SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

BrokenDoe posted 8/5/2014 18:51 PM

This maybe TMI but I am 3cm dilated. And I still have not decided if he is coming into the delivery room.

He has met with my birth team and apologized and taken there abuse as well as going an talking to my dad and apologizing to him.

He has followed all the conditions I put in place and jumped through the hoops without hesitation.

But I am still just not sure.

Do I say no you can meet the baby after.
Or
Yes you can come.
Or
Come in but if you piss me off your out.

I just don't know.

[This message edited by BrokenDoe at 6:52 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

StillStanding1 posted 8/5/2014 18:56 PM

Do whatever brings you peace. The decision is yours. Many blessings to you and your new baby. Praying for a safe delivery and healthy baby!

knutz posted 8/5/2014 19:03 PM

You know what? Right now you need to focus on YOU and your baby. You do what feels right in the moment. There is no right or wrong.

You can set up ground rules with him -- if you want him there for a while then he stays. The moment you say "go" - he goes. Have a code word so that he AND the staff know what it means. Have him stay at your head if you want.

YOU call the shots. Just try to focus on what is happening NOW -- not the past and not the future. Not today, sweetie. There will be plenty of time to sort through this stuff later.

I am praying for a safe and as little-as-possible-pain labor.

MovingUpward posted 8/5/2014 20:32 PM

I agree with the others that you do what makes you most comfortable.

nekorb posted 8/5/2014 20:58 PM

You do whatever the HELL you want and if that changes minute by minute he damn well better do it.

Landoes posted 8/5/2014 21:00 PM

Like others have said, do whatever you feel is right. I, too, found out about the A during her pregnancy. It's certainly very emotional, and you might say things you regret later. I know I did.
Congrats on your new family member!

BrokenDoe posted 8/5/2014 21:18 PM

Well things seem to have slowed down tonight. So I guess I get some more time to think about it.

hopefulmom44 posted 8/5/2014 21:19 PM

Congratulations! Please focus on you and baby. If you think he will be a distraction, then leave him out.

BtraydWife posted 8/5/2014 21:49 PM

Go with whatever your gut says, you can always change your mind.

Hang in there mama.

Rubix posted 8/6/2014 00:39 AM

Do what's right for you honey. If he is going to stress you out simply by being there then let him wait till after. If you want him there as support then go ahead. Congratulations :). Let us know when little one is here :).

deena04 posted 8/6/2014 07:36 AM

My hopes are you are holding that little one and my post it too late. Do what you need to do! Easy delivery vibes and best wishes!!

RomanticInnocenc posted 8/6/2014 07:43 AM

Oh I hope baby doe has already arrived! If not, just do what feels right in the moment. Don't worry about his feelings, if he was so concerned about being in the room then maybe he should have thought about that before!

Good luck, I hope it goes well!

((Brokendoe))

Delilah169 posted 8/6/2014 10:17 AM

(((BrokenDoe)))

I'm assuming the baby has come - congratulations! I hope it all went well for you.

I don't know what decision you finally made, I hope it was whatever YOU needed and made you comfortable.

Many prayers for you and your new baby. I know with all my heart this miracle will grow up in a home filled with joy and love, no matter what happens in the future.

BrokenDoe posted 8/6/2014 10:21 AM

Nope labour has stalled grr?!?

So just very uncomfortable and waiting at home again now.

steppingup posted 8/6/2014 10:33 AM

I know you are cautious about this, but if they baby is both your's and his, then of course once the delivery is done and you are comfortable, invite him in. However, IMHO you do not owe him the chance to see the delivery. Might actually be a good lesson for him to "miss out" on magical moments that only come once.

edits - oh I should have added. "May God richly bless you and this precious child all the days of your life" Step.

[This message edited by steppingup at 10:35 AM, August 6th (Wednesday)]

CB217 posted 8/6/2014 10:44 AM

So sorry you are going through this. I just had my baby girl 12 days ago & found out in May my H was cheating with coworkers. I was sick the first 7 months of my pregnancy & heartbroken for the last 2, and I'm still dealing with so much emotional turmoil that I feel like it's taken away from the enjoyment and bonding I should be focused on.

I let my H in the delivery room because I felt like I needed his support. Really I just held his hand. I was scared of getting emotional with him there, but everything turned out fine. Easy delivery, healthy baby, and no breakdown.

Think about what you need during your labor and trust yourself. There's no right or wrong way if it's how you want it. Sending you prayers and support

tushnurse posted 8/6/2014 10:49 AM

(((BD)))

Do what feels right for you. Don't worry what anyone else says or thinks. They aren't in your shoes, and don't know.

BTW, I walked around at 3 cm and fully effaced for 3 weeks. My recommendation to you is to be as active as you can. Your little one will come when they are ready, and not before.

devasted30 posted 8/6/2014 11:07 AM

So now it's my turn to put in my 2 cents.
Call me the Devil's advocate if you need to, but, think very carefully about this. You can never take it back. It is so hard to do the right thing, but in the end, you must do what works best for you. Just make sure that if you ban him from the delivery room that it is for the right reasons and not a form of revenge. I know it's so much easier said then done, but show him why he loved you in the first place. Show him what an a$$hole he has been. Show him that you are worth fighting for. That you are a prize and he should be humbled and ashamed. If you can do that, great. If you can't do it; if it will make it too hard on you, so be it. His actions have brought this on himself. Just remember whatever you do, you will have to live with it. I am a great believer in two wrongs never making a right. But, I also believe in the karma bus too. I understand that he doesn't deserve any special treatment, but they never think of all the consequences when they do their stupid cheating.
I hope things go well for you. No matter what happens, try to enjoy the birth of your baby. Life is so precious.
t/j Please everyone, no 2x4's for me. I am on BrokenDoe's side but felt that it should be stated. Someone has to do the hard stuff sometimes.

Alonelyagain posted 8/6/2014 12:20 PM

I'm a BH, but have a different slant for you to consider: was your WH present for the birth of your other 2 children? If so, what will your response be, if you R, to your 3d child finding out that WH was present for those earlier births, but not for his/hers.

BrokenDoe posted 8/6/2014 13:15 PM

I only have one other child but I see what you mean.