me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”
It might be better to give him a copy of NOT "Just friends" by Shirley Glass and tell him not to talk to you until he's read it.
There's a link to Amazon just to the left. There's also a very well-respected book called something like How to Help Your Betrayed Spouse Heal From Your Affair.
IIRC, both are downloadable; I know the 2nd one is.
I told MrH he should be worried if I wasn't hurt. That place of neutrality and no emotions should be his worry rather than you showing emotions.
I suggest "How to help your spouse heal from your affair"
Here is the link to DL the free PDF http://www.lindajmacdonald.com/how_to_help_11-06-10_final_pdf-.pdf
This helped my WH see why I was doing the things I was. He was confused why I kept asking the same questions over and over etc, until he read this. Then a lightbulb went out. We read it out loud together. She is religious and talks about God a bit, but we still got the gist of what she was saying. Easy very practical read.
Is your spouse not remorseful at all for his actions? This is a bit of a red flag, however I was "fortunate" in that when I discovered my WH affair he broke down and realized the depth of the damage he did to me. His A had to do with low self esteem in himself, so I am not sure the reasons are related but some WH take longer to realize the gravity of what they have done.
"Reconciliation means working together to correct the legacy of past injustice." - Nelson Mandela
Sorry your WS is an ass.
One thing that helped my BS and I was MC. We were reading books, reading SI, reading blogs, reading articles, but it really helped us having our MC help us to be reassured that what we were going through was normal feelings, and a natural progression.
[This message edited by DrJekyll at 1:35 PM, August 8th (Friday)]
"If you don't eat the elephant in one bite, it might trample you while chewing"
ME: WH HER: BS (holesinmybucket)
I do not PM with Women
However it's not supposed to be free. She uses sales of the book to fund her website.
I made the mistake of downloading it then I emailed her about paying for it.
I bought my husband all the books listed above, but he didn't read them. I read them and they are good. If you can get him to read them it might be a good start.
You are not crazy..you have been betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust. It takes 2-5 years to heal from this shit..and that doesn't start until he finds true remorse..and there is no TT. (Well..you can heal with an unremorseful WS..but the marriage can't survive.)
Or, you could just, you know, kick him in the balls, as previously suggested. (just kidding...just kidding..sorta..no..really)
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
On the wayward forum, there is a thread written by Hufi-Pufi, What Every wayward Spouse Needs to Know
I think this post (iirc it is on another blog or website as well) might be the best single resource with things that a wayward can actually do to help. I know my WW has liked it.
BH (Me) 49
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R
This is a NORMAL response to a TRAUMATIC EVENT. Three weeks after D-Day is A VERY SHORT TIME. He should expect that the damage he's done will take YEARS TO HEAL and require that he do some very HARD WORK. And if he doesn't, he doesn't deserve you.
Hit him in the balls with that.
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961