Before the confession, he had just been diagnosed with Bipolar II, which, among other things, tends to increase an individual’s sex appetite during hypomanic episodes. I started researching the condition and every single article said that people with bipolar disease tend to have sexual indiscretions. When I shared this information with him he got defensive and days later the confession came. I COULD NOT believe it! I felt like he cut my chest open and ripped my heart out! I NEVER SAW IT COMING. I demanded to see his cell phone records to verify that he hadn’t been communicating with her, and he went crazy. To avoid facing the problem, he tried to commit suicide by locking himself in his vehicle on a very hot day. I called the police and they were able to find him and he ended up in the hospital; he was declared 51/50 and spent the night at a psychiatric hospital. I picked him up the following morning and I told him that I couldn’t marry him, he insisted, but I just couldn’t say yes. On the same day I called all the wedding vendors and canceled everything. And without giving my mom a reason, I asked her to tell my family members that the wedding was canceled.
We continued talking for the next couple of weeks and he was checking in with me all the time but I still couldn’t trust him (I figured he was so good at hiding this from me once, he would do it again). He ended up showing me his cell phone bills and sure enough, they had been texting (and at the very least emotionally cheating on me) the whole time him and I were together. He says that it was only texting and even confessed to flirting but that the last time he saw her was when he cheated on me a year ago. He claims that she texted him to know how he was doing and almost always asked him if he was still in a relationship (with me). He also said that she was out of a job and texted him for work references. I just don’t believe him. I can’t believe a word he says anymore. How can he say ‘I love you’ and turn around and stab me for the entire length of our relationship? Then the ‘coup de grace” is to drop the news to me three weeks before we get married? After everything blew up, everyone in his side (family and friends) were consoling him and were focused on his attempted suicide…No one bothered to think about how I was feeling. His brother even cautioned him and told him to be careful with my jealousy and questioned his decision to stay with me. I was appalled! HOLD ON, What????? I didn’t do anything here! I wasn’t the one that cheated! All of a sudden I get the “jealous” label because I asked to see the phone records??? The whole reason why I didn’t find out about all this bullshit before is because I WAS NOT JEALOUS, I trusted him- too much. I thought that if anyone had to be questioned about staying in the relationship that would be ME not him!
Needless to say I felt alone, nobody seem to care about me, he wasn’t validating my feelings, he didn’t seem remorseful and there was a cold air in him that I just couldn’t help not to notice. Last week we went to counseling session and the therapist reiterated everything that I had been telling him and aahhhh….a neutral person finally validated my feelings and I felt relieved. I ended our relationship the next day. I just can’t stay, I can’t. I was already sacrificing a lot by accepting to deal with his depression AND possibly having a bipolar child like him-since the bipolar gene runs in his family. I could deal with a lot but I just can’t get myself to deal with infidelity, that, I WILL NOT accept. Bipolar disease=infidelity so the thought of having to constantly check on him to make sure that he is not cheating would be a complete torture! Plus he is a very bright man, I am sure his condition had something to do with what he did but he is not an idiot, he knows the difference between right and wrong and for God’s sake he claims to be a Christian man! So to me if he was good enough to go fuck around, then he should be good enough to face the consequences. I also think it was wrong for people to be babying him because I just don’t believe that the ‘bipolar card/depression’ should be used as a scapegoat to get away with bullshit.
You called him a very bright man. Well, I think you are a very bright woman.
Of course I still love him....But I love myself more.
"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.
I'm sorry he didn't value your relationship they way you did. I understand you are feelong pain, especially today. You did the right thing. Marrying that guy, with his f'd up family, was only going to bring you a lifetime of the pain you are feeling now. Nobody needs that. You deserve to be loved.
Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.
Now detach entirely if you haven't already. You really have nothing to discuss with him.
[This message edited by Schadenfreude at 1:02 PM, August 8th (Friday)]