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Why can't I just walk away?

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ThrownAwayTwice posted 8/7/2014 11:20 AM

For the last month or two WH and I have been discussing R. Well, a bit more that just discussing... I guess I would have to call it dating. We live separately, and don't see each other every day, but go out to festivals and dinners etc. Last night he came over and we were watching a movie and having a couple drinks. He kept texting, I thought it was his friend... But at one point he pulled me in to cuddle I saw her name in his conversation history. Above mine from twenty minutes before when he sent me a silly picture. He was sitting next to me, holding my hand and texting that skank.
I got upset, but figured that since we had been drinking it was a bad time to talk about it. So I just went to bed. This morning I woke up obsessing about the broken NC. Likely it was never really NC. We argued, and he says that he doesn't talk to her normally, but not because of me. That he hates the way it makes him feel.
How the hell am I supposed to take that other than "your feelings are irrelevant". Is there anything that my angry brain is missing?
It feels like this is when I should call it quits, go back to 180 NC. Ride out the rest of the separation and file for divorce when the mandatory year is up. But part of me still wants to find a way to work it out. Does that ever go away?

tushnurse posted 8/7/2014 11:55 AM

I'm not sure why you can't just walk away.
Is it fear of being alone?
You gave him a chance, and he had the balls to text her while being with you, he wasn't even attempting to hide it?

Do you really deserve to be a choice, or shared? I don't think so.

Read up on 180, and do not give him the opportunity to manipulate you again. Actions not words. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is noise. The stuff he does, that's where the real proof of character is, and he has NONE.

HighlandPaddy posted 8/7/2014 12:33 PM

You haven't just walked away because you are a good person with alot of love in your heart, in spite of the pain that has been inflicted upon you.
There's a bond that you and your husband have that is making you unwilling to just give up.
You have to give yourself and your marriage the chance to recover from this, and that is exactly what you are doing.
Keep your head up, and your eyes open. The only way out of this mess is through it.

Pass posted 8/7/2014 15:37 PM

How the hell am I supposed to take that other than "your feelings are irrelevant". Is there anything that my angry brain is missing?

Nope, you're not missing anything. That's exactly what he's telling you. He is enjoying having two women. All those days that you don't see him, you can guess who he's with.

HurtingandLost posted 8/7/2014 15:42 PM

Don't walk away. RUN.

Ostrich80 posted 8/7/2014 16:04 PM

If he texted ow while sitting next and trying to R with you, then I don't see how this will work unless your willing to sit and wait for his A to burn out. Love was mentioned above, yes you may love him but that doesn't mean you subject yourself to his repeated betrayal. When your ws that is extremely difficult to walk away but you do it because you love and value yourself. Unless you want an open M because that's what he's doing, your just not. I'm not one that believes love prevails and fixes everything because love can get you in a mess if the one you love isn't treating you the way you treat them. I'm really sorry but he's got some big balls to text that woman while with you.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 4:05 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]

ThrownAwayTwice posted 8/7/2014 16:13 PM

She left him a month or two ago. I read at least a couple of msg's. It doesn't seem like she is interested at all. She was monosylabic.
The thing that gets me is his response to me getting upset to see her in his text history at all. He agreed to NC. But now my feelings are irrelevant.
ETA: I was already concerned that I was plan B. Kind of looks like I was right to be concerned

[This message edited by ThrownAwayTwice at 4:18 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]

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