This is what my unremorseful stbxWH keeps trying to convince me of. Thanks to sites like SI, I can hold my head up and know that none of it was actually my fault.
Was married for almost 11yrs, together for 16. Never, ever suspected him of having an affair all those years.
Dday 1 - Ex abruptly left the house, saying he found a roommate. We had discussions about seperating but didn't really make an effort on, wasn't sure if I was going to pull the plug on our marriage or not (really long story). I noticed he didn't take any bedding with him. Since I didn't want him involved with my life, I did him a courtesy not to ask where he went. He came over to the house to watch the kids when I worked. Turns out 'roommate' was actually a girlfriend. When I confronted him about it, he blamed me for being blindsided since I didn't ask if roommate was a girlfriend
As expected, their relationship died out. He came home begging for another chance. Since I had been on the fence before he moved out, I felt I could give it another shot.
Dday 2 - My gut was telling me something was up. He left his facebook open on my computer one night. I found at least 6 conversations between him and other women with him soliciting sex from them and asking for body shots. I flipped out and told him to leave. He said it was my own fault I found it (snooping). The first conversation with him and another woman happened the same week he moved back home last year.
Oh, and of course it's my fault he cheated. I wasn't a perfect wife and he had needs. Didn't make him feel like a man. So yep, all my fault.
I can laugh now, which is a refreshing change from a few months back. He's now moved onto to "I will win you back no matter what!" phase but I'm not going down that route again.
I gave him the gift of R last time and he shit all over it. My love is worth more than that. I can now take my time and energy and pour that into myself and my children.
Thank you SI for making me see the light. He's broken and doesn't want to fix it. I'm moving onto the New Normal for me. Sweet freedom.