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Is it too late to inform OW's betrayed boyfriend?

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Loadsofchocolate posted 8/5/2014 16:09 PM

It's been just over a year since dday1 and 8 months since dday5 ( when NC letter was sent). I know now that on dday 1 I hardly knew anything about the full extent of the affair which is why I didn't contact the BBF (betrayed boyfriend). The affair went underground several times and I was on the receiving end of lots of TT and multiple broken NC. On dday5 I discovered everything (I hope) and WH sent a proper NC letter. After the NC letter was sent I thought it was too late to contact the BBF and hoped the OW would just get the message and leave us alone.

OW has harassed me and stalked me online for over a year. It doesn't happen so much now as I deleted my accounts, including my FB account which she hacked for a second time a few months ago. Every time the affair went underground it was by watching what she did in a few hidden places online that led me to discover NC had been broken. I still regularly check on her to confirm that NC is being maintained. The public profiles, as expected, have multiple taunts to try and get a reaction from me (I have never replied to any of her messages or had any form of contact with her), in the hidden places she is clearly still totally obsessed with WH and recently posted that "she is never going to give up until he divorces the slut" (in the context of - never going to give up harassing me.)

Due to my employment I need to make a visible online profile and I am certain that is going to open up a whole load of abuse from her. If this happens again (as I expect it will) would it be too late to contact the BFF and let him know about the affair last year and that his girlfriend is still obsessed with a married man or would it be best to just try and ignore? I really don't know what the best way forward is and any advice would be very much appreciated

ButterflyGirl posted 8/5/2014 16:28 PM

It's never too late. PLEASE, TELL HIM.

And sometimes it seems that when OW are continually obsessed, it's not because they are delusional, it's because they are still in contact with the wayward.

If she's not letting him go, maybe he's not given her a reason to.

There are millions of ways they could go underground. My ex fucker used the chat feature on a fucking scrabble game on his phone to go underground. Waywards can be some sneaky fuckers.

I would tell the boyfriend ASAP. I think it gives your relationship a better chance as well..

homewrecked2011 posted 8/5/2014 21:11 PM

I think you should take what ever evidence of the affair and take it right to him, personally!

Do not warn your WS, do not warn OW.

Do not send it thru fb, email, etc because most BS are trusting people and they have the link right on their phone to their email and f/b.....

But yes, please tell him today. Wouldnt' you want to know?

BtraydWife posted 8/5/2014 21:53 PM

Never too late.

cantgetup posted 8/5/2014 22:13 PM

Wow. First and foremost a personal visit to the BBF. Like yesterday. But more importantly, where is your WS in all of this? He needs to step up and make this stop, and shouldn't rest until it's permanently resolved.

Loadsofchocolate posted 8/8/2014 04:20 AM

Thank you all for your replies. I only have a cell phone number for the BBF so I'll have to plan what I want to say and call him. I guess I have to just keep it brief and factual?

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