hurt, not often actually but pretty deep still when I do. I can actually go hours without thinking about "it". I took my kids to the beach with my BFF and not once did a woman in a bikini make me cringe. STBSAWH wasn't there so it didn't matter. Damn that's liberating to feel free around other women, not paranoid and "less than".
Grief, loss and pain taunt her - "you will never be the same." Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, she rises and spreads her new wings as she brushes off the ashes an