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Just Found Out :
Delivery Room 3cm

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 BrokenDoe (original poster member #44077) posted at 12:51 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

This maybe TMI but I am 3cm dilated. And I still have not decided if he is coming into the delivery room.

He has met with my birth team and apologized and taken there abuse as well as going an talking to my dad and apologizing to him.

He has followed all the conditions I put in place and jumped through the hoops without hesitation.

But I am still just not sure.

Do I say no you can meet the baby after.

Or

Yes you can come.

Or

Come in but if you piss me off your out.

I just don't know.

[This message edited by BrokenDoe at 6:52 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

BW 36
WH 36
Married 10 years less a week, together 16, friends 24
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 7 & 4DS
Separated but living together day 5. I hate my life

posts: 62   ·   registered: Jul. 10th, 2014   ·   location: Ontario
id 6899016
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StillStanding1 ( member #40144) posted at 12:56 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Do whatever brings you peace. The decision is yours. Many blessings to you and your new baby. Praying for a safe delivery and healthy baby!

Me: BS50s Him: WH50s
M 25 years - DD DS DS
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday - 2/13, S for 1 year, now R

posts: 1632   ·   registered: Aug. 1st, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6899017
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knutz ( member #28877) posted at 1:03 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

You know what? Right now you need to focus on YOU and your baby. You do what feels right in the moment. There is no right or wrong.

You can set up ground rules with him -- if you want him there for a while then he stays. The moment you say "go" - he goes. Have a code word so that he AND the staff know what it means. Have him stay at your head if you want.

YOU call the shots. Just try to focus on what is happening NOW -- not the past and not the future. Not today, sweetie. There will be plenty of time to sort through this stuff later.

I am praying for a safe and as little-as-possible-pain labor.

Together 23 years
Married 20 Years
BW (me) 48
FWH: 49 (rSA)
2 children, 9 & 12
DDay: December 27, 2009
"Life is not what it is supposed to be. It is what it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference". Virginia Satir

posts: 265   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2010   ·   location: New England
id 6899023
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MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 2:32 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

I agree with the others that you do what makes you most comfortable.

posts: 54450   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2007
id 6899116
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nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 2:58 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

You do whatever the HELL you want and if that changes minute by minute he damn well better do it.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman

posts: 5796   ·   registered: Aug. 13th, 2013
id 6899142
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Landoes ( member #40222) posted at 3:00 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Like others have said, do whatever you feel is right. I, too, found out about the A during her pregnancy. It's certainly very emotional, and you might say things you regret later. I know I did.

Congrats on your new family member!

posts: 75   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2013
id 6899145
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 BrokenDoe (original poster member #44077) posted at 3:18 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Well things seem to have slowed down tonight. So I guess I get some more time to think about it.

BW 36
WH 36
Married 10 years less a week, together 16, friends 24
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 7 & 4DS
Separated but living together day 5. I hate my life

posts: 62   ·   registered: Jul. 10th, 2014   ·   location: Ontario
id 6899172
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hopefulmom44 ( member #44136) posted at 3:19 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Congratulations! Please focus on you and baby. If you think he will be a distraction, then leave him out.

posts: 106   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2014
id 6899174
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BtraydWife ( member #42581) posted at 3:49 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Go with whatever your gut says, you can always change your mind.

Hang in there mama.

Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010

posts: 5437   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 6899197
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Rubix ( member #44099) posted at 6:39 AM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Do what's right for you honey. If he is going to stress you out simply by being there then let him wait till after. If you want him there as support then go ahead. Congratulations :). Let us know when little one is here :).

BS:(28)WS:(32-RemorsefulHubby)
kids:mine:DD 8 ours:DS 2
Married: 24/04/2014. Seperated.
Dday: 13/6/14 CL ads, ONS,
10/2014 CL ads and possible EA

posts: 703   ·   registered: Jul. 12th, 2014   ·   location: UK
id 6899354
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deena04 ( member #41741) posted at 1:36 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

My hopes are you are holding that little one and my post it too late. Do what you need to do! Easy delivery vibes and best wishes!!

Me FBS 40s, Him XWS older than me (lovemywife4ever), D, He cheated before M, forgot to tell me. I’m free and loving life.

posts: 3352   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2013   ·   location: Midwest
id 6899521
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RomanticInnocenc ( member #43041) posted at 1:43 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Oh I hope baby doe has already arrived! If not, just do what feels right in the moment. Don't worry about his feelings, if he was so concerned about being in the room then maybe he should have thought about that before!

Good luck, I hope it goes well!

((Brokendoe))

Me: BS 34 WH: 32 (theseseatsRtaken)
DS1: 3 DS2: 1 DS3: 2 months
T 13 years, M 5
DD1: 8/1/2014 DD2: 10/1/2014
"Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of you!" H. Jackson Brown

posts: 819   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2014   ·   location: Australia
id 6899531
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Delilah169 ( member #43689) posted at 4:17 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

(((BrokenDoe)))

I'm assuming the baby has come - congratulations! I hope it all went well for you.

I don't know what decision you finally made, I hope it was whatever YOU needed and made you comfortable.

Many prayers for you and your new baby. I know with all my heart this miracle will grow up in a home filled with joy and love, no matter what happens in the future.

Me - BS, Him - WS
Her - POS WB Fake Friend
Married - 22 Years, together 25
One 22 yo DD
DD - 4/28/13, TT for over a year
Doing well with R
"Life might be a little simpler if we just got over it"
"It all seems so clear in hindsight"

posts: 123   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2014
id 6899712
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 BrokenDoe (original poster member #44077) posted at 4:21 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

Nope labour has stalled grr?!?

So just very uncomfortable and waiting at home again now.

BW 36
WH 36
Married 10 years less a week, together 16, friends 24
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 7 & 4DS
Separated but living together day 5. I hate my life

posts: 62   ·   registered: Jul. 10th, 2014   ·   location: Ontario
id 6899722
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steppingup ( member #42650) posted at 4:33 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

I know you are cautious about this, but if they baby is both your's and his, then of course once the delivery is done and you are comfortable, invite him in. However, IMHO you do not owe him the chance to see the delivery. Might actually be a good lesson for him to "miss out" on magical moments that only come once.

edits - oh I should have added. "May God richly bless you and this precious child all the days of your life" Step.

[This message edited by steppingup at 10:35 AM, August 6th (Wednesday)]

posts: 1923   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: New York
id 6899744
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CB217 ( new member #44245) posted at 4:44 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

So sorry you are going through this. I just had my baby girl 12 days ago & found out in May my H was cheating with coworkers. I was sick the first 7 months of my pregnancy & heartbroken for the last 2, and I'm still dealing with so much emotional turmoil that I feel like it's taken away from the enjoyment and bonding I should be focused on.

I let my H in the delivery room because I felt like I needed his support. Really I just held his hand. I was scared of getting emotional with him there, but everything turned out fine. Easy delivery, healthy baby, and no breakdown.

Think about what you need during your labor and trust yourself. There's no right or wrong way if it's how you want it. Sending you prayers and support

posts: 29   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2014
id 6899759
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 4:49 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

(((BD)))

Do what feels right for you. Don't worry what anyone else says or thinks. They aren't in your shoes, and don't know.

BTW, I walked around at 3 cm and fully effaced for 3 weeks. My recommendation to you is to be as active as you can. Your little one will come when they are ready, and not before.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6899766
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devasted30 ( member #39439) posted at 5:07 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

So now it's my turn to put in my 2 cents.

Call me the Devil's advocate if you need to, but, think very carefully about this. You can never take it back. It is so hard to do the right thing, but in the end, you must do what works best for you. Just make sure that if you ban him from the delivery room that it is for the right reasons and not a form of revenge. I know it's so much easier said then done, but show him why he loved you in the first place. Show him what an a$$hole he has been. Show him that you are worth fighting for. That you are a prize and he should be humbled and ashamed. If you can do that, great. If you can't do it; if it will make it too hard on you, so be it. His actions have brought this on himself. Just remember whatever you do, you will have to live with it. I am a great believer in two wrongs never making a right. But, I also believe in the karma bus too. I understand that he doesn't deserve any special treatment, but they never think of all the consequences when they do their stupid cheating.

I hope things go well for you. No matter what happens, try to enjoy the birth of your baby. Life is so precious.

t/j Please everyone, no 2x4's for me. I am on BrokenDoe's side but felt that it should be stated. Someone has to do the hard stuff sometimes.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

posts: 1944   ·   registered: Jun. 4th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6899803
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Alonelyagain ( member #32820) posted at 6:20 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

I'm a BH, but have a different slant for you to consider: was your WH present for the birth of your other 2 children? If so, what will your response be, if you R, to your 3d child finding out that WH was present for those earlier births, but not for his/hers.

posts: 416   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2011   ·   location: New Jersey
id 6899930
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 BrokenDoe (original poster member #44077) posted at 7:15 PM on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014

I only have one other child but I see what you mean.

BW 36
WH 36
Married 10 years less a week, together 16, friends 24
DDay July 2 2014
Children DD 7 & 4DS
Separated but living together day 5. I hate my life

posts: 62   ·   registered: Jul. 10th, 2014   ·   location: Ontario
id 6900030
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