"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

painfulpast posted 8/5/2014 17:53 PM

It's killing me. He, Fred, was a rescue from KY. He's a staffordshire/sharpei mix, and he's the best dog I've ever had, and I've had quite a few. He was about 7 when we got him, or so the shelter estimated. That was in 2008. He's a big guy - just over 100 pounds, and he was definitely a mama's boy.

During the A, and after DDay, he was my best friend. He was just happy to see me. If i was sad, he just sat with me. He slept on my bed for the first 2 years, and then he slept at the foot of my bed when getting down got to be too difficult.

He has tumors in his lungs. The first vet said it was lung cancer. I took him to a veterinary oncologist center on the other side of Boston. They said lymphoma. Then they tested. Couldn't say yes or no. We tried chemo, but it did no good. The tumors kept growing.

Today, he can only pant. The steroids have stopped helping for the most part. He has been lying in the same spot since 3:30. I know it's time. I won't make him suffer.

So, why not in 'off topic'? Because all of this has me on edge. I'm remembering how my fWH sent OW pics of MY dogs. Yes, they were our dogs, but that means MINE. SHE had no right to peek into my life. She had no right to see my dogs, or comment on them, or even know that I have dogs, or that I exist. NO RIGHT.

I know I'm just on edge and looking to vent, and I'm picking an easy target - the A.

When this happens, how does everyone else handle this?

I'm not thinking clearly honestly - I'm just sad. Any advice is SO appreciated.

craig2001 posted 8/5/2014 18:03 PM

I am so sorry to hear this. I really don't have any advice, even though I have been through this twice in my life. It is just one of the most painful things to go through.

My dog now is also a rescue dog that we got in 2008.

Just keep thinking how you rescued your dog and gave it a wonderful home all of these years.

gonnabe2016 posted 8/5/2014 18:13 PM

{{{PP}}}
I'm so sorry. I just had to go through this a couple of months ago. Our dog was also a rescue dog and the only reason we got him was because Monster insisted. When Monster left, he didn't look back. He has lived across the street from me for 1.5 years now and never once asked for this dog -- even though our other dog transfers back and forth with the kids. Monster was also absent throughout this dog's whole treatment process (cancer) -- never offered to help or to spend any time with him. I took a video on my phone of my dog a couple of days before we sent him over the bridge. A few days after the event, when the kids were with Monster, my youngest asked me to send him the video. I declined. There was no way in hell I was letting Monster *share* that.

I have no advice. Putting that dog to sleep was one of the saddest moments of my life -- and probably my kids' lives too (we were all with Dog when he passed). Honestly, 2 months later, I still miss him.

{{{{{{{pp}}}}}}}

painfulpast posted 8/5/2014 18:19 PM

Thank you.

I've been in denial for a couple of months, but I can no longer do that. I'm just so heartbroken over this.

I know it's time. I know it's the right thing to do. It's just hard.

He did have a hell of a life here. I took him because the rescue that had him was trying to be a no-kill shelter and Fred (then Tyson) was way past his limit. They hadn't put an animal down in 4 months. Volunteers started posting him, and I saw him and something just clicked. I got him home and have never once been sorry that I adopted him.

btw - that shelter IS now a no kill shelter. The last animal they put down was the one that was 4 months before Fred, so Fred and I were able to extend that no kill streak to forever, since they are now a no-kill shelter officially. Also, he was the first out of state adoption they'd ever done. They learned how from me & Fred, so we've helped save a lot more dogs :)

I'm going to miss the big guy, so much.

BtraydWife posted 8/5/2014 18:23 PM

I'm so sorry. He sounds like a wonderful buddy. You saved each other. Of course your upset. Hugs for you.

Pentup posted 8/5/2014 18:25 PM

Sending hugs

Questioningall posted 8/5/2014 18:42 PM

I'm so sorry! It's heartbreaking when you have to put a beloved animal down. I bet he had a great life with you.

Chicky posted 8/5/2014 18:44 PM

I am so very sorry.

My precious rescue baby died of natural causes last month. He just layed down and went to sleep early in the evening.

I still cry every day because he truly was my baby. My children are grown and he was my buddy. The only place he didn't go with me is work and church. My mom thought I was crazy for taking him with me in the summer and leaving him in the car with the engine running and the AC on high. (I know that wasn't legal or safe but I couldn't bear the look in his eyes when he thought he was being left behind) I always parked at the far end of whatever parking lot I was in and got much needed exercise as a bonus.

Only other pet parents get what you are feeling. My coworkers thought I was crazy for taking off work 3 days but I simply could not function. I'll be praying for you and Fred. Just keep reminding yourself of the wonderful life you gave him and all the joy he brought to you. That's the only thing that gets me through these days. (((((painfulpast)))))

[This message edited by Chicky at 6:45 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

gonnabe2016 posted 8/5/2014 18:45 PM

I know it's time. I know it's the right thing to do. It's just hard.

Yes. It is. It's awful. He loves you and you gave him a great life and he was a wonderful companion for you. You are showing him honor, pp.
{{{hugs}}} for you and for Fred (which is an awesome dog-name! )

Badhurt posted 8/5/2014 19:13 PM

PainfullPast

I am also a dog lover. We have 5.
Unfortunately have had experience with canine cancer.
I know from what you wrote you have done everything you could and spent a good deal of money
Thoughts are with you

knutz posted 8/5/2014 19:19 PM

I am so sorry. I totally get it. I got my dog a year after dday and she has been a light in my life. She never questions me. She consoles me with her kisses when I need it. She comforts me when I am down.

You are right. The OW has NO right knowing anything about your life. Your furbaby is just that - YOURS.

Just focus on Fred now. And you.

Wishing you lots and lots of strength for the next few days.

hopefull77 posted 8/5/2014 19:38 PM

Ohhhhh I am so sorry!!!!! I too had to put my best buddy down in the middle of my H affair....
I came home and cried like a baby.....this dog had known my mom my FIL and my BIL all those people who hadalready gone from our lives.....he was that last connection to a past.....
This dog and I went to visit patients at a hospital and he had made so many people happy!
Your boy has left his mark....
Our pets love us unconditionally. .... they trust us unconditionally.....they are a true gift from God!
when you are ready find a new best friend!
We still have 2 silly dogs who love us unconditionally...
I feel your pain.....it is the hardest 'right' thing to do.

solus sto posted 8/5/2014 20:53 PM

(((painfulpast))) I'm so very sorry. My Truman joined me around the time I was beginning to confront earlier infidelities, and was with me for the last dday. There were times that, were it not for his new-baby dependence, I wouldn't have found much to keep me going, day to day. It's been long enough now that I can't imagine life without him---or, rather, I realize I will have to live it, one day.

I know what a good friend your Fred has been, and I totally understand the A association. I get how you saved one another--Truman and I have, too.

I'm so so sorry your pal is sick and as hard as it is, know you are doing the right thing, relieving his suffering.

Millions of hugs to you. And a kiss for Fred's nose.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:54 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

saturnpatrick posted 8/5/2014 21:44 PM

Both of our dogs are rescues too. One of ours is also from 2008! One of ours is also starting to show his age and I do not look forward to when the time comes at all.

It sounds like you were a wonderful and caring owner. It sounds like you gave him a wonderful life, and his friendship to you was the least he could do. You were so lucky to find each other.

I have sometimes thought "If I could speak at my funeral, what would I say." Probably I would want to tell people that I do not want them to be unhappy. I would want them to remember fondly the good times we had together, and to always remember how important and special those closest to me were to me and how grateful and happy I was to have those happy times with those closest to me.

I bet Fred would say the same.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 8/5/2014 22:14 PM

Gosh, painful, I am so sorry. It's rough.

I had to do this last Aug. by myself. Didn't think I could drive myself home from the vet. by myself, but I did. The time had come. She was absolutely my best friend for 18 years.

I look forward to meeting up with all my furbabies eventually and spending forever with them when the time comes.

Sending prayers for you.

stunnedin12 posted 8/5/2014 22:17 PM

{{painfulpast}} I'm so sorry. It is hard. Really, really hard.

Neverwudaguessed posted 8/5/2014 22:50 PM

Oh, I am so sorry that you are facing this. It truly is the worst part about allowing these innocent little souls into our families. There is nothing like the unconditional love of our little fur babies and to be faced with making the final decision about when their lives need to end is heartbreaking, but you should be at peace knowing that there is nothing left that you could have done to save him and there is nothing left to help extend the quality of his life so there is really no option left for him. You are doing what is right for him after a faithful, devoted life to you. I wish there were an easier way.... sending strength your way.

painfulpast posted 8/6/2014 06:46 AM

Thank you all, so much. Fred is still here. This is so damned hard. His eyes still shine, his tail still wags, and he's so happy to just sit with me. But he can't breathe. We've upped his steroid dose, hoping that helps a little. All we're doing is prolonging the inevitable, but his mind is still here, so if we can put it off another week, we will. I won't let him suffer.

We have 3 other dogs. They're all glued to my H's hip. Fred was my baby, always. I'm so sad.

Thank you again - your support is awesome.

putonahappyface posted 8/6/2014 06:59 AM

Painful, I'm so very sorry. We put our sweet Spikey to sleep two weeks ago today; he also had lymphoma. Our vet advised us to try to time it to just before the suffering begins, as so many people wait just a little too late. It's so hard, because dogs have such an incredible will to live, & will wag their tail even in great pain. It is truly one of the most heart-wrenching decisions, but it's an act of kindness, compassion and love that cannot be avoided.

I live in KY - thank you for rescuing from here, & helping the shelter switch to no-kill! You are a great friend to the animals. Hugs & prayers to you & your family as you walk this painful path.

devasted30 posted 8/6/2014 07:12 AM

painfulpast, Fred's job is done. He came into your life for a reason and that reason was to help you through your ordeal. You are hurting because you love Fred as much as he loves you. It's hard to say good bye to such a good, loving friend, but you will have great memories to reflect upon.
It is a very difficult decision but in your heart, you know it's time. I am so sorry, but please know we understand how hard this is and are sending you strength. (((Hugs)))