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Help! Options for Dealing with Ashley Madison Profile

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MakingMyFuture posted 8/7/2014 09:56 AM

We are in "R". I found a Profile on Ashley Madison that is either my WH or AP acting as a Bunny Boiler using a picture he sent her during A . The profile has a partial face picture-- enough that there is no doubt to me that it is him but no way to prove it 100%.

It is posted to town 20 minutes from us, physical description is off, likes/dislikes are about 80% accurate. I freaked out and already confronted WH who denies 100% so there is no way to to 'trap' person on profile if it is him. It could absolutely be WH and I could end up forgiving/getting past it and go down in history as most f'ing gullible person ever. Or it could be AP and her posting as revenge could end up breaking us up when we finally have a chance of making it.

So now what? What are our options for forcing the company to provide registration IP address, credit card used, email account, registration date, etc. Do we have WH contacts company and say it's his picture? Hire an attorney to force company to disclose or a Forensic Investigator to do the same?

WH already knows I have full access to our computers and all I will not find anything there.

Just want to know what my options are and where I could possibly go from here

Kajem posted 8/7/2014 10:54 AM

Is there a way to trace the picture like an IP address? If you could prove to Ashley Madison that your WH owns the pic and did not give permission for its use, you might get it taken down.

Where will the emails get sent to?

I think I would answer and see what happens, if it goes to your WH - and he didn't put up the profile ??? I'd be suspicious. If it goes to ow and she answers then I'd involve attorneys. For stealing identity theft and harrassment.

Good luck!

solus sto posted 8/7/2014 11:19 AM

Your last dday is very recent. Given the history, is very premature, IMO, to take your WH's word and start scurrying to compel others to provide IP information, etc.

I think I'd be more inclined to tell my husband that things still aren't adding up, that I'm not comfortable with the degree of "truth" I've been given, and that I'm not going to knock myself out doing his work, vis-a-vis regaining trust.

I don't think most people are fully honest in their AM profiles. I don't think most WSs are fully honest with their BSs post dday.

I would not rule out that the profile was created by your husband. Occam's razor, all all that. It's not a given, of course. But it's not your job to prove that. It's his.

I'd likely suggest to him that one way to do so is via polygraph.

[This message edited by solus sto at 11:21 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]

million tears posted 8/7/2014 11:33 AM

Do you have access to his email? You could keep an eye out for any emails from AM. Someone signed up for AM using my email address and I got all kinds of emails from them.

10yearsafter posted 8/7/2014 12:10 PM

Lie Detector.

20WrongsVs1 posted 8/7/2014 12:54 PM

If AP did this, I can virtually guarantee it's a pathetic attempt to get WH's attention. Wanna find out? Set up a fake Yahoo email address. Then sign up on AM as a woman, which is free, using that email address. Send a message to this profile saying, "Jane? Is that you? I miss you. Email me at"

This won't prove WH's guilt or innocence, but if it is actually AP, I doubt she'll resist taking the bait.

AM is a multi-million-dollar company with a cadre of lawyers, and I highly doubt they can be compelled to disclose anything, short of a court order.

MakingMyFuture posted 8/7/2014 14:24 PM

I completely understand there is a 75% chance that it is my WH. My problem is, there are a few things that make me think it is AP, and I literally cannot afford to be wrong.

1. The photo of him is 'reversed' (left side of face is now right etc) which I don't think someone would think to do, but I've seen happen with pictures I've restored off of a phone.

2. APs BH found out that old cyber A was actually PA from me just a few weeks ago, and also found out she had broken NC and been in contact with my WH until this April.

3. Last login from the profile indicates a time that would be very difficult (but not completely impossible) to be him.

So I really want to spend whatever money is necessary or employ any resources necessary to find out the definitive answer (or as close to it as I can get) I absolutely can't stay with him if he did this. I also can't stand the idea of getting a D if it was AP, and outside of emotions, a D would be extremely expensive for me (I would end up having to pay him even for shared custody, and also would be responsible for spousal support if he wanted it).

solus sto posted 8/7/2014 14:29 PM

You say you are in R--which is wonderful. But what makes it different, this time? The things that make this a real R are what you need to tap into to get past this together, as a couple.

Even if you've got everything in place: transparency, IC, MC, remorse, empathy, etc., etc., etc., you are JUST out of the starting gate. It is not reasonable to expect you to believe that this was not an account created by your WH.

You found this account. It was not volunteered--which may mean it was not created by your husband. But it's far likelier that it was---and that he either forgot to delete it, stopped using it (and genuinely forgot it), or was hiding it from you.

And the only person who knows the answer is your husband.

He's denying. Because you're working to R, you want to believe him. That's good, really. It's good that you still retain a remnant of the Truth Bias; it gives you something to build on.

It also offers a terrific opportunity for your WH to put his money where his mouth is, step up to the plate, and move heaven and earth to prove HIS honesty--or, if necessary, accepting responsibility, giving you access to the account so you can see the communications it holds, and deleting it in your presence.

If he continues to deny that this is an account he created, I'd want a poly, given the history.

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