SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

soconfusednow posted 8/9/2014 15:07 PM

I think we are getting close to the make it or break it point.

Once again I've expressed that our marriage needs help, because what we are doing isn't working. I've finally told him I can't make it work on my own. That he needs to step up to the plate. That the ball is in his court.

I'm really sad because WH does a lot of things that make it nice to be with him, but so many hurtful things. I don't think he will step up to the plate, but I'm hoping I'm wrong.

At this point my head is so boggled, I don't want any questions or advice, just prayers that God will reveal to me the path I need to take.

[This message edited by soconfusednow at 3:08 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]

hopeandnohope posted 8/9/2014 16:20 PM

I'm the praying type. Prayer has been my only hope through all of this. I'm praying for you to find happiness and a fulfilled life.

imagoodwitch posted 8/9/2014 16:23 PM

I think you know the path, I pray that it becomes clearer.

bionicgal posted 8/9/2014 17:21 PM

I am not per se, but I will anyway -- hope it helps!

And, things do unfold as they should, even if it is painful sometimes and the path isn't clear. Try to have faith.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 5:22 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]

BrokenheartedWif posted 8/9/2014 18:22 PM

Pray is what is helping me make it through this mess. I'll pray for you and that your WH wakes up and realizes the damage he has done and that he needs to work in order for R to have a chance.

LumpyLola posted 8/9/2014 19:15 PM

I've been saying novenas (nine-day prayers) hoping for peace. They're supposed to be very effective.

Of course, i will pray for you...and for all of us, to have peace, in one form or another.

peaceBmine posted 8/9/2014 19:20 PM

Will do!

During this period, I have found that my mind is so scattered and my thoughts disconnected that I have benefited greatly by keeping a prayer journal...writing out my prayers to keep my focus and to also be able to go back and see answers to prayer. This has made such a difference. Do notbe afraid to REALLY speak to God...don't worry about your hurt being so evident. He cares about your hurt and even the most minor of details. I pray that you will find confident direction soon.

You might also want to check out Rejoice Ministries- while my WH has never left home, I have found much of their material very helpful. Praying for you.

fromthisdayfwd posted 8/9/2014 19:57 PM

Father we pray for soconfused right now. Please give her clarity in the chaos of this emotional storm. Help her to know what will be best for her. Help her to make decisions for her future self today that will lead to the type of future she wants.

It is so tough. Help her know You are there with her. We all pray for her clarity. Amen

blakesteele posted 8/9/2014 21:23 PM

I'm on it!!!! Prayer is a big part of why I'm still able to offer R. Left to my fleshly desires and wife's abilities...we would not stand a chance. God is for us all....but He loves us so much that he gives us free will....gives us the choice to do life and M the way He designed it OR the way we desire it.

We have a Christian therapist now....is fantastic!! But some of her direct advice to me in IC absolutely goes against what my flesh desires.......but I recognize doing M my way did not work. The "feel good" moments simply left me unsatisfied. A feeling I now see was present long before my wife chose adultery. That's a heavy thing to accept........

Often times it's not till we reach the end of ourselves that we reach out to God. (That's my journey anyway). I am reaching to prayer more and more....even before other things (reading, fellowship, therapy). Humility has improved my learning capabilities.

Still, I visit the spot you are in regularly.

I pray God changes all of our hearts....that He cleanses and heals them....that the Holy Spirit will strengthen us in times like this, when we are weak and want to quit.

I have found in my journey that I don't so much have to seek God as I just have to stop hiding from him.

He knows our pain. He recognizes all of our struggles and absolutely understands the unique trial that is caused by the sin of adultery.

God is with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 9:36 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]

LosferWords posted 8/9/2014 21:38 PM

I am not the praying type, but I am sending many positive thoughts in your direction!

Best of luck, and keep us posted on how things go.

[This message edited by LosferWords at 9:45 PM, August 9th (Saturday)]

LA44 posted 8/9/2014 21:43 PM

I will pray for you and for your H who needs to stop doing those hurtful things. He needs to get it in order to move through this life with you.

befuddledhubbie posted 8/9/2014 21:45 PM

Before all of this i barely prayed, i found praying aloud weird, even in private. I've gotten to know God during this. I talk to him almost every day, several times a day always aloud now.

Father, I pray for soconfusednow, and for all of the BS here that you would strengthen and comfort all of us. That you would make Yourself known to them as Comforter and Provider through their trials. Thank you for being here with us, even when we are unsure of which way to go. You are the Way, our Truth, and our life abundant. Let Your Holy Spirit fill us with Your grace, with the Your wisdom, and love. Let your healing touch mend our marriages and heal the brokeness of our WS. And for those for whom their WS are unrepentant and unremorseful strengthen them especially through their time of waiting. If divorce is the only way to follow You, don't let us shrink from it but strengthen us to follow You even there.

For the F/WS's of SI Father, i pray that they would feel convicted of their wrong-doing, have the courage to work for the hard path of healing, and that the bondage and strongholds of their lies and FOO would be broken and cast aside.

Lord, think of the children, bless them and keep them safe through our challenges with our SO.

In the name of Your Son, Jesus, Amen.

I tried to keep it short, but He understands. It's funny to think He wants me to just shut-up and listen for a change. Can't keep silent anymore, He will hear you too.

Skan posted 8/10/2014 00:21 AM

Lord, bring clarity, where there is none. Bring clear vision that cuts through the fog. Bring answers where there are questions. And hold soconfusednow in the palm of your hand. Let her know that whatever happens, you are there for her because of your great love for the wonderful person that she is.

Hannelore posted 8/10/2014 10:36 AM

Done. (((HUG)))

Janus2014 posted 8/10/2014 11:14 AM

Absolutely. I just went to church this morning for the first time in a long while. Part of the service (traditional Anglican) is to give the issues you have over to God. I did so and felt more serenity than I have in the two weeks since I realized that reconciliation is not happening because my WH respects and cares for the OW in a way he no longer does for me. (I am a mad hatter from 6 years ago. I did repent and stop the PA 5.5 years ago, but we never dealt with it properly. My WH moved on to an EA and a PA.).

People, especially in a church setting, are very friendly and welcoming. You need that. I wish I had gone to church a few months ago after D-Day. I would have been less likely to have my moods depend on the actions of WH.

soconfusednow posted 8/11/2014 10:47 AM

Thanks for all the prayers. The rest on the week-end was nice. WH started to step up.

But a coat of paint won't hold up a crumbling wall or the foundation it sits on. Time will tell if he's willing to build up the foundation & walls to make it safe place to stay.

In the mean time, I'll lean on the fact that the Lord has always brought me through tough times to a better place.

needfriendshere posted 8/11/2014 10:59 AM

Soconfusednow, I am praying for you! I actually started a post in "Reconciliation" (very ineffectively, I see now) last night, telling people here that I would pray for them today. I need it so badly for myself and so many of you are in my heart. And I know that God is the only reason I am able to even try to make my marriage work.
I will pray until evening - for anyone who would like prayer here in SI, as well as for all those who have been in my heart all these days.

Hugs to you all!

[This message edited by needfriendshere at 11:13 AM, August 11th (Monday)]