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Why am I so mad??

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ckss4 posted 8/8/2014 08:15 AM

Well, I am just about 2 months from DDay...husband had history of watching porn throughout our 15 year marriage, and 2 long term online EA's with sexting/phone sex. At the beginning I was corresponding with one of them through a dice game that they met on. I had told my husband, but never shared the actual specifics of he conversations...it lasted a few days, she was never real honest and I basically got nothing....oh, my husband never saved any conversations with her, any photos, nothing....so I have never seen any proof...although he admitted what he did to me after I found a message from her saying she missed him today!

Anyway, I had taken screenshots of all of the conversations I had with her and a couple I had with her BS...I kept proof in case he needed it. I had these on my iphone and yesterday I must have done something and they all ended up on his iphone! When I got back from my IC, he tells me he saw them on his phone and read them all! I blew up and was so angry.....he tells me he hates her, yet he was curious what we had talked about. I am so mad....that was the one private thing I had and now he knows everything....I am disgusted that he didn't just not look at them....I never shared them with him and he knew that....he again selfishly did what he wanted and didn't care that I would be mad....he tells me he thought I wouldn't be mad though....I am angry and mad and disgusted and let down once again! Its like the last 2 months he learned nothing....it makes me wonder what else he is capable of doing. On top of that...the spyware I put on his work computer is no longer working due to him having to delete it because it was harmful and he was worried. So now I have no way to monitor him. I am so SAD today and ANGRY and wish my life was different...why did he make everything such a mess....I HATE him right now.

phoenix2015 posted 8/8/2014 08:41 AM

((((Ckss4))))
You may be feeling so angry because the one thing you felt you had control over is in his hands now, just my thoughts. All of this really sucks and it hurts knowing that someone can affect us so deeply and we do not have control over them....only us.
Hoping your day gets better.

norabird posted 8/8/2014 09:45 AM

(((ckss)))

The early days are so hard. But you can't make the R really work if it is only based on your ability to monitor him. What are other ways he can be open with you and rebuild trust? Being a PI is not your job as his spouse though obviously I understand that you want to know everything and protect yourself.

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