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Newest Member: ChrissyMc (61787)

User Topic: Moving halfway across the world tomorrow
♀ 40861
Member # 40861
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey everyone,

Thank you again for your support.

This has been a stressful time for us. Tomorrow, we are moving halfway across the world (From the Far East to the Home of The Queen and Her Corgis) to get Master's degrees. I am both very excited and incredibly nervous. R has been going well. But nervous about how this huge life change (both of us going back to school, meeting so many like-minded people, etc) will affect our relationship...

Also getting nervous about "reverse culture shock." I actually didn't experience any culture shock when I came here from my hometown, but starting to think it's going to affect me the other way. I like it here, and I am excited to come back after a year of studying (the plan, if we finish our degrees in one piece).

Does anyone have an experience with a huge life change (moving to a completely different country, changing careers simultaneously) like this? Any advice on how to deal would be great. I think I'm more stressed than I feel at the moment.

Thank you.

edit: spelling.

[This message edited by theansweris42 at 10:25 PM, August 5th (Tuesday)]

Posts: 32 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Across the pond.
♀ 34770
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, sorry. I have no experience with that kind of huge life change, but I just wanted to wish you all the best in your exciting adventure.

Good luck!

Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 1383 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 40861
Member # 40861
Default  Posted: 1:25 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, FightingBack!

Posts: 32 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Across the pond.
♀ 39803
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am always more stressed than I feel, so try to take care of yourself and remember what a big thing you are doing when you are upset and don't know why.

It sounds like an exciting time, with room for growth for both of you. Try not to be distracted by all the "newness" and remember to feed your relationship. Also, have a blast. Doing adventurous things together has to be good for your relationship!

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 3521 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck; maybe this move could be a fresh start for you guys. Sometimes although change is scary, it can be good.

Me FBS around 40
Him FWS early 40s (lovemywife4ever)
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me
"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last" - MLK Jr

Posts: 2224 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
Member # 41986
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ive made moves like this several times in my life.

one important thing is to "stop" comparing whats different when you get there and whats better/worse. just accept its different. many get trapped into this and somehow manage to never be happy, no matter where they are, with where they are.

also, try to keep the best habits you learned where you were but be open to new ones where you go.

try to avoid associating with groups of ex-patriots. make friends who are locals. they will enrich your life.

me - bh
her - lara01

from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA

??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys

Posts: 1820 | Registered: Jan 2014
♂ 14866
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've got some good advice. I have only had to do short term (3 week stints) assignments on the opposite side of the world so my experience doesn't lend well to spending a long term. Anywho, I wanted to pass on congratulations for going to get your Master's and wish you luck in this adventure.

Posts: 54405 | Registered: Jun 2007
♀ 43745
Member # 43745
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi theansweris42
My H and I met while we were both working in SE Asian country. That place became very very special to us. The situ that lead up to his A was that he changed job due to layoff, and went to a European venue. Okay so different than your situ in that you both are going to Brit venue together, but I wanted to share this about what I saw as a trigger for stresses that lead the way to A's:

The expat community that you may associate with is colourfull and interesting -- but the community is also populated by an amazing number of a$$holes who are living the life and doing the dirty because there is a culture of "geographical separation" which is celebrated and used as an excuse to cheat ( and UN and NGO people, I am *so* looking at you when I say this ).

I'm not exaggerating this; I have seen this for years, watched my friends suffer in their own relationships when they were hit by it, and now am here because my M got hit by it.

Yes, have friends among the expat community but fine tune your radar, because there will be predators who are exceptionally well versed in the art of "friends with benefits" and offers of a shoulder to cry on if culture shock affects former WS. You both will be experiencing big big changes with living situ and career changes -- so recognise that THIS is the time when you especially have to lean in to each other, and that comfort from *any* outside source just isn't acceptable in your R.

Having said all this, I also want to congratulate you both to be making big changes, and my fondest wish is that this is a blank canvas for your R. Be excited, savour the experience, and love each other like you are each the only person the other has -- which is true.

ME: 60 BW
HIM: 59 EA & PA, ten months (madboomer)
Married: December 24th, 2013; he started the A in the months before wedding
D/Day: June 3rd 2014 (karma bus ran them over on OW birthday); NC June 4th 2014
Just sad all of the time

Posts: 414 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Aotearoa
Topic Posts: 8

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