Anyway, about 14 day post DD. Was extremely strong and following 180 for 13 days. Lost it and was beggy, whiny and pleady (the divorce dwarves) for one day. Over that now, I hope. WH has made it clear he wants to be with OW.
Visited first divorce lawyer today, just to see what I needed to do to protect myself and am just in shock. In this country today, it doesn't matter what you do, you can cheat with 400 woman and it doesn't matter. You still get half of everything. Including my pension. I do have some cards to play, the adultery, that I am a dependent spouse now (which I wasn't for 16 of 17 years of being together), but still.
This is the no-fault divorce, which is the case in most states. I think this is wrong. Of course, if I was a no good, cheating, lying spouse, I would think it was great.
I hope it doesn't come to this. But the decent man I married is gone and I don't know what to expect.
Thanks for checking in.
So yes, definitely play the dependent card. WH would do the same if he was in your position. No question about it. I'm living it.
This stuff is hard. Get ready for the marathon.
I've run several marathons, including one that I didn't run for 6 months prior (or walk for two weeks after). I would say the difference between being betrayed (including the aftermath), and the marathon is that the marathon actually stopped hurting while it was happening, and the wounds and pain were gone in two weeks. I still hurt sometimes from my first go around in this place.
It most definitely seems to be a marathon. Really, really, trying to come to terms with what my life has become. I struggle with the fact that someone else is in control and his actions are determining what I do and feel.
But the truth is, most of are here because of what someone else did. The challenge is to turn it into something that will give us peace in the end.
Positive thoughts to all of us!
6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay
It may have helped that I did EMDR therapy. Your life gets shattered by this kind of thing, which is very traumatic, and EMDR therapy deals with trauma quite well (and there is at least one other therapy type for trauma if you don't like EMDR or it doesn't work for you).
You did the right thing in seeing an attorney. Good for you! It sounds to me like you got the standard no-fault divorce "speech" from the attorney. I got the same speech myself on the first visit. But I do think the dependent issue is in your favor, and if I recall correctly, you have a health problem that caused you to stop working? If I am right on that, this is in your favor as well.
You can survive this and you can thrive and find the peace and happiness that you deserve. Patience will be a virtue as you go through this process and it is very important that you consistently take very good care of your physical and emotional health as you move forward. Keep posting - it does help.