My DD was May 30, 2104. WH had a 2-month affair (emotional and sexual--they had sex five times). Since then, he's done everything right, and we are making great progress towards reconciliation. We are both in IC, and we are also in MC. Although it has been the worst period of my life, I am cautiously optimistic.
But I would like some advice on how he should handle the OW. They work at the same very large institution. On DD, he cut as many ties with her as he could, including restructuring things at work to make sure their official contact would be extremely minimal. She knew he was married (had met me and our children, in fact), and he was apparently upfront with her from the start about his intention that this be a fling, and that he had no intentions of leaving me. She professed to be horrified at herself for participating in an affair with a married man when I found out.
For three weeks after DD, she adhered to his no-contact demand. Then she called him one day at the office. She seemed to be accepting that it was over, but wanted to know if he had had real feelings for her during the affair. He was curt with her. Three more weeks with no contact, and then she started frequenting the employee lounge closest to his office--as she had done for a long time before the affair, but had ceased doing after DD. The first day she appeared there, she asked him, in front of a colleague who doesn't know the whole truth but knows there was inappropriate behaviour, what his schedule at the gym is, so that they could be sure not to run into each other there. He answered, curtly, and left. (And yes, he did afterwards second-guess saying anything at all.) Any other time she's been in the lounge, he's avoided it.
About a week after this encounter, she began turning up at the gym at the time he normally works out. He saw her in the distance, but gave no sign of recognition. This week, she's ramped it up. He always does the same thing at the gym. Two days ago, he got on his usual machine, and then realized that the woman beside him was almost certainly her. He didn't turn to confirm--just ignored her. Yesterday, he realized she was there again as he was approaching the machine, so, without her noticing, he turned around, dawdled until she finally left, and then did his workout.
This is pretty pointed: in the year and a half he knew her, she never worked out. Now, she's asked for his schedule, turns up at his workout time, and has progressed from being at a distance to being right beside him--knowing where he would be, and waiting there for him. I fully trust his resolve right now (longer term, I don't know, but for now, absolutely), so I'm not concerned about this materializing into something. But what is the best way to handle this? Should he change his schedule? Or is it better to give her truly no response at all? Would changing the schedule he's had for years be a sign that she was getting to him, and therefore provide some satisfaction, and so would it be better to carry on as if she's not there?
We lean towards sticking to the usual schedule and not giving her any sign that he is noticing her or affected by her presence. Does this seem like the right approach? We would both really appreciate opinions!