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Newest Member: wileyconfused (46027)

User Topic: Delivery Room 3cm
BrokenDoe
♀ 44077
Member # 44077
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This maybe TMI but I am 3cm dilated. And I still have not decided if he is coming into the delivery room.

He has met with my birth team and apologized and taken there abuse as well as going an talking to my dad and apologizing to him.

He has followed all the conditions I put in place and jumped through the hoops without hesitation.

But I am still just not sure.

Do I say no you can meet the baby after.
Or
Yes you can come.
Or
Come in but if you piss me off your out.

I just don't know.

[This message edited by BrokenDoe at 6:52 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]


BW 32
WH 32
Married 6 together 10, friends 20
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 3yr & 1DS 1month

Planing on giving birth, then sorting things out.
*update* perfect little boy born


Posts: 51 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario
StillStanding1
♀ 40144
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do whatever brings you peace. The decision is yours. Many blessings to you and your new baby. Praying for a safe delivery and healthy baby!


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 746 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
knutz
♀ 28877
Member # 28877
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what? Right now you need to focus on YOU and your baby. You do what feels right in the moment. There is no right or wrong.

You can set up ground rules with him -- if you want him there for a while then he stays. The moment you say "go" - he goes. Have a code word so that he AND the staff know what it means. Have him stay at your head if you want.

YOU call the shots. Just try to focus on what is happening NOW -- not the past and not the future. Not today, sweetie. There will be plenty of time to sort through this stuff later.

I am praying for a safe and as little-as-possible-pain labor.


Together 23 years
Married 20 Years
BW (me) 48
FWH: 49 (rSA)
2 children, 9 & 12
DDay: December 27, 2009
"Life is not what it is supposed to be. It is what it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference". Virginia Satir

Posts: 237 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: New England
MovingUpward
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with the others that you do what makes you most comfortable.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53323 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
nekorb
♀ 40306
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You do whatever the HELL you want and if that changes minute by minute he damn well better do it.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Landoes
♂ 40222
Member # 40222
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like others have said, do whatever you feel is right. I, too, found out about the A during her pregnancy. It's certainly very emotional, and you might say things you regret later. I know I did.
Congrats on your new family member!

Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2013
BrokenDoe
♀ 44077
Member # 44077
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well things seem to have slowed down tonight. So I guess I get some more time to think about it.


BW 32
WH 32
Married 6 together 10, friends 20
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 3yr & 1DS 1month

Planing on giving birth, then sorting things out.
*update* perfect little boy born


Posts: 51 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario
hopefulmom44
♀ 44136
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! Please focus on you and baby. If you think he will be a distraction, then leave him out.

Posts: 105 | Registered: Jul 2014
BtraydWife
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go with whatever your gut says, you can always change your mind.

Hang in there mama.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2586 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Rubix
♀ 44099
Member # 44099
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do what's right for you honey. If he is going to stress you out simply by being there then let him wait till after. If you want him there as support then go ahead. Congratulations :). Let us know when little one is here :).


BS: (25) stbxh (29-RemorsefulHubby)
kids: mine:DD 5 ours:DS new born.
Married: 24/04/2014. (My birthday. Now a trigger) Annullling IT.
Dday 1: 13/06/14 secret online man whore life.
D-Day 2: 9/8/2014- admitted to ONS.

Posts: 280 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Northamptonshire
deena04
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My hopes are you are holding that little one and my post it too late. Do what you need to do! Easy delivery vibes and best wishes!!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
L-I-B-E-R-A-T-I-N-G ME

Posts: 1305 | Registered: Dec 2013
RomanticInnocenc
♀ 43041
Member # 43041
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I hope baby doe has already arrived! If not, just do what feels right in the moment. Don't worry about his feelings, if he was so concerned about being in the room then maybe he should have thought about that before!

Good luck, I hope it goes well!

((Brokendoe))


Me: BS 31
WH: 29 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS: getting close to 1
Together 10 years, married 2.
DD1: 8th of Jan 2014
DD2: 10th of Jan 2014
NC: 8th of Jan
In hopeful R!

Posts: 429 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
Delilah169
♀ 43689
Member # 43689
Funny  Posted: 10:17 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BrokenDoe)))

I'm assuming the baby has come - congratulations! I hope it all went well for you.

I don't know what decision you finally made, I hope it was whatever YOU needed and made you comfortable.

Many prayers for you and your new baby. I know with all my heart this miracle will grow up in a home filled with joy and love, no matter what happens in the future.


Me - BS, Him - WS
Her - POS WB Fake Friend
Married - 22 Years, together 25
One 22 yo DD
DD - 4/28/13, TT for over a year
Doing well with R
"Life might be a little simpler if we just got over it"
"It all seems so clear in hindsight"

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jun 2014
BrokenDoe
♀ 44077
Member # 44077
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope labour has stalled grr?!?

So just very uncomfortable and waiting at home again now.


BW 32
WH 32
Married 6 together 10, friends 20
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 3yr & 1DS 1month

Planing on giving birth, then sorting things out.
*update* perfect little boy born


Posts: 51 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario
steppingup
♂ 42650
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you are cautious about this, but if they baby is both your's and his, then of course once the delivery is done and you are comfortable, invite him in. However, IMHO you do not owe him the chance to see the delivery. Might actually be a good lesson for him to "miss out" on magical moments that only come once.

edits - oh I should have added. "May God richly bless you and this precious child all the days of your life" Step.

[This message edited by steppingup at 10:35 AM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

Posts: 721 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
CB217
♀ 44245
Member # 44245
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry you are going through this. I just had my baby girl 12 days ago & found out in May my H was cheating with coworkers. I was sick the first 7 months of my pregnancy & heartbroken for the last 2, and I'm still dealing with so much emotional turmoil that I feel like it's taken away from the enjoyment and bonding I should be focused on.

I let my H in the delivery room because I felt like I needed his support. Really I just held his hand. I was scared of getting emotional with him there, but everything turned out fine. Easy delivery, healthy baby, and no breakdown.

Think about what you need during your labor and trust yourself. There's no right or wrong way if it's how you want it. Sending you prayers and support


Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2014
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BD)))

Do what feels right for you. Don't worry what anyone else says or thinks. They aren't in your shoes, and don't know.

BTW, I walked around at 3 cm and fully effaced for 3 weeks. My recommendation to you is to be as active as you can. Your little one will come when they are ready, and not before.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8893 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
devasted30
♀ 39439
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now it's my turn to put in my 2 cents.
Call me the Devil's advocate if you need to, but, think very carefully about this. You can never take it back. It is so hard to do the right thing, but in the end, you must do what works best for you. Just make sure that if you ban him from the delivery room that it is for the right reasons and not a form of revenge. I know it's so much easier said then done, but show him why he loved you in the first place. Show him what an a$$hole he has been. Show him that you are worth fighting for. That you are a prize and he should be humbled and ashamed. If you can do that, great. If you can't do it; if it will make it too hard on you, so be it. His actions have brought this on himself. Just remember whatever you do, you will have to live with it. I am a great believer in two wrongs never making a right. But, I also believe in the karma bus too. I understand that he doesn't deserve any special treatment, but they never think of all the consequences when they do their stupid cheating.
I hope things go well for you. No matter what happens, try to enjoy the birth of your baby. Life is so precious.
t/j Please everyone, no 2x4's for me. I am on BrokenDoe's side but felt that it should be stated. Someone has to do the hard stuff sometimes.


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1431 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
Alonelyagain
♂ 32820
Member # 32820
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a BH, but have a different slant for you to consider: was your WH present for the birth of your other 2 children? If so, what will your response be, if you R, to your 3d child finding out that WH was present for those earlier births, but not for his/hers.

Posts: 148 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: New Jersey
BrokenDoe
♀ 44077
Member # 44077
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I only have one other child but I see what you mean.


BW 32
WH 32
Married 6 together 10, friends 20
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 3yr & 1DS 1month

Planing on giving birth, then sorting things out.
*update* perfect little boy born


Posts: 51 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Ontario
Topic Posts: 78
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