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I lost it

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hopeandnohope posted 8/7/2014 23:35 PM

I lost it the other day. My husband is really trying. He gave me a kiss goodbye, things were good and I went to work but his dog followed me. I called his cell. He was already talking to someone. Just like so many times before the min I left he would be on the phone with her. I turned around and confronted him. He said it was his mother but I didn't even check. I was so hurt and out of control that I couldn't even listen to him. No matter who he was talking to I was re-living all the times betrayed me. I called a lawyer to get our divorce over (still unable to listen to any explanation from him). WH asked me to just try to not say anything negative for a week. Negative is anything about his affair, what he's done or how I've been hurt. I asked him to act like he loves me and I mean something to him. He is trying. He took me to dinner tonight but didn't sit next to me like he used to. Saw the lawyer today. She was great. I told her I would do anything I could to keep my marriage if I knew my husband really loved me. She said she understood because she's been in my shoes before. Then she told me I had so much to offer and I could have a great life without 'him' and he needed to be responsible for himself. She suggested finalizing the divorce and if he loved me he would fight to keep me and I would have my answer. When I tell him (after the week on no negativity)he will either fly off the handle or not, and I will have an answer.

DrJekyll posted 8/8/2014 05:11 AM

My BS tells me that all the time. One sure fire way to see the WS true colors is to D. When there is nothing left to gain, and everything to lose.

Best wishes to you.

TheBestMe posted 8/8/2014 06:03 AM

OMG....how true. There are so many little things that my H does that make me suspect of him. We were in the car and his blue tooth was blinking. I asked him why he was not answering it and he said that it was blinking because it needed to be charged. During the LTA he told me things like that when he did not answer his phone.

WH asked me to just try to not say anything negative for a week. Negative is anything about his affair, what he's done or how I've been hurt.

My H says this too. I guess no one wants to be reminded that they dropped an H bomb on innocent civilians. At this stage in our process, I have been counseled to not discuss the LTA and the consequences each time I feel like it. The purpose for me is to create an environment where my H does not feel attacked. Because we all know that I can lose it!!

Saw the lawyer today. She was great. I told her I would do anything I could to keep my marriage if I knew my husband really loved me. She said she understood because she's been in my shoes before. Then she told me I had so much to offer and I could have a great life without 'him' and he needed to be responsible for himself. She suggested finalizing the divorce and if he loved me he would fight to keep me and I would have my answer.

Woman to woman, I do not agree with the lawyer. IMO, you work on yourself and the marriage BEFORE you divorce. Playing that "if he loves me he will fight to keep me" could bite you in the butt
...Just a suggestion; please speak with a trained professional(s) about your marital issues. A divorce attorney for the legal stuff, but not for M advice.

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