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Can we talk about how pissed off I am?

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nekorb posted 8/4/2014 02:01 AM


Oldest DD had a "talk" with Cat tonight, she had a list of items she wanted to address with him.

Well, she addressed her items and Cat blame shifted and justified and flat out LIED to her about certain things.

Thank god for email as I just showed her proof that what I had told her was true.

He told her about how controlling I was - how I kept him from seeing his brother (completely untrue - for YEARS I tried to get him to set up a monthly dinner with his bro,he never did it)... And just other BULLSHIT.

It's no wonder my MIL is pissed off at me if he is telling her the same shit he told DD tonight.

OH - and when Cat was telling DD how controlling I was, then mil piped up and complained about me not letting her mow her own lawn even though she has asked to do it. AYFKM? I should let my 70 something mil mow her grass in 85 degree weather with her bad knee when I'm already out there doing it?

What the fuck ever.

He such a lying bastard.

I'm so fucking pissed off.

ETA: and DD again said she thinks her grandma is mad at her. Fucking pisses me off. She hasn't done anything.

[This message edited by nekorb at 2:02 AM, August 4th (Monday)]

deena posted 8/4/2014 03:50 AM

Love your title. How many times I have felt that way!!

The lying........oh if my kids could tell you how I hate the lying especially now!!

Your CAT is a lowly piece of work!!

That is the great thing about emails. EVIDENCE!! It's awesome!!

And mommy would have been told a whole pack of those lovely things

SBB posted 8/4/2014 06:10 AM

mil piped up and complained about me not letting her mow her own lawn even though she has asked to do it.

I know this isn't funny but you are seriously going to piss your pants off about this one day. That day is not today but I promise you one day it will be.

He told me he cheated because I didn't cook or drive. Er, OK. Then I found DDOW didn't cook or drive either. It still hurt like hell but I did laugh out loud at that one.

He also told my then 5 year old that we didn't live together anymore because "Mummy kissed other men". The kissing part was not untrue as I did sleep around when we S post DD. That is NOT why we S/D'd. I can laugh now because when she's grown and certainly when she is a wife and mother herself she will know exactly what is is.

I'd love him to explain that little tidbit in the context of all of the emails we exchanged about our breakup and the fact that he shacked up with a child 17 years his junior (same age gap between him and my mum! ).

Something happened to me where I think I reached a state of pissed off fever pitch then - boom - I stopped being pissed off. It was/is still as irritating as fuck but it doesn't enrage me like it used to.

It is hard when your kids are upset by it too. How old is DD? Is she in IC? Why is she worried about XMIL? Does she not see how fucked up XMILs logic is?

Kajem posted 8/4/2014 08:42 AM

It took 9 years for xil's to see the truth about their son and his current life.

My kids thought IL's were upset with them also. In the last 2 1/2 years there has been a lot of kid truth revealed to his parents. With that came a lot of healing. It turns out that XH/NW were acting as gate keepers between the generations. Now that my kids are adults ( and responsponsible for themselves) XH/NW have little control who they stay in contact with. The kids choose to stay in contact with his parents. His parents have cut him out till he apologizes for lying, manipulating, etc.

Nekorb, did mil have a good relationship with your kids before? If not- it's no great loss. Only your kids won't see it that way.

I wish we lived closer.

(((((((Nekorb))))))) ((((((((DD)))))))

norabird posted 8/4/2014 09:35 AM

I agree with SBB--

OH - and when Cat was telling DD how controlling I was, then mil piped up and complained about me not letting her mow her own lawn even though she has asked to do it. AYFKM? I should let my 70 something mil mow her grass in 85 degree weather with her bad knee when I'm already out there doing it?

this is pretty priceless. 'She mowed my lawn for me!' Because that's everyone's favorite activity-- to mow the lawn. Especially at 70!

This is how you know that they are grasping at straws. The blameshifting is crazy-making but also eventually freeing. I am sorry that he feels entitled to drag his DD into the line of fire and try to manipulate her, and you're right to be angry about that, but she and you and the entire world knows that he is just blowing smoke up his ass.

nekorb posted 8/4/2014 15:09 PM

I'm still fuming mad today.

MIL had a great relationship with the kids AND me. We are neighbors. I have not heard this sentiment from the other kids, just oldest (adult) DD.

Makes me sad and angry. DD is part of the collateral damage here. She hasn't done anything wrong.

Fucking CAT

lovesobroken posted 8/4/2014 15:18 PM

There are these ppl who will pick sides and there's no winning with them. Its completely her loss to lose her relationship with her grand daughter. IMO, just treat this an an opportunity to teach your dd that the cross isn't hers to bear. Just try to shed these toxic realtionships , maybe a short break and hang out with ppl who have your back. I hate that situationslike these bring out the best and worst in people. Hugss

AmSoDone posted 8/4/2014 15:31 PM

This is why my DD won't talk to her father. He doesn't listen to her, will brush off serious issues or blatantly lie to get himself off the hook. She realised this a long tome ago and it has affected their relationship. He, of course blames me for this. I'm supposed to MAKE her keep in touch with him and TELL her how to behave.

She hasn't found her strength to call him out but she's working on it.

His Mother is toxic. She will agree to your face that his behaviour is this that and the other, then she will reward him in some way i.e. a new car or clothes or whatever. She called me 3 times in the first 2 months after he left. The first 2 times she never mentioned him once! I was purposely waiting to see what she said but nothing. I mentioned this when I saw him next so the last time she called she told me that she said that we should never have gotten back together (she didn't - she was happy for us) and that I am not strong enough for her son. WTH does that mean? I haven't spoken to her since. I truly believe that he has told her so many lies about me that has poisoned her view on our relationship. I also think she knew about the OW and if my hunch is right she would have entertained her in May. He told me he was visiting his Mother and I am sure he took OW with him. He has 2 brothers and 2 sisters who we spent time with as Christmas and I have known for 32 years. Not 1 of them has called me either. Fucking disloyal bunch of bastards the lot of them.

So Nekorb, I do understand how pissed off you are.

justme1264 posted 8/4/2014 15:32 PM

the lies they tell are the absolute worst. Incredible how we once stood at that alter, believing the person in front of us had integrity.

I am so sorry you have to deal with such lies. Frustrating isn't even the tip of it.

[This message edited by justme1264 at 3:32 PM, August 4th (Monday)]

steppingup posted 8/4/2014 16:08 PM

Cheaters, well...what can you say, liars, liars pants on fire. Nobody is surprised and they keep going to their playbook to make themselves look better despite the fact that they operate with character flaws.

So sorry about begin pissed off. We (BSs) are all apart of that club. I get so pissed off sometimes it goes to numb..then to apathy, indifference towards WW, where I just don't care at all and wish God would simply take me outta here because life shouldn't be this F...ked up.

nekorb posted 8/4/2014 23:43 PM

Thanks everyone.

I just have to stop expecting him to act decent on any level. It boggles my mind how he just can't accept that there are consequences to his choices.

I feel like sending him a text that says:

TIP: don't lie to our DD about things that I can prove using your own words in email and text.

Sometimes I wonder if he gets himself in such a tizzy that he doesn't remember half the shit he sends me. It's weird.

betrayedpregnant posted 8/5/2014 01:12 AM

Yes, in laws have the tendency to side with their blood. When everything was hunky dory, I was closer to my in laws than my x was, but as soon as he decided to cheat on me, my MIL just shrugs and tells me she loves her son very much, but she doesn't understand him, and iced me out since. I am very disappointed, as I imagine you are, nekorb. Maybe seeing how these parents are so ready to condone any misbehavior from their offspring, no wonder these waywards turn out this way.

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