Do any BS's know what I mean when you trigger really bad and get this flush of anger and pain and sick stomach that you just spew angry, insulting mouth garbage out?
I did a lot in the beginning. I only do it about once a month maybe nowadays, but today I did it again.
I went pain shopping. I do every day and most of the time dont find anything really. Today I found pics of the OW with a friend of hers and they were in the city and looking all happy and having a good day, and I just sat there staring and getting so angry that WHORE has my husband. I had mind movies when I saw her and I just HATE her guts more than I ever thought possible. I wish she would die a million horrible deaths. I hate her so much and it hurts so bad.
I dont know why I do that to myself. I dont know why I go looking for her. I guess to see if karma has finally hit or to see that her life is as miserable as mine...BUT OF COURSE ITS NOT.
So I spewed mouth garbage in the form of a text to my WH. He is at work. HE HATES WHEN I DO THIS. Last time I did it...he told me IT HAD TO STOP!
He gets super angry at me when I spew stuff like that. I dont know if its because it reminds him he is a shit or that Im insulting the ugly white trash ugly old piece of trash he chose to fuck up our life with. But he gets angry.
I have completely ruined any good happy evening with him and blew my shots at having sex or snuggling tonight. I know that. I am dreading to hear how mad he is at me, and in the meantime...I am hurt and sad about seeing the whore...even if I brought it on myself.