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Newest Member: hstones (61101)

User Topic: Detoxing
♀ 44003
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone! Really tired today so not having very good feelings. A lot has happened in a week. I am no longer in limbo, fighting to save my marriage. It's over. When my husband called me in March, I really felt he wanted to make it work. However, I now see he won't change. He started counseling in April, but I feel he only went to try to come home. I don't believe he feels there is anything wrong with him and I am pretty certain he won't go anymore since I am letting go. About 3 weeks ago he stopped answering my questions completely and pulled back. He is back to not wanting me to see his phone, claiming that my last texts to him were not good ones and he doesn't see any reason for me to look at it if we are not reconciling. I know he is talking to someone (which he denies) and I think I know who it is, and she is married! I am trying to cut contact with him, except where our kids are concerned. I even blocked him from my cell phone, telling him he can call me on the house phone to discuss the kids. However, I ended up unblocking him because I won't always be at home when he has visitation. He called me Friday morning (before I blocked him) and told me he loves me and still wants to work things out and do MC and would take all of my pain on himself and off of me if he could. But then Friday night, he treated me so coldly. He looked at me and talked to me the exact same way he did the night I caught him cheating. Did not deviate from his script at all!! He hurt me all over again! Who the hell is this man?! How did I spend 17.5 years with him and have 3 children and not know the depths of his callousness and manipulation?! Has he always been this way, but now my bullshit meter is finally working, or is it possible for him to have changed so drastically? I don't get it and I feel like an idiot for cracking the door just for him to do it all over again! I am very sad, but kind of looking forward to the end. I feel like I would have regretted it had I not taken the chance to put my family together again. But he blew it. Not once, but twice, and forever. I don't understand the choices he is making. But I need to accept that they are his choices, not mine. No, I did not take him back quickly and I was hurt and angry, but he should have faced it with me. Instead he is taking the easy way again. And I will not settle this time. I am worth fighting for and waiting for. I am worth more than he can give me. And probably always have been, but now I am starting to believe it.

[This message edited by Hopeful74 at 11:42 AM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

Me: BW
2 DD: 18 & 5; 1 DS: 10
Divorced May 2015
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 539 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're through, then you're through. You gave him a beautiful gift, a chance at reconciling, after he shoved a shit-sandwich into your face. If he's not going to accept the gift, then there is no reason in hell to stand around waiting for the him to make the next sandwich. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 9908 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's not ready to R or he wouldn't have treated you the way he did the night you mentioned. He's hiding things with his phone. Ow is married? Maybe he's afraid you will contact her bs. Me personally, because I've wasted too many years for my ws to get on board, would say pull the plug. You gave him a chance, more than enough time and he obviously didnt appreciate it.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 44003
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree completely with both of you!! I have lived the last 4 months with my stomach twisted in knots, thinking about how I could live wih this man and be happy after what he did. I no longer have to look for reasons to fight. He gave me none. And I think I am starting to feel lighter. Like a weight has been lifted. I'm still sad. But it feel like if I can just get through the next couple of months without him, I will be much better.

Me: BW
2 DD: 18 & 5; 1 DS: 10
Divorced May 2015
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 539 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
Topic Posts: 4

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