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soccermom9 posted 8/5/2014 20:02 PM

My 19 year old daughter has admitted to me during this terrible time that my WH (her stepdad) had made her feel uncomfortable. I tried to drill into it more and she said no touch just looks and coming into her room to ask goofy questions. I confronted WH and he says he had inappropriate thoughts and nothing more. I just want to puke and have soooo much anger!! How do I deal with this in addition to the admission of infediltity!

HurtingandLost posted 8/5/2014 20:04 PM

Get that pervert out of your home, for your kids and your sake. That's disgusting.

TheIrishGirl posted 8/5/2014 20:06 PM

I'm so sorry. That's unimaginable. Both for you and her. But it speaks volumes to your relationship with your daughter that she was able to tell you this. Are you/she/he all in counseling? Are you comfortable with the three of you living under one roof?

annb posted 8/5/2014 20:07 PM

This information would sicken me as well.

If I had a daughter, there's no way in hell I'd continue to live with someone who had inappropriate thoughts, behaviors. My first obligation is to protet my child. No way would I allow him to be alone with her...ever.

I am so sorry, I don't know what to say, but I'd be placing his shit in Hefty bags right about now. He has some serious issues that need to be addressed.

caspers1wish posted 8/5/2014 20:10 PM

That is called covert sexual abuse.

I would get him out of your home, that's totally unacceptable.

It was very brave of your daughter to tell you.

Do not do as my mother did by rewarding my honesty by doing nothing and letting the abuse escalate.

Hugs and support.

Dark Inertia posted 8/5/2014 20:29 PM

This would call off reconciliation for me.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 8:29 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

soccermom9 posted 8/5/2014 20:29 PM

Thank you! She is at college and not under the roof thankfully. We are all in counseling and we are in a large home and steering clear of each other for the time being!

SeeingRed posted 8/5/2014 20:38 PM

You don't even have a choice now. Your daughter has told you of the abuse and he's admitted it, if you stay with him now your daughter will think you chose him over her forever.
I'm sorry.

h0peless posted 8/5/2014 20:49 PM

You need to get him out of your life as quickly as possible. What a sick fuck.

lovesobroken posted 8/5/2014 20:59 PM

That's sickening. I'd definitely call it quits.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 8/5/2014 21:14 PM

I'm really sorry soccermom9. What a huge amount to process!

The thing is, he said it "was just inappropriate thoughts and nothing more". Not really. He actually has gone further by going into her room, and also by his "looks" (and body language obviously if your daughter noticed) toward your daughter, and him asking "goofy questions" to her.

I'd say it was going farther than "thoughts".

cantgetup posted 8/5/2014 22:28 PM

I wouldn't have condoned it (none of us would) but he didn't even try to lie, minimize or anything?? Just blurted out that he has inappropriate thoughts of your daughter???After she told you he creeped her out?? You can't get much more of a heads up than that. Now it's your job to act on it. Even is she is away at college. That's not the point. That's bold and brazen. If not her, he'll move on to someone else (if he already hasn't). That's some sick stuff right there. I might even consider documenting this by way of some official report. I wouldn't want this on me knowing what he is capable of and not doing anything about it only to find out there future victims.

Nature_Girl posted 8/5/2014 23:14 PM

He has to go, not just for your DD's sake but for your own as well. I don't know how you could possibly reconcile with him knowing that he had ever allowed himself to be sexually stimulated by your DD so much that he actually went into her room. Well, at least that would do it for me, that's for sure. I would kick him out of the house immediately.

SpecialK posted 8/6/2014 11:28 AM

Obviously you aren't sickened enough to boot his sorry butt out! So what if she is currently in school and "out of the house" what you are saying by staying with this pervert is, you place him above her, and you are okay with it. How will you have a viable relationship with her from this point on? She will probably never come home again, and who would blame her?

What are you going to do if you have grandchildren, friends with young daughters etc.... Lock him up? Really, do you want to live with someone like this?

Lalagirl posted 8/6/2014 13:00 PM


I'm sorry, but I'm with the other posters. Buh-bye to your WH. DD is your flesh and blood and it is your duty to protect her - home or away. She trusted you to tell you what happened. Please act on it and do the right thing.

God, this is horrible. Kicking him out gets him away from your DD, but not from other unknowing victims. People like this don't just pick one child and stop.


confused615 posted 8/6/2014 13:14 PM

I have a 20 year old daughter, who is away at college most of the time,and home with us on vacations. She was 16on dday.

Because WH was contacting girls in their early 20's on CL, I had to ask her if she had ever felt uncomfortable with him. She was adamant that he had never made her feel weird. I told her if there was ever a time that that changed, to tell me. I would leave him. No questions asked. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Your duty as a mother is to.protect your children. This pervert is having sexual thoughts about your child. His asking goofy questions is him flirting with her...your child.

This would be it for me. Absolutely unacceptable.

soccermom9 posted 8/6/2014 18:17 PM

You are all right ! Talked to pastor and ending things asap!

OK now posted 8/6/2014 20:45 PM

he says he had inappropriate thoughts and nothing more.

What a strange admission. Did he really think it was OK to admit to lustful thoughts concerning his stepdaughter?
He didn't have to make that statement, since he was not guilty of inappropriate behavior in any physical sense. He talked himself into the divorce court.

You will be well rid of this joke of a father; who apparently doesn't know the meaning of the phrase parental responsibility.

AmberDust posted 8/7/2014 03:25 AM

I am glad you took your daughter's story seriously and started investigating. When I was a (pre)teen there was a cousin that couldn't keep his hands off of me. I told my mom and told her again but she never really took action. Many years later I reminded her and she apologized and I am glad she did, but it would have been better if she had backed me at the time it happened.

Ostrich80 posted 8/7/2014 03:42 AM

I'm so sorry soccermom. Im going to.have to agree with the have grandchildren one day in addition to the uncomfortable feelings your daughter has around him. If you don't mind my asking, at what age did he become her stepfather? I'm just heartsick for you...just shocking to find this out I'm sure.

I have to say this though. Know that you must be an incredible mom for your DD to feel comfortable telling you..

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 3:44 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]

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