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General :
Why can't I just walk away?

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 ThrownAwayTwice (original poster member #43226) posted at 5:20 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014

For the last month or two WH and I have been discussing R. Well, a bit more that just discussing... I guess I would have to call it dating. We live separately, and don't see each other every day, but go out to festivals and dinners etc. Last night he came over and we were watching a movie and having a couple drinks. He kept texting, I thought it was his friend... But at one point he pulled me in to cuddle I saw her name in his conversation history. Above mine from twenty minutes before when he sent me a silly picture. He was sitting next to me, holding my hand and texting that skank.

I got upset, but figured that since we had been drinking it was a bad time to talk about it. So I just went to bed. This morning I woke up obsessing about the broken NC. Likely it was never really NC. We argued, and he says that he doesn't talk to her normally, but not because of me. That he hates the way it makes him feel.

How the hell am I supposed to take that other than "your feelings are irrelevant". Is there anything that my angry brain is missing?

It feels like this is when I should call it quits, go back to 180 NC. Ride out the rest of the separation and file for divorce when the mandatory year is up. But part of me still wants to find a way to work it out. Does that ever go away?

BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
Kintsukuroi: the art of repairing broken pottery with gold and silver laquer, and understanding that it is more beautiful for having been broken

posts: 68   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2014
id 6901297
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 5:55 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014

I'm not sure why you can't just walk away.

Is it fear of being alone?

You gave him a chance, and he had the balls to text her while being with you, he wasn't even attempting to hide it?

Do you really deserve to be a choice, or shared? I don't think so.

Read up on 180, and do not give him the opportunity to manipulate you again. Actions not words. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is noise. The stuff he does, that's where the real proof of character is, and he has NONE.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20380   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 6901347
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HighlandPaddy ( member #43930) posted at 6:33 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014

You haven't just walked away because you are a good person with alot of love in your heart, in spite of the pain that has been inflicted upon you.

There's a bond that you and your husband have that is making you unwilling to just give up.

You have to give yourself and your marriage the chance to recover from this, and that is exactly what you are doing.

Keep your head up, and your eyes open. The only way out of this mess is through it.

So live your life that fear of death can never enter your heart.

posts: 78   ·   registered: Jun. 30th, 2014   ·   location: NY
id 6901400
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Pass ( member #38122) posted at 9:37 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014

How the hell am I supposed to take that other than "your feelings are irrelevant". Is there anything that my angry brain is missing?

Nope, you're not missing anything. That's exactly what he's telling you. He is enjoying having two women. All those days that you don't see him, you can guess who he's with.

Divorced the cheater and living my best life now.

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous.

posts: 3785   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013   ·   location: Ontario, Canada
id 6901617
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HurtingandLost ( member #29322) posted at 9:42 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014

Don't walk away. RUN.

Fbh

posts: 1511   ·   registered: Aug. 16th, 2010   ·   location: WI
id 6901623
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Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 10:04 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014

If he texted ow while sitting next to.you and trying to R with you, then I don't see how this will work unless your willing to sit and wait for his A to burn out. Love was mentioned above, yes you may love him but that doesn't mean you subject yourself to his repeated betrayal. When you.love your ws that is extremely difficult to walk away but you do it because you love and value yourself. Unless you want an open M because that's what he's doing, your just not. I'm not one that believes love prevails and fixes everything because love can get you in a mess if the one you love isn't treating you the way you treat them. I'm really sorry but he's got some big balls to text that woman while with you.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 4:05 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]

BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

posts: 5738   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6901641
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 ThrownAwayTwice (original poster member #43226) posted at 10:13 PM on Thursday, August 7th, 2014

She left him a month or two ago. I read at least a couple of msg's. It doesn't seem like she is interested at all. She was monosylabic.

The thing that gets me is his response to me getting upset to see her in his text history at all. He agreed to NC. But now my feelings are irrelevant.

ETA: I was already concerned that I was plan B. Kind of looks like I was right to be concerned

[This message edited by ThrownAwayTwice at 4:18 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]

BW early 30's

Separated March 2014
Kintsukuroi: the art of repairing broken pottery with gold and silver laquer, and understanding that it is more beautiful for having been broken

posts: 68   ·   registered: Apr. 25th, 2014
id 6901653
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