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first time talking to a counselor

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GoodAsICanBe posted 8/7/2014 17:12 PM

I did it again being selfless. We kept talking about what I want and I really dug deep. I want her to be happy I want her to fill that nasty hole inside her. I want her to be able to value herself. I want her to do better...and no I am not playing her off as a victim she did wrong. She made the conscious decision to do what she did. I am looking at this from all perspectives including our kids. If she betters herself she will be happier. And she won't have to need to fill that hole with alcohol and drugs and forbidden relationships. I did not make this mess but I want us both to come out of it stronger. I want to be able to walk away from this and know that her mental state is fine and that our children will be fine.

authenticnow posted 8/7/2014 17:38 PM

What does she want? You can't do it for her, she has to want it too.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:46 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]

HurtingandLost posted 8/7/2014 17:43 PM

I'll second authentics question. What does SHE want?

I said many of those same words for four long years out from Dday #1 in 2010. She didn't want any of those things and rugswept right into OM / A #2.

We love our spouses and our families, but unless your wife is willing to do the hard work involved in everything you described, you can want in one hand and do you know what in the other and see which hand fills up first.

Wishing you luck and strength.

GoodAsICanBe posted 8/7/2014 18:19 PM

She says she is but it also doubles because she never told me anything I had to get my answers myself so I can't trust a damn thing she says she can tell me she is working on herself and she could be but my outlook right now is she is full of shit everything that falls out of her mouth...but with actions can SHOW me and if I don't see any improvement then I can take my kids and walk and be able to say I honestly tried

sisoon posted 8/7/2014 18:57 PM

What do YOU want? If this is IC, that's the primary question.

Come to think of it, if it's MC, you need to answer that question.

Or are you saying that you want a D in any case, and you want her to be able to make it on her own?

GoodAsICanBe posted 8/7/2014 19:27 PM

I am still in limbo its only been a week and he asked what I wanted the only thing I want right this moment is the hurt to stop...maybe the images to go away I am so tired of seeing them..I wish she could have told me something anything at all.

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