Topic: I'm having a miscarriage....
Member # 39652
| Posted: 12:58 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
It's been going on since Saturday night. We hadn't planned this baby, but I can honestly say we were excited. The doctor is watching my HcG levels, and they are sloooowly dropping. I knew it was over on Saturday night, when my symptoms were lessening. It's been six days of cramps, spotting, contractions, blood work every other day, and nothing happening yet.
And at a time when I needed him to be the man he claims he is...he's failing every day .
We didn't tell anyone about the baby. We were waiting to make sure something like this didn't happen. And now that it's happening, I'm having to fake normal for my kids and friends, while I wait for it all to be over.
It's so fricking hard. I'm trying so hard to make this time about a life that's being lost. Yet I can't share this with anyone. And I hate him for failing yet again.....His lies and who he's been always seems to cloud everything.
Me: BGF (48)
Him: WBF (nogoodap1), cheater and SA
Together for 4 years.
Too many DDs to list.
Status: He says he can't deal with the restrictions of a WS, and he can't deal with how I'm damaged now, so he wants out.
Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 42558
| Posted: 1:01 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
Id reconsider why you feel you cant share this loss with anyone, or share whats going on in your life.
Can you tell a parent, family member, friend what you are going through? More women then naught have been through miscarriages and they can offer you support.
I think when we try to portray images of our lives as "perfect" to those outside ourselves, we write ourselves a lonely future.
There is nothing wrong with you that you should fee ashamed about miscarrying OR feel ashamed about your husband cheating on you.
I am so sorry you are going through this, and sorry he is not being what you need him to be.
Posts: 1280 | Registered: Feb 2014
Member # 37455
| Posted: 1:02 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I am so sorry.
Prayers and strength
BH 52, WW 43
DS 24(Mine),SD 22,SS 21(Hers),DS 10 Ours, DGS 5, DGD 2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone
Posts: 4437 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 14866
| Posted: 1:06 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.
Posts: 54358 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 29288
| Posted: 1:08 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I understand, we had not told anybody either about my pregnancy when I miscarried. It is difficult and awkward to call a friend and tell them that you are going through this. What I discovered years later is that it is a very common occurrence and many people don't talk about it. I encourage you to call a friend and give that person the chance to support you. They might even surprise you and tell you that they have been through it too. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this, on top of everything else. ((TrulySad))
Him--FWH (54)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 21 years
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!
Posts: 1654 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 42581
| Posted: 1:14 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.
I agree you should reach out to someone. Even just one person you trust.
There was a life growing and now there is not. Trying to pretend like nothing is happening is very unhealthy mentally. You have to be able to share this with someone. I'm sorry your husband can't be that person. Don't wall yourself off.
Infidelity is already so isolating. This is asking too much of yourself to act like you haven't suffered a tremendous loss.
Your hormones are going to start to wig out too. Don't be surprised if your reaction gets more extreme in the next few weeks. That's what happened with my miscarriage. I thought I was doing ok then a while later it hit me even harder.
Be kind to yourself. I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby and I'm sorry he can't be supportive of you.
He choked me. What else is there to say.
Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he can't meet them.
People change when staying the same becomes more painful than changing.
Posts: 5316 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Member # 38391
| Posted: 1:14 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry
Posts: 1143 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
Member # 43876
| Posted: 1:30 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I too went through this about 26 years ago. We had already told everyone we were PG and it was hard having to go back and tell them we weren't. I learned after that not to tell until I was about 4 months along. I did go on to have 2 great kids.
I could not even imagine having to deal with all of this crap along with a PG or a miscarriage. My sympathies are with you and hope you are taking care of yourself.
BW - 46 (me)
WH - 47
M - 29 yrs
Together - 30 yrs
2 kids - over 18
3 A's - 2000, 2012 and 6/14
In R (lots of therapy!!)
Posts: 115 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Southern US
Member # 43645
| Posted: 1:35 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I’m praying for you. Take care of yourself.
Divorce Final - 9/25/2014
"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."
Posts: 100 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
Member # 30989
| Posted: 1:52 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
(((TrulySad)))I'm so very sorry. I know how painful it is, emotionally and physically.
Please tell someone you trust. You need the support of someone you can count on.
WH (Trac-fone), 54, PD
2 kids-DD27, DS19
When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.--Viktor Frankl
Posts: 13154 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Member # 43702
| Posted: 1:54 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I'm so sorry! Please find at least one trusted person to speak with! You need support now more than ever. You have nothing to be ashamed of! My heart goes out to you...
Married 2009, together since 2003
Dday 6/10/14 multiple EA's spanning our entire relationship, 1 PA with a 24 yo.
Posts: 48 | Registered: Jun 2014
Member # 43496
| Posted: 1:56 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my first pregnancy at 12 weeks, and it was awful. Physically I didn't have to go through much- it was diagnosed at a regularly scheduled ultrasound, and I had a D&C later that week as I wasn't miscarrying on my own. At some point will they suggest a D&C? 6 days of bleeding and contracting sounds pretty awful, and if you just want it to be over with the risks with a D&C are relatively low.
I completely understand the desire for privacy at a time like this, but I found it very helpful to have people to talk to about it. I'm now very open with both my miscarriage and fertility struggles. That are horrible things to experience, and for me part of the awfulness was the surrounding silence.
Please feel free to PM me about this, I'm happy to listen and share my experience.
Me: 32, BW Him: 39, fWH
Together 10y, married 7
2 children (ours) 7/11 & 3/14
D-day 4/18/14 I saw his 'other' email
Working on R, and it's working
Posts: 2598 | Registered: May 2014
Member # 2766
| Posted: 1:59 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I had a full term stillbirth 24 years ago. I know your pain.
Consider sharing this. I went to group therapy for a few months and it helped a lot.
I am sorry for your pain.
Posts: 2861 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
Member # 33374
| Posted: 2:30 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
Just wanted to offer hugs...(((((TS)))))
You are not dealing with rational people or situations. Normal thought processes won't work...story of my life.
Me- BW, 30
Him- fWh, 36
Mostly R'd, minus a few scars...bought a house and got a puppy...And baby makes 3! She arrived August 2013
Posts: 2156 | Registered: Sep 2011
Member # 38537
| Posted: 2:42 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
Sending you hugs and healing vibes.
Me - 40
WH - 41
Dday - Oct 7, 2012
Dday 2 - June 4, 2013
Married - 8 years
2 daughters, 9 years old and 5 month old
Posts: 152 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada
Member # 33886
| Posted: 2:43 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
Oh TrulySad. I'm so sorry.
When I lost my baby, we had our own reasons for not telling. I had to hide the emotional trauma alone. QS reacted horribly. He was no support. I stuffed my pain and grief.
Please don't stuff it TS. You've got an SI army behind you. There are moms here who know and understand your pain. You are not alone.
(((((TS & baby))))))
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne
Posts: 7458 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 33226
| Posted: 2:45 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
((((TS)))) I'm so very sorry, honey.
You can call me NIK
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown
Posts: 35592 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 31528
| Posted: 2:47 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I'm so sorry. Sending you hugs.
Posts: 44765 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 37184
| Posted: 2:48 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I'm sorry your having to go through this.
We're here for you, but dont be afraid to share your grief with a friend or family member. It has to be incredibly hard to fake normal over this.
What is it you'd like for your h to do for you?
Could you share that with him??
Posts: 925 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Member # 44420
| Posted: 2:58 PM, August 7th (Thursday), 2014|
I am so sorry. I have had two miscarriages, and they were heart-wrenching to endure even when my marriage was stable.
If you don't want to reach out to friends in real life, perhaps you could join an online support group? I was part of a group of women who miscarried around the same time as me on the Babycenter website. They were a godsend!
Me: BS, now 42
Him: WS, now 49
DD: May 30, 2014 (2 month affair)
Married 13 years
Naively optimistic username (chosen in frustration when everything else I could think of was either taken or too close to my real name)--but 2 years
Posts: 745 | Registered: Aug 2014
|Topic Posts: 47|