I was now in the drivers seat and that felt good to wake up everyone morning. I still think about him first thing in the morning sadly. In part because my kids mention him and I get that pain in my stomach of what he's done to our family. But it gets less as the days go on and they don't last as long. It's becoming the new normal. I'm still not comfortable in the new normal as I'm rewriting it. I still get triggered but again, it's less frequent and less intense. I'm 5 months out now from dday.
I know I'm healing because my anxiety now is about the future, not so much him. Nothing is settled yet in the divorce and I worry of course of what my financial future is going to look like. Will I get enough from him to be comfortable with two little kids? I'm a SAHM and how soon will I need to go back to work? What will our first Christmas look like? Things like that is what I think of. I have no doubt that I don't want this man in my life! It's moving forward that is hard.
Get yourself a good support system of family, friends, and therapist. It's been a life saver for me. Good luck!
I'm one year out, so I still get triggered occasionally, but it's a lot more anger than sorrow. When I look at how far I've come in the past year it's amazing. I really look forward to seeing where I'll be in another year.
Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
My therapist talked to me about mindfulness. Whenever I get an obsessive thought (for me it's more about the OW and how great she must have been or comparing myself to her ) I am supposed to stop, acknowledge that the thought is there, and then explain to myself why it is there and that it basically serves no purpose. This is supposed to help the thoughts stop. So far I'm having mixed results. It's an idea though. Honestly it just took time. Lots of time. I'm a year out from dday and it is much better now. Someone else posted about doing an unpleasant task like cleaning the bathroom when you have these thoughts. I would have the most sparkling bathroom ever!! Maybe I will try that one, too.