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This is still my first week and am still quite lost. And totally blind sided so how do I take my eyes off her? How do I continue daily life? I want to see my friends but I don't trust her to leave though. I don't want to go to my families because I can not watch her there. Is there anyway to get my mind off of this? I don't like being this guy..

None of us like it. Unfortunately it doesn't go away for a long time.

I remember being so exhausted, so tired but I couldn't fall asleep because my heart felt like it was going to pound right through my chest. I was certain I was going to have a heart attack.

Are you able to sleep? Getting enough to eat and staying hydrated?

I hadn't eaten in 3 days till WW forced me to today.. Is whiskey and energy drinks hydrating enough? And I finally crashed last night I hadn't slept at all in 5 days and WW woke me up when she got up without me asking her to.

Don't do this to yourself. I understand the need to do it, but in reality, it doesn't change anything.

If you're going to R with this person, she needs to be doing whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable so that you don't have to patrol her 24/7 to survive.

If R is not going to happen, patrolling her is irrelevant.

And no, whiskey and energy drinks do not count as hydration.

WATER, dude. It's not fancy, I know, but it's necessary. Eat something. Breathe in and out and get through each minute of each day. It will get better.

It's hard but you have to let go enough to take care of yourself first. Require Ww to account for her time. The first few days after dday was a weekend and we spent every second together. But Monday came and he had to go to work. Difference was that he stayed in touch. Sent me texts during the day to let me know he was thinking about me or that he was sorry. Let me know when he would be home and stuck to his word. Everything he did was verifiable too. When he did get home he was present- not hiding out behind a computer or something. We spent way more time together than we ever had before. It was exhausting but necessary as we reconnected. You do need to take care if yourself though. Force yourself to eat and drink water. Get some sleep. Take a walk. Do good things for you. Show her that you are hurt but that you can take care of you regardless of her poor choices. It's ok to be devastated, but you are responsible for you.

I lived off meal replacement drinks for several weeks.