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Maybe I wasn't clear....

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NobleHeart posted 8/8/2014 17:17 PM

I shared my story on 8/7/14 with you, thank you for your responses...

When I ended our relationship (over text) on 7/30/14, I was looking at his cell phone statements and I was mad as heck! I sent him a message telling him to stay with her instead of continue to f&*% with my life!

Fast forward today, one of our engagement pictures still on his FB as a profile picture. Did he not get that it is over?

I know I shouldn't be looking at his FB but this is driving me crazy! It is making me have doubts...UGH I still have it in my heart to leave things the way the are now and hope that he gets the point soon.

Please help!

Schadenfreude posted 8/8/2014 17:28 PM

I hate to be Mr Downer, but I suspect he's not going to vanish. How is a loser like him to find a replacement unless there is an ebay or amazon where you can acquire a co-dependent?

You answered your own question. You must detach. Don't respond to what he does to try to lure you back. A word I haven't sen here lately is crickets. They just chirp away the summer nights, but say nothing to us. Give him crickets.

You should be wholly indifferent to whether he connects with OW or not. In fact, you'd be better off if he did as I doubt she would encourage contact with ex fiancée.

Stay strong and be thankful you are single today.

Soft 2x4s like these shouldn't hurt as much as hard 2x4s

NobleHeart posted 8/8/2014 17:36 PM

Thanks so much for your support....!

The thing that kills me is that I have to contact him one more time because he said he would pay me the money that I spent on our wedding. I had opened a home equity line of credit to help pay for it and now I am out thousands of dollars....Plus he has a couple of things at my house like a ladder and a paint compressor he used to paint my house. I don't want to have anything there that belongs to him because I know that will be his excuse to contact me in the future....

I don't know what to do......

Schadenfreude posted 8/8/2014 17:41 PM

Still way cheaper than divorce legal fees

I know cause I am a retired lawyer!

NobleHeart posted 8/8/2014 17:47 PM

Thank you so much for reading my post and replying.....Feels good to be able to share this and have someone actually take the time to respond. Greatly appreciated... :)

badmedicine posted 8/8/2014 17:53 PM

Do NOT have doubts. Do NOT leave things the way they were/are. You are moving on, away from this loser. The money will be a lot harder to get back. Getting people with loose morals to keep their promises is difficult. If it were me I would probably still try, but balance that with the fact that you will have to be in contact and if there is any chance you will be vulnerable to his "niceness" then I say stay away for now or get another person to go after him.

You were clear, he just doesn't want that answer. My WH keeps pestering me to "talk". Trust me, I have been abundantly clear, he just wants to try to change my mind. It's made up!! He will try to make you feel guilty, feel like you are the one giving up, he's so sorry, etc

No contact is there to protect you! Now do it.

BtraydWife posted 8/8/2014 18:13 PM

Seeing the picture makes you have doubts?

Why do you think he still has it up? It's not for his mom or his guy friends.

Is it that the picture makes you have doubts or does it make you wish

-none of this ever happened
-that he was the man you believed him to be
-he loved and cherished you the way you planned to do the same with him
-you were embarking on the beginning of a wonderful life of sharing, maybe having a family, and growing old and soft together
-he really was everything he said he would be

If it's the second part, the list, that's normal and it's part of mourning your loss. Don't confuse it with wanting to go back into the madness.

Try to have a grown man (your dad, a friend) with you when you pick up or he drops off your stuff. Regarding the money he agreed to reimburse you for, no personal talk, keep it all business.

As much as possible go no contact. That means no more checking his fb. When you feel the urge to do it, find something else you should be doing but don't want to. Like cleaning the toilet. After a while you'll associate thinking of checking on him with scrubbing the john and it won't feel as tempting.

NobleHeart posted 8/8/2014 18:15 PM

Thank you So much everyone for your support....

I was supposed to be on my way to my wedding venue as I am typing this....Instead I am home still in my pjs waiting for this day to be over.....

NobleHeart posted 8/8/2014 18:28 PM

I am planning to send him a text message in the next few days and ask him to bring me my money and for him to pick up his things. I will not be home, I will have my friend be here when he comes over (if he decides that's what he wants to do)...If he doesn't want to pick up the stuff because he doesn't want to pay me, I am not planning to contact him again. I will just have to take a loss and move on. No more contact at all.

devistatedmom posted 8/8/2014 18:30 PM


Don't expect anything from yourself tonight. Just relax, and get through it.

After that...see if you can get him off his duff...give me the money, or by xxx date, I will sell the paint compressor and other stuff to get my money back.

NobleHeart posted 8/8/2014 18:33 PM

Hi BtrydWife,

Looking at our picture on his profile makes me feel like he is not willing to move on yet...Like he thinks that me not talking to him right now means that I need time to think about our relationship and that there is still a chance I will go back to him.

JellyGirl84 posted 8/8/2014 18:48 PM

Soon after my DDay, I posted something about affairs on my xWH's Facebook wall and his response was immediately BLOCKING me. I decided right then to send a letter of explanation to his cousins about why I wouldn't be in the family, then I blocked all of them and our mutual friends and the OW. It was the best move I ever made. You don't know what you can't see...which is kinda what the WS figures. Ha!

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