Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
- Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: WorkingOnHealing (49853)

User Topic: I know it's my own fault
♀ 43630
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything I'm feeling is my own fault because I've not done what needs doing. But last night ended up talking about Christmas (I know,it's early but WH prepares early). I've been told OW (SS mum) is to be allowed in to house so she can see him on Christmas Day. We will possibly go for a walk.

I feel sick already.

Because he denies ever having done anything wrong he thinks it's ok.

Just needed to vent.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Jun 2014
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was the child conceived during an A or was he having an A with his ex, mother of the ss? Do you have a say in this or is he
expecting you to agree. I would not allow ow in my house. Why can't she see ss at a different location? Sorry so many questions but I'm not familiar with your story. I just know, no AP should be allowed in a bs home...ever, unless of course bs is ok with it.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5725 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 43630
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SS is from WH previous marriage. In march 2013 I found sexually explicit texts between WH and his ex wife. On about 4 more occasions between then and now. In January this year I told WH there was to be no contact between the two if them that I was not told about. Found evidence of contact on his work phone in June. Don't know the type of contact.

WH states that he participated in the texting as he is scared of her. I look at my situation and know I should do something and be strong but I just don't seem to do it.

In June I walked out (for a whole night) but went back. There had been alcohol consumed and WH had issues with me confiding in my best friend. I should be talking to him.

I am angry all the time. SS is at his mothers this week. He says he doesn't like going but has to as he is scared of her too. Well, I'm not scared of her. I want to hurt her. Don't get me wrong, I know WH is to blame also but she risks hurting her son (again) with her behaviour.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ 30853
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I read your profile and see that he's been carrying on an EA at the very least with his ex. You've confronted, he promises to change, and then more evidence surfaces. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I'm sorry this is all happening. I can't imagine how hard it must be having the OW be the ex and the mom to one of his kids. There's no way he can cut off total contact since they share a child.

At the same time, he appears to be a disrespectful, unremorseful ass who is hell bent on continuing his A and ruining Christmas already.

The only advice I can give is that this stops when you say so. When you've had enough of his bullshit and him using his poor boy as a reason to continue his A and flaunt it right in front of your face, you will put an end to it. I understand the desire to not hurt SS, but you didn't create this situation. You are not the cause of the pain. You can't be expected to sacrifice yourself and your dignity to try and shelter SS from any more hurt. He unfortunately has fucked up parents who have no idea how to put him first. If you continue to want to serve as the buffer between him and his parents, you will undoubtedly harm yourself.

BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 3269 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 43630
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 4:20 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My head knows what needs doing. The rest of me is too pathetic.

I can see everything wrong but somehow I don't fix it. I don't know why not.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Jun 2014
♀ 41741
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They can meet somewhere else to allow SS visitation. Your home is your safe zone; don't let it become anything less than that. Hold your ground!

Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS early 40s (lovemywife4ever)
He cheated before M, forgot to tell me, D
"Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last" - MLK Jr

Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 42581
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree and wouldn't back down. He must have lost his fucking mind if he thinks that whore has any right to be in your home. He is so far off with this it's mind blowing.

No, she's not welcome in your home. Period.

When he says this imagine him asking you if he could continue his affair with her in your home, in front of you, because that's essentially what he's saying.

Who cares if he plans to leave for a walk with you. He is putting his whore's needs before yours. Don't let him tell you it's for his son because it's not. Your ss doesn't spend his time with his mother at your house. He doesn't need to spend xmas with her there either.

Your ss might be afraid of her but your WH is not. Don't believe that shit. That is NOT why he had an affair with her.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 7:55 AM, August 6th (Wednesday)]

DD-March 2010
Unremorseful for 3.5 years
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.

Posts: 4534 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so she can see him on Christmas Day

OK - you tell you WH that exw/OW is NOT coming in YOUR home and ruining YOUR Christmas. Your SS can go to his mother's for a few hours, like every other kid on the planet with divorced parents. You and your WH will drive him there, and in 4 hours you will both go back and pick him up.

She is the EXw. She does NOT have a place in his Christmas anymore. She has crossed a line, as has your WH, and you are under NO obligation to let her into your home, and you shouldn't be forced to leave your own home on Christmas day.

Your WH needs his head examined. I know you're hurting, but I would make this very clear to him, and then start the 180 for you.

Regarding the pathetic story about him texting because he is afraid of her? Why? He already has custody. What the hell is he afraid of? She's gone - the courts have decided. There's nothing left to be afraid of. He liked her still wanting him, and he's done it time and again. He's not respecting your marriage or your feelings.You really need to start respecting them. If you don't he never will.

DDay - 12/2010
Fully R'd - I love my husband

Posts: 2246 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ 43630
Member # 43630
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Painfulpast - SS has only lived with us for last 3 years. His mother cheated on her second husband and when he left her SS said he was coming to live with us. It was literally overnight. Until then my WH had only been allowed to see son for an hour at her house on Xmas day. When SS came to us he reversed that. The first year was ok as I didn't know anything. Last year was awful. Her phone kept going off and so did WH. So you can imagine what I was thinking. I ended up in the bathroom in tears.

It is always pointed out to me that I change when she comes to the door to pick SS up. How I'm expected to control the hurt I honestly don't know.

I have sort of attempted the 180. I have definitely withdrawn from him physically (quite difficult for me as I am an affectionate person). He definitely noticed the last time. I don't text him first anymore during the day. I didn't even argue with him last night about the issue. I kind if withdrew into myself because I would have ended up yelling. I did tell him what I thought but then left it as he justified himself.

I don't apologise if we argue. I always used to be the one to make peace. I can't do it.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Jun 2014
Topic Posts: 9

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
© 2002 - 2015 All Rights Reserved.