[This message edited by Horselady1 at 8:48 AM, August 9th (Saturday)]
I'm sorry you're hear but the good news is all these people- since they've BTDT, they can be a good source of support and advice.
Take some time, read the Healing Library. I suggest the 180- people use it for unremorseful spouses to wake them up. It's not for that, its for you. So you can learn to focus on yourself. So often BSs have poured most of their energy into their WSs and/or kids. They have to relearn who they are. You can find it in BS FAQs #11.
It will help you move towards focusing on yourself. I find that's the first step in getting healthy so I could learn how I'm broken and so picked a broken man.
Listen. You didn't make the decision to cheat. Your WH did and your X did. YOU didn't force them to commit infidelity. It was their decision, their choice. They have to own that. You don't have the power to have physically forced them to do that. And whatever waa waa excuses that they make about being so unhappy, so tempted, so whatever, are exactly that excuses. You both were in the same marriage and only one of you felt the need and the utter disrespect and disregard to justify going outside of the marriage. And it wasn't you.
Make sure that you're staying hydrated, you're eating what you can, and get as much rest as possible. If you can't keep anything down, sip a whole-food nourishment drink (Ensure is one brand, there are several). You don't have to decide anything now. Use this weekend to try to read through here, detach as much as possible, and do some thinking about what you want, need, and deserve. And come back often for support. It can be slow on the weekends, but we're all here for you.
From one horselady to another, (((hugs))) (that means that I'm sending you multiple hugs).
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I'm not sure if this applies or not, but in my case IC has been helpful in going through some childhood issues which demonstrate why I've gravitated towards partners such as STBX and X.
Hang in there. Take care of YOU, read from the healing library, if you feel the need for IC there is no shame in that. Take care of YOU and regardless of how your marriage works out YOU will come out of this stronger than ever before.
There are still good people out there who respect their relationships by remaining true. Most of us here are exactly those people; don't forget that. You are one of us too.
Right now, it's all about you. You. You. He was/is a selfish prick. Now it's your turn. Try not to give him any run time right now.
Post here as often as you feel. It will help. It sure as hell helped me.
DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug
I feel as though I'm a magnet for conscienceless lying cheaters at this point.
I'm thinking there are just more of them in the "market". They are easily found, they come looking for us as "cheaters" to begin with.
The good ones are, for the most part, settled into permanent and lasting marriages already, and are unavailable.
[This message edited by tfkeel at 1:36 AM, August 10th (Sunday)]