Hi everyone! Really tired today so not having very good feelings. A lot has happened in a week. I am no longer in limbo, fighting to save my marriage. It's over. When my husband called me in March, I really felt he wanted to make it work. However, I now see he won't change. He started counseling in April, but I feel he only went to try to come home. I don't believe he feels there is anything wrong with him and I am pretty certain he won't go anymore since I am letting go. About 3 weeks ago he stopped answering my questions completely and pulled back. He is back to not wanting me to see his phone, claiming that my last texts to him were not good ones and he doesn't see any reason for me to look at it if we are not reconciling. I know he is talking to someone (which he denies) and I think I know who it is, and she is married! I am trying to cut contact with him, except where our kids are concerned. I even blocked him from my cell phone, telling him he can call me on the house phone to discuss the kids. However, I ended up unblocking him because I won't always be at home when he has visitation. He called me Friday morning (before I blocked him) and told me he loves me and still wants to work things out and do MC and would take all of my pain on himself and off of me if he could. But then Friday night, he treated me so coldly. He looked at me and talked to me the exact same way he did the night I caught him cheating. Did not deviate from his script at all!! He hurt me all over again! Who the hell is this man?! How did I spend 17.5 years with him and have 3 children and not know the depths of his callousness and manipulation?! Has he always been this way, but now my bullshit meter is finally working, or is it possible for him to have changed so drastically? I don't get it and I feel like an idiot for cracking the door just for him to do it all over again! I am very sad, but kind of looking forward to the end. I feel like I would have regretted it had I not taken the chance to put my family together again. But he blew it. Not once, but twice, and forever. I don't understand the choices he is making. But I need to accept that they are his choices, not mine. No, I did not take him back quickly and I was hurt and angry, but he should have faced it with me. Instead he is taking the easy way again. And I will not settle this time. I am worth fighting for and waiting for. I am worth more than he can give me. And probably always have been, but now I am starting to believe it.
[This message edited by Hopeful74 at 11:42 AM, August 5th (Tuesday)]