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I have obsessed on and off about confronting OW for more than a year. What I would say changes all the time, certainly I have changed over time. the thing is....although she was certainly the catalyst -- she was not the reason. Not the problem. HE was married to Me. She is no one, really. He would have found another and never truly felt bad (enough). She just didn't want him - not totally. Wanted her husband, as best as I can surmise. HIm, I know I should tell, but I never ever want anyone to feel a fraction of how horrible I felt when I found out. So I hang back...

I would also like to confront the OP but I found out several years after the fact and my wife had it dead a buried. One big problem for me is the guy lives a mile away. it would be so easy to blow his life up and let him deal with his life and family being turned upside down. We are working on recovery. I was so pissed early on and my wife said she would support whatever I felt I needed to do. I think that was enough for me (that she would accept the mess she made). I never did and when I think about doing it I let it go. Whats in it for me but a bunch of bullshit. I am through with bullshit

A week after dday, had him over at my parents cause ww and i were doing a trail separation before i had found out i told him i wouldn't be violent, had sympathy for his f'd up life and that i wanted him to stay away from my wife, house, and child. didn't say much, but the 2 of them were incredulous that i brought up his past, and wanted NC.

I want to confront him again. I REAALLY do. but since the D papers haven't been served yet, i've been told to ignore the two of them. unstable people do unstable things. I want to put pressure on the A, but i feel rushed into filing for DD sake. Has confrontations negatively affected anyone D wise?

Call me naive or optimistic but i still hold out for R, even when she screams (symbolically) how much she wants out. probably cD...

Confronting the OP is completely pointless. Your energy would be better spent flossing your teeth or washing a fork by hand or something equally mundane. They have already demonstrated that they don't give a shit about you and that they regard you as less than human by messing around with your spouse or significant other, so I don't see why they deserve any more regard than an old, dried out piece of dog poop by the side of the road. It may be worth side-stepping to avoid getting on your shoe, but it would certainly be a waste of time to try to talk to it.