Maybe my husband doesn't love me? Will the pain stop? Am I second best? Will I always be the understudy in his heart?
He tries to reassure me, but I am filled with doubts.
Update: attempting to reconcile
And then I also think that it has nothing to do with loving me. It has to do with loving himself. Which is something that he is working on now.
I'm only 7 months out and the pain is still unbearable at times, but Ii think I'm starting to have more good days then bad.
I wish people would think about somebody other than themselves when they decide to screw around. I had a pact with my WH that he would tell me if he wanted to go outside the M, he obviously didn't honor it.
I'm in my mid 50's and I look in the mirror now and doubt my attractiveness, I feel so ugly and unwanted. At times I can't stand staring at myself in the mirror, yet the clock keeps ticking and I get less and less desirable. Sorry, I'm having a bad day today, it's my 16 wedding anniversary, I'm alone crying in my bedroom.
Status: We're going to try IC one more time.
It is about their own "broken" AND the broken of the AP as well. Your WS is the one with the problems, not you.
IF you feel you are ready, read in the Wayward Forum. It has helped me learn MUCH about the thinking of WAYWARDS.
Quit basing your present off of other people's fucked up mess.
Seriously sister. You need to look at your situation. And base it off of his actions alone.
Sorry so blunt but I'm having a heat stroke at the moment and it makes me cranky.
My college boyfriend used almost that same excuse verbatim... I wondered why he feared commitment, but the way he put it was: "I love the thought of you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you". That was enough hurt for me to end it (only after 6 months of commitment)...
Plus, it would have been interesting to hear what he said to the other 2 "secret" girlfriends - he lost all three relationships, so my guess is that "he loved the thought of them second, third...." How many more ways can you say something like that - leading on definitely.
Bad Day, here, too, but the best post I've seen was "...don't try to blame or find fault with yourself"... Some WS's make up terrible quotes because they need to justify behavior. You're not in the wrong... at all.....
[This message edited by kaylee711 at 7:15 AM, August 10th (Sunday)]
The cheating is not about loving the OW better--it's about his being broken and having bad coping mechanisms.
I can't say whether you come in second with your WH, bit the cheating is not about your being inadequate at all.
Naively optimistic username (chosen in frustration when everything else I could think of was taken or too close to my real name)--but 2 years on, R is truly going well
Second - Andrea - He didn't love her! He may have convinced himself he did to justify his guilt, but it was all based on lies. He HAD to think that or he wouldn't have been able to cheat. He's there, with you and apparently trying to work on R. Don't doubt yourself. He didn't "fall" for anyone except his penis. Try to always remember that.
Last night was hard, I let my mind wander and got caught up in all my pain.
Today will be a better day.x